I haven't been feeling good emotionally for the past... month, I don't even know why. I think it's a mix of a lot of things, financial problems, health problems, work problems, and maybe even fandom problems, just everything. Many things stresses me out on daily basis, with not enough happy things to make up for it.

My boss has been super annoying the past weeks. He is stressed out and sometimes he leashed that on us and gets really pissy about everything. Having your boss getting pissy about any and everything everyday is so not the ideal work environment. A couple of days, I can handle, but he has been like this for a long while. I feel like he no longer care now that I've worked here for almost two years. He used to be more caring, attentive, giving clear instructions and now he scolds me for every little thing I do. Every time I enter his room for anything, I get yelled at. I want to quit.

I did some art since yesterday, and found no joy in it. The more I make things in this room I share with my brother, the more I hate my life. I can't live like this anymore. I need my own room. I will build my own room. But that isn't likely to happen if every month I have to bear everyone in this family's expenses. I feel hopeless. I feel like I need to focus more on important things, have a clear goal and reach it. I feel like with the 24 hours that I have everyday, I'm not using every second effectively. I feel like I can do more, achieve more.

I deactivated my facebook for months since May I think... but I activated it again recently. Because sadly we just can not escape facebook. My sister and I are trying to start our postcard line and our target market are mostly on facebook. I made a facebook page for it and I had to keep my facebook active to maintain it. Today I ventured back to facebook. A totally not wise decision with the low mood that I'm already having right now. I haven't been on facebook for a while, and what I saw... made me question life. So many people around me are moving abroad, getting married, getting married with foreign person abroad, writing that living in Jakarta will only waste your time, protesting government policy, posting photos of their children 'the love of their life'... and here I am wondering, what is it that I want from life? Am I going to spend the rest of my time on the earth living half life working a job I hate, living in this horrible city? Do I want to move, take a leap of faith, leave everything that I have here and make a big decision that I don't where it'll take me?

Sometimes, I feel like I always make excuses, I don't have enough time, I don't have enough money, I don't have enough talent, I don't have a room to myself bla bla bla... But in reality is, I can escape this situation if I really wanted to.

I want to change, I want change, I want something different and new in life.

Also, I really want facebook to be irrelevant soon.

Which is highly unlikely. Especially here.

Since weeks ago, every time I turn on any channel on Fox network, I am bombarded by promo clips of 'Touch'. The promo emphasized that this is a 'global premier' and that the creator was 'from the creators of Heroes'.

Oh right, Heroes. That TV Show that went down the drain after season 1.

I didn't give a damn about this TV show, and if you see the condition of our TV, you wouldn't want to watch anything on it. But my sister seemed to be invested in the show, proving that repeated advertisements do wonder, and that Heroes creator Tim Kring does still have a name.

( ramble and point under the cut )

Looking back at my graphics life, I don't really remember how I got here. I do remember making stupid banners for my blog, designing a layout for my multiply page and doing manips of celebs. I vaguely remember editing pics for my blog entries but honestly, I don't know what I do before icons, it was such an eye opening experience.

I didn't really 'get' icon posts back then. I thought if people want icons, they can make it themselves, no big deal. I know I would make my own icons. At that time I was not in any particular fandom and was obscure to what purpose does a community on LJ serve.

( full story behind the cut )