Posting for wip_amnesty


45/100 Luhan icons
for fandom365days

The rule of fandom365days is simple, one prompt is posted every day, we have approximately 48 hours to make an icon before the prompt is closed. During the course of one year (365 days) we need to finish 100 icons with our claim as the subject. I kept making these commitments, but 365 days is a long period and many times I got less emotionally invested in the subject thus lost my motivation to continue. I've made 7 similar claims in total (past and current) and there's only one claim I finished to 100 icons so far.

I was cleaning up the other day and it's sad to see this batch as yet another abandoned claim. I feel like I did a great job with most of them! The comm is now inactive, so even if I want to continue and ask for extension, I can't. I guess it's time to let this go.

( 45 icons + 5 alternates )

( I fixed my graphics comm )

As I was re-coding, I reminisced my muses and how my graphics evolve around them. I've been doing graphics since a very long time as just a side hobby, but got more serious in iconing during my Adam Lambert fandom period. Back then, my muse was Tommy. It was 2009 - 2010 when I was still mainly using LiveJournal, my graphics was not good so I don't think I will go back that far to fix and restore my old graphics comm where all my Tommy arts are. Tommy wasn't a very popular icon subject, and that pushes me beyond my comfort zone to create all sorts of fannish things surrounding him. I did a decent job. I made many-many icons, a fanmix, picspams, etc. He was a cute glitterbaby. My first 'real' fandom experience ever.

( other fandoms )

Now two years apart, I got into BTS focusing on V. To be honest, I'm struggling. There are a lot of factors that contribute to this. One, I had two years break from Photoshop. I haven't been creating or learning anything new. The trend in the icon community changed a lot. I feel so old still clinging to icon styles from years ago. Two, I am very new to the fandom and have very small amount of resources. I need to dig in deeper, scour different parts of the internet and watch TONS of past videos to get my way around. Google is my friend, but there are only so much things you can find via google without base knowledge. It's 4+ years worth of fandom materials, I don't think I can ever catch up. Three, Tae is pretty, but I love him for his personality more than his looks (unlike previous cases). I disagree with many of his personal choices especially in styling and fashion. They hurt my eyes. And feelings lol. Or am I just old and I couldn't understand current fashion trend? I wish the kids have stylists to guide them even during off times or at least when going to the airport when they know, all eyes are going to be on them. But V would disagree with that idea for sure. He's such a free spirit, we should just let him choose what he wants or he wouldn't be himself.

Entry for gameofcards
Challenge 008 : Movie Review

20, Once Again! (2015)
Cast : Yang Zishan, Grace Kuei, Bolin Chen, Lu Han
Director : Leste Chen
Genre : Drama Comedy



20, Once Again! is a Mandarin remake of Korean box office movie ‘Miss Granny’. The movie tells a story of Shen Mengjun, a 70 year old widow who got transformed into her 20-year-old self after a visit to a mysterious photo studio.



Plot : (Warning : Spoiler-ish)
Shen Mengjun lives with her son Guobin, daughter in law Yangqin, and twin grandchildren. Mengjun faced a family conflict as Yangqin fell ill from stress because of the pressure Mengjun always put on her. The family has agreed to temporarily send Mengjun to a nursing home until Yangqin’s condition is better. Heartbroken Mengjun visited a photo studio one night and magically transformed into her 20 year-old self. She then went on adventures which she gave up when she was young to take care of her son. How will this adventure end for Mengjun?

The movie shows actual hardships of a modern Chinese family of 3 generations living together. The movie has a perfect balance of comedy and heartwarming scenes. As the story centers on singing and music, the soundtrack plays an important part and the movie is filled with many great, entertaining songs.

Yang Zishan plays the character of young Mengjun, and did a wonderful job in portraying the character. She is young and very pretty, but perfectly translating the gestures and character of a grandmother. Yang Zishan also sings most of the soundtrack songs for the movie herself, making the character more believable. 20, Once Again! is the first movie for Luhan, who was known as a former member of one of the most popular Korean idol groups, EXO. He plays the grandson character called Xiang Qianjin which fits his persona perfectly. Qianjin is a young man who is passionate in music and has the dream to make it big in the music industry.

The movie runs for 131 minutes long, which some people might feel too long, but the pace is just enough for the viewers to understand the emotion of the characters. If you like family drama / comedy, this will be a fun movie for you to watch.

4.5 / 5 Stars

This is super late post but I didn't have a lot of chances to blog last month so I will write it now.

( long rambling ahead! )

The next week after an exhausting internal audit at the office I asked my co-worker Dhani to watch it again with me. I had a feeling that she'd LOVE it. The theater was empty beside us and a lady with her kid but I don't mind that a bit. I love it. After the second time I still love it. Dhani laughed like a crazy person and she LOVED IT SO MUCH.

We also got paper fan of the movie poster and Lulu on the back which I shamelessly put on my cubicle at work. I don't even care. He's pretty and looking at him makes me happy.



Another thing I did not expect: I got obsessed with the Xiang twins.

PICSPAM!


( more )

WHAT THE HELL. They're so cute! They look alike! How did they even find these casts, like seriously??? I don't know but I always think it's cute how people that are not related have similar face. I think this was also the reason why I fell in love with HunHan. I'm immediately OBSESSED.

In conclusion, if there is ever a perfect first movie for Lulu, this was it. It was perfection all around. The character he plays fits him perfectly. It was directed by a young, talented Taiwanese director, all the casts are just perfect for their characters! It's an adaptation from a Korean movie so it reached the K-lovers audience but at the same time spreads to mainstream people who doesn't even follow hallyu. I don't have any complaints. It's beautiful. I would watch it over and over again.

Yesterday EXO released their latest MV which is Call Me Baby and I finally realized where I stand with EXO post-Luhan's exit. I haven't written about it here, last time I only said I was going to stop stanning Luhan at that point because it was too painful.

In October last year I took everything EXO related off my daily life, livejournal notifications, tumblr updates on my phone, I stayed away from anything that reminds me of Lulu for a while. One day I was casually browsing Omona when I saw it : Rumor post of Luhan's exit from EXO. My heart skipped a beat and I did not know what to feel at that point but in my heart, I know the possibility of this rumor coming true is high. Within the next days we got the confirmation that it is true. Everything makes sense now, his hospital visit, his travel arrangement which has been different from other members for a while, his last goodbye on Beijing stage, his swollen face on the last day of the concert .... The puzzles are coming together for me. I did not dwell into the shitstorm as much as I did when Kris left, because as a Luhan stan I know I don't want to face the negativity. Now Lulu is the traitor. Now Lulu is the backstabber who leaves the company after he gains fame. But I do know in my heart that I still want to support the kid.

Soon after, I managed to get over things and accept Lulu and EXO as two different entities and I got back to my normal stanning mode. I follow the news etc, the usual. Lulu was resting a lot, I did not see much of him really, compared to the days he was with EXO. We used to know where he is every goddamn day. I was so relieved when we finally saw him buying coffee in Beijing. I'm happy that he is home. I'm content with the fact that he is now able to make decisions for himself and got his best friend, someone who cares about him a lot, as his manager.

I'm enjoying his cute little updates here and there, and I was SUPER excited that his film was being screened here at local theaters, I went to watch it two times. He's still the cutest and the most precious thing in the world to me. I was excited about EXO's comeback, too. I think the teasers were cool and I purchased the album as soon as it was available on iTunes. That was until yesterday, when they released the MV of Call Me Baby. I immediately watched the MV. I love it. I love the song, the concept, the outfit, the hair, I love everything about it except the fact that Lulu is no longer part of the group. If I were in the stages of grief, I'm in stage three which is bargaining. In my heart I kept thinking "... if only Lulu is still in the group, he would look so cool in these outfits", "... if only Lulu is still in EXO I would be much more interested in this MV and comeback" etc. But you know, I'm a grown ass person and I'm fully aware that Lulu is now happy and safe at home with lots of other cool opportunities and that's just the best for him.

As for EXO, without Lulu in the group I realized that they now had become just another K-Pop boy group to me. If Lulu were still in the group, I would be purchasing both versions, listening to Lulu's parts, following all the news and concerts, downloading the MV and analyzing it frame by frame, purchasing multiple physical copies, making icons of the new teasers and lots of other stan activities. Now, I watched the MV once. It's great, but that's enough for me. I only have digital Korean version of the album and I'm even going to get rid some of the songs that I don't really like without feeling guilty. I do have slight fanatism for SM boy groups, so the excitement level is probably the same as if Super Junior or SHINee has a comeback and the song is good.

Many months ago, I asked myself in my post about Kris's exit, what would I do if Lulu decides to quit EXO, at that time I did not know what I'd do. I did not even want to think of the possibility for it to come true. But now I know. Fandoms, nationality, country, language, nothing really matters to me. I'm a Lulu stan. No matter what he decides to do, I will continue to support him.

(until I found something else to obsess about and I lost interest in him, that is)

And so it's official. Lulu is not attending SMTOWN Live Tokyo. Is he okay? Will he be okay? When will he be back? Will he be back at all? I don't know. What I know, is that I don't want to spend my next second, hour, days or months worrying about him. I have too much problems and stress already and I don't need more. Fandom for me is for fun. When it's not fun anymore, then it's time to leave.

I was still hoping and waiting for him but that was my last string.

It'll be really hard but I'm leaving. I've taken off my exochoco and omona notifications, I deleted fyeahluhan column on my flipboard, I need to do some tumblr sorting before I can open it regularly again.

I don't know if I will be back if he is, but for now, I'm cutting all the ties. It's getting unhealthy (pun unintended). I'll find something else to obsess about.

Today while I was reading about the whole Jessica getting kicked out of SNSD fiasco, I thought of how much fandom affected me. And then I realized how Lulu's current condition affects me a lot more than it should, more than I thought it would. Well basically the gravity of it all didn't really hit me at first. I kept hoping that tomorrow he'll be alright and we'll be able to see him going to the company just like how it used to be. Sadly that day has never came. At least not yet until now.

Every day, every single day since September 7 which is almost a month ago, I thought of how he's doing. I worry that his condition is getting worse, worry that he won't be able to do the rest of the schedules for this year, worry about his mental health, his well being, everything. I know nothing about him and he doesn't even know I exist but I just couldn't help it. Looking at his pics on tumblr used to be one of the happy little things that makes me smile. And now... looking at pictures of him only hurts me more. Most of the pics still being posted are from Beijing Lost Planet shows and in them he looked tired, sick, and much older than he usually look. I want to hate those pics. I feel like this is the point where I need to leave the fandom for my own good. I join fandom for the fun, for the laugh, for everything that makes me happy and sometimes forget about how shitty real life is. And now, my fandom only adds to my daily problems and stress.

I need to unfollow related tumblrs and tweeters turning my notifications off for everything, and then I need to go and find something new and healthier to obsess about and to distract myself from keep worrying about him. This weekend is SMTOWN Tokyo. Let's see how this turns out for him/me, and I will decide what to do then.

and that doesn't make us relieved at all, instead we worry if he is pushing himself to perform because it is his hometown and there is NO WAY he could skip these concerts even though he is not well enough to do it.

When I saw this pic from the rehearsal my heart sunk. He looked like a zombie. His dark circles were just as bad as the last time we saw him at the airport (which was two weeks ago), his hair messy untended. On the main stage for his solo he pulled his shirt higher than usual for fan service, but instead of cheering with joy I worry even more. I could see rib cage which proves that he has been losing weight (possibly due to his illness). I'm really really worried about him. Worried that his illness maybe far more serious than what we all thought. Worried about the future of his career. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, I just wish my bb can live a healthy and happy life.

On a not very depressing note, Lulu looks so different with black hair! I believe we've never seen him in black hair since his debut in 2012. This is the first time in forever. I always thought that he has the kind of face and skin color that fits a fairer shade of any color, but he looks good in black, looks even younger than he's already looking.





I feel so guilty looking at these pictures from today. I was hoping I could see his face healthy, young and happy but I found none of those things in these pictures. Even after resting completely from all activities for 2 weeks, he still looked so tired. I wonder if he's going back to Korea after this... or he'll stay longer in Beijing. I wonder if exo has a comeback / mini album / whatever he'll sit this one out to heal himself.

I finally made a visit to my dermatologist/skin care clinic and reminded why I didn't come for a long time. THEY ALWAYS CHARGE ME LIKE CRAZY. I came out of the clinic with $116 less in my bank account, which makes me not happy at all. I hope the effects and medicines they gave me last for a while so I DON'T have to go there again soon. Anyway, while I was getting facial and well, basically the whole day I still think about Luhan all the time. Wondering whether he is resting well, whether he'll update us anytime soon, whether he'll be fit enough to join Beijing concerts next week. I hope he rest well.


*fanart credit as watermarked on the picture

Lulu is officially sick. He wrote on his weibo (which is only updated every once in a blue moon) that he wouldn't be able to join Thailand shows. This is the first time he ever skip any schedules, so we're wondering if what he's going through is really, really bad. He never complained before because he doesn't want us to worry, but seriously? No human being can function and work normally with the crazy schedule they have to put up to. Not even the kids who are now still functioning better than our dear poor Lulu. On one point or another every each of them were sick and or injured.

This has been on my mind since the news broke and I have mixed feelings. I thought of how the Thailand fans would feel. These are the shows many of the fans had been waiting in forever. For one, I do feel really, really grateful and lucky that he came to Jakarta last week because had he not, I don't even know... I was there to see him. I spent that much money for the concert for the sole purpose of crossing 'seeing EXO live' from my bucket list and Lulu plays a significant factor in the whole experience. But then I thought of the long hours he had to suffer to get here, and felt guilty that their stop at our town was one of the most exhausting flights that worsen his illness. I wonder if behind his smile that we saw on stage, he was on a large dose of painkillers, and then he had to get another set of sleeping pills to get through the flight leaving Jakarta. I'm not sure how his tiny body can deal with all the drugs, with all the flying. You can't fix damage from years of exhaustion with mere one day rest. Suddenly I feel very lucky to be an ordinary person with normal schedule and somewhat normal sleeping rythm.

I'm trying to find a positive light to prevent myself spiralling into dark, depressing thoughts (like how Lulu might get permanent damage in him and one day forced to leave the group and die!!!! GOD). Here's some positive thinking : Idols skip schedules all the time with different reasons. Onew didn't come to Jakarta for their SHINee world tour, Siwon, Minho, Sully and others continuously skip schedules because they have drama filmings. Not to mention people who are serving their military duty, they have to skip schedules as well. Fans will live through it, the idols will live through it. Second thing, Lulu is a young boy whose body still recovers faster than let's say people in their 30's (aka me who needed DAYS to recover from the concert and I wasn't even the one performing). Hopefully, and I really, really hope, that he gets good rest for these coming weeks and recover. Take all the time that you need, do anything that you couldn't before, bb.

He told us not to worry. But how is it exactly do you think, that it is possible for us to not worry about someone that we care a lot about? My heart is aching. I don't want to spend my next days worrying and thinking about this, but I can't help it. Now I wish I don't have a bias.

Lulu has been acting weird lately, with going between schedules alone instead of moving with the group. Had he been accompanied by a manager on his side, it would not have been strange and probably is just another work related thing he had to do somewhere separated from his group.

Today there's a news article on his visit to a hospital in Beijing. One thing I am happy about is that they're getting Chuseok holiday and have a couple of days off after continuous shows and filmings. But I do worried about Lulu, he does seem very tired lately and my heart aches. People and the online articles also mentioned about his fear of height which pushes him to drink large dosage of sleeping pills to get through flights, I do not know how accurate this is or whether this is just an exagerration, but one thing I know, this affects me emotionally.

Like I wrote on twitter a while ago, sometimes I wish I don't have a bias so I wouldn't be affected by things that is going on with them. Happy things we can cheer, but when it comes to unfortunate things, I can not bear the pain in my chest. Sometimes I think whether it would be better for me to leave him alone... whether with less demand and less fans he could live a happier life. I wonder the state of mental and physical exhaustion that he is in, because no human being can work and function normally with the crazy schedule (life) that they're running. Next week they'll have to fly to Bangkok, and back to Beijing a week after. And later at the end of the year, 9 shows in Japan alone. I hope the management gives Lulu some time to rest and heal (from whatever he's suffering) in between.

Get well soon, bb.

LULU WAS SO BEAUTIFUL OMG. Lemme run through all members (no particular order) :

Sehun - was injured, poor bb. He tried his best during the whole show, but his solo stage was omitted and he sat on a stool during Wolf and Growl. BUT OMG HE'S THE CUTEST THING EVER?????? He looked just like the photos, the gifs, and he acted just like the little shit that he is. He is so fucking cute. He did a V sign pose for a fan from the middle stage it was so fucking cute AKSFSLKFJSF:SD. Cute maknae. It was weird to hear the interpreter translated maknae into 'bungsu' something I never thought of and it's really cute to hear.

Because of his injury, HE WENT TO THE AIRPORT WEARING FLIP FLOPS. Something King of fashion Oh Sehun would never do, lol.

Lulu - SAIYAN HAIR LULU!!! I like it? 8) He was so beautiful and glowing. But things ran through my mind as I was watching him. Like how he looked so thin and tired. How he probably is bored with the routines, especially Mama, since they've been performing that song for 2 years now? The thing I hated was I feel like most of the time he was so far away from my section, couldn't really see him except for on the screen. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TALK SO SHORT THOUGH. YOUR SOLO WAS ALSO SO SHORT.

( the rest + more photos under the cut )

I've been listening to my leaked copy of Overdose and I'm so addicted to it. I tried to restrain myself from listening to it too much because I'm worried that by the song is officially out, I'd be sick of it already. But I LOVE it I can't handle. I had a hard time liking Wolf and Growl was just okay, so IDK I've been wanting EXO to release a single that I can really like.

I love the song, I love the concept, I love the play on design of their logo to create some kind of a maze, I think it is brilliant. I've also obviously watched the leaked dance practice too many times, and I must say, even though there are parts that I don't like, but the last part where they do waves and then D.O does a spin while Jongin and Chanyeol switch places is mesmerizing. I can watch that part forever.

Parts that I don't like is the clapping and the puppeteer/whack-a-mole move, I think it's awkward. BAP did a far better job in puppeteer moves. I love the outfits shown in the MV teaser, but the dramatic shirt with over-sized ballooned sleeves, NO. I mean for posing/photographing okay, it gives the dramatic touch I guess. But they wore the outfit for their first overdose performance and it was ugly. It's shapeless, colorless, and the weird construction of the outfit is just not made for dancing. WHO CHOSE THIS FOR YOU.

Okay in the mean time I'll stare and enjoy cuteness of this creature :



My thoughts and prayers for the victims and families of the Sewol incident.

I just made that shit up. Anyway, yesterday OT12 flown to Beijing for a concert and Lulu was spotted with a Givenchy Multi-Print Panelled Sweatshirt. He looked great in it! I love the prints. The flowers matches his pretty face and the camo/dark color still shows masculinity. I knew it was a Givenchy because it gives the same vibes as the scary face shirt he wore several times last year and I accidentally met the face myself at Givenchy store in Plaza Indonesia.



I love how he pairs the loud shirt with plain black leather bag, black leather pants and black shoes, he looked great. (Except for the bed eyes and the long earring which I've never been a fan of)



Though I actually would've loved it more if he wore this awesome floral hi-top sneakers also by Givenchy. It probably would be a little too matchy-matchy, but he'd look great nonetheless.



Dear EXO stylists!! Please better outfit and style concept this year~

EXO's comeback show on April 15th!! I was thinking that they're going to comeback in May, but turns out it's this month \o/ Excited to see what concept they're going to present this time :) The thing that makes me sad is though, that they're going to split M and K for their own promotion in China and Korea respectively. Which means ... less OT12 and this breaks my heart :'( I want them to be together forever. And also this is a mini album, which ... well I don't know how the industry works but supposedly the promotion scale etc will be smaller as well compared to wolf/growl era? IDK IDK I just wish they'd COME HERE.

Anyway, on Luhan's look for this era, I panicked when they posted hair watch post on exochocolate and I saw Lulu with a cap and his hair looked short. As a fan of long(er) hair on anyone, I freaked. I just wish they'd stop cutting their hair short, no more disasters like Wolf era Chanyeol or Yixing, please.

But when his teaser pic was out I LOVE IT. I just love it. They curl his bangs, which seems to be longer than the rest of his hair. And his pretty face is now my lock screen ♥


Today he was spotted (probably in front of SM?) with a single pig tail on his head which OMG I can't. I gasped so loud my colleague thought something happened. Because his disneyland LA look was so cute it's one of my favorite Lulu looks of all time and I thought I would never have the chance to see him wearing it again.

Man, that traffic song is hilarious I need to watch it again.

I went to bed super early yesterday because I was sick. Plus we are waking up at 4 am every day for Ramadan supper. And guess what I was missing???? OH NOTHING, YOU KNOW, JUST WOLF DRAMA MV WHICH WE HAD BEEN WAITING SINCE FOREVER.



WHAT IS THIS?!? WHAT ISSS THIIIISSS?!?! Well this is not at all what I expected. Also I watched this after having my supper at 4.30 am and my mom kept on talking to me so I might need to watch it again. ANYWAY, whatever this is, THIS IS NOT WOLF DRAMA MV! Did SM actually realize that Wolf is a horrible song, thus they decided to mix other (better) songs from XOXO in ... whatever this is? Also, there's almost no EXO in this, there's just Luhan jumping all over the place and supporting actors. As a Luhan fan that I am, I shouldn't be complaining but still ... Now I know why SM delayed releasing this, they need this before they release the next MV, but they don't have a strong or clear concept on how to do it. Plus Kris is almost nowhere in this. In other words, this is a mess.

Gmail failed me by categorizing all emails from LJ to "social" mail and it didn't give me any notifications for any social mails when I already got 10 of them!! FAIL. I turned on my comm notifications for a reason, you know.

Aaaand my boss just caught me watching this, ignoring him because I had my earphone on (-_______-). Again, my plan to watch this in peace failed. *gives up*

Finally! I ordered this in May, it took forever! Never join a pre-order group again. It is super cute! It is shimmery in real life, maybe you can't really see it in this pic. But it is super super cute. So cute I don't want to use it, I don't want it to get scratched!



Here's my case collection! Maybe I have too much, but phone trends go so fast I'm sure Note II cases will soon be gone from store racks as Note 3 is released later this year.


Besides, these aren't that expensive. The most expensive one is the original Samsung one that cost me $35. That last one (colorful polkadot) I bought from Aliexpress for $3 including shipping fee from China, how cheap is that? With China Post it took 3 weeks to arrive but hey, I'll take a $3 case anytime.

"YESS PLEASE WEAR THIS IT'LL LOOK PERFECT ON YOU OMG"

"Seriously how do these kids have so much money to spend on their idols?"

"A macbook, of course."

"How exactly do you think they have enough space to put all that? They live in a dorm ..."

"I wonder if idols really get to keep all of their presents :("

"I don't think they even have enough time to open them all"

"OHMYGOD THIS IS SO COOL I'M GOING TO DIE"

"I WISH I COULD READ CHINESE/KOREAN, DANG IT!"

*scrolls through Luhan's birthday presents