Lulu is officially sick. He wrote on his weibo (which is only updated every once in a blue moon) that he wouldn't be able to join Thailand shows. This is the first time he ever skip any schedules, so we're wondering if what he's going through is really, really bad. He never complained before because he doesn't want us to worry, but seriously? No human being can function and work normally with the crazy schedule they have to put up to. Not even the kids who are now still functioning better than our dear poor Lulu. On one point or another every each of them were sick and or injured.

This has been on my mind since the news broke and I have mixed feelings. I thought of how the Thailand fans would feel. These are the shows many of the fans had been waiting in forever. For one, I do feel really, really grateful and lucky that he came to Jakarta last week because had he not, I don't even know... I was there to see him. I spent that much money for the concert for the sole purpose of crossing 'seeing EXO live' from my bucket list and Lulu plays a significant factor in the whole experience. But then I thought of the long hours he had to suffer to get here, and felt guilty that their stop at our town was one of the most exhausting flights that worsen his illness. I wonder if behind his smile that we saw on stage, he was on a large dose of painkillers, and then he had to get another set of sleeping pills to get through the flight leaving Jakarta. I'm not sure how his tiny body can deal with all the drugs, with all the flying. You can't fix damage from years of exhaustion with mere one day rest. Suddenly I feel very lucky to be an ordinary person with normal schedule and somewhat normal sleeping rythm.

I'm trying to find a positive light to prevent myself spiralling into dark, depressing thoughts (like how Lulu might get permanent damage in him and one day forced to leave the group and die!!!! GOD). Here's some positive thinking : Idols skip schedules all the time with different reasons. Onew didn't come to Jakarta for their SHINee world tour, Siwon, Minho, Sully and others continuously skip schedules because they have drama filmings. Not to mention people who are serving their military duty, they have to skip schedules as well. Fans will live through it, the idols will live through it. Second thing, Lulu is a young boy whose body still recovers faster than let's say people in their 30's (aka me who needed DAYS to recover from the concert and I wasn't even the one performing). Hopefully, and I really, really hope, that he gets good rest for these coming weeks and recover. Take all the time that you need, do anything that you couldn't before, bb.

He told us not to worry. But how is it exactly do you think, that it is possible for us to not worry about someone that we care a lot about? My heart is aching. I don't want to spend my next days worrying and thinking about this, but I can't help it. Now I wish I don't have a bias.