I said in my previous post I was grateful that I wasn't that invested in K, but turns out the decision to not include him in the final group still affects me a lot. I couldn't sleep at night worrying about him. Before the finale, I convinced myself that I would be okay as long as Jakehoon both make it. I did think about different possible scenarios and combinations the group can end up with, but I didn't scrutinize enough how I would feel if a certain member is left out. In my head, the best possible scenario was everyone but the two youngest contestants will debut. The kids will debut in years to come in the next boy group project. I was hoping for that outcome.

I looked up Japanese comments on the incident, one person said similar things with what I wrote. If we want to justify K being eliminated, we can come up with some of these reasons;
- There's already a Japanese in the group, they don't need more than one
- Age-wise K is 4 years older than the oldest chosen member, which is a big gap already
- Physically K is very tall (almost 187 cm), and will stick out amongst the members

I thought about this over and over. K was constantly in I-LAND, he was never sent to the GROUND because of how good he was. He always gets high scores from the producers. The whole show he has shown what he had. To not be picked in the end because of things he couldn't control like nationality, height, or age, was very cruel. Then, don't include him from the beginning? If you know he's going to be too old, or too tall, or one too many Japanese, then pick younger, shorter, non-Japanese people from the start? Why would they torture him like this?

Some argued that if the other person was not Sunoo, would they still not pick K?

We understand that it's a decision made with a business standpoint, but it's still a hard pill to swallow. It's painful living by just knowing this fact, I can't imagine living it as your reality. I'm still worried about K. I can only hope that the management has an outlet to not waste his talent and time.

Now I can sleep peacefully.

It took a lot of mental preparation for me to face today. I took a day off and painted my walls during the day to calm down. The result is great, the process was easy and it's now exactly how I envisioned it to be, just a little too yellow (?).

The final show was too long. I didn't watch part 1 so I neither know nor care about these other characters. The Into The I-LAND performance was good, though. The kids looked amazing with proper stage make-up and outfit.

My point of this post is: I'm very happy with the debut line-up. Jake made it, Sunghoon made it, 2002 line all made it, and that was enough to give me peace of mind. The group consists of kids born in 2001 - 2005, it's cohesive, it makes sense. I said in my prediction, it's either go up in age with K or down with Niki and can't be both. Because if both make it, the age gap becomes a little too wide (7 years, for a 7 members group).

I'm actually grateful I did not watch the show from the beginning and invested more in K. Otherwise, I would be devastated today. I know he is very capable & talented, he was constantly in I-LAND (never the GROUND) and got the best score several times. It just didn't work for him in the end.

Oh, and the group name ... I'll make peace with it.

I'm so scared, I'm so stressed out! I want both Sunghoon and Jake to make it so badly. I want it more than anything, it's all I can think of. I'm now avoiding many review channels because NONE of them are supporting Jake! I can't do this! Jake has to make it! Why are you people so against Jake making it!

And I hate myself for putting myself in this position AGAIN. WHY do I let myself emotionally invest so much in trainees with no guarantee of debuting! WHY, SELF, WHY! If the kid doesn't make it, I know exactly how this would only end: in PAIN. And I would suffer from long-term irrational hatred towards the debut group even after following them for all this time! I shouldn't be like this! I should be supportive! I shouldn't be judgemental! They all worked hard! This is the path the universe created for them!

Last night, I was looking up Jake and Sunghoon again, and I saw how international fans go to certain length to get other people to vote for their faves. Giveaways, massive subway ads, fund raising to get more SIM cards to make accounts (?), it's kind of insane. I was even contemplating of copying them by doing giveaways of KPop stuff that I want to get rid of, so I created an account. But now I'm not so sure. I feel like I need some time off of the internet and face Friday with a better, calmer state of mind. HELP ME.

Okay, I am officially obsessed.

I know that they arm-wrestled and also bet who can weight lift more with K just losing it in the back. I don't remember how or why, but I've seen that video. But now that I watch it again with fresh new eyes, WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT. At the beginning of the arm-wrestle clip, they were just chilling, a bunch of them. And then SUNGHOON WITH HIS FUcKING FAIR-SKINNED ARM reaches to grab that Pikachu stick from Jake but he dodges so Sunghoon just proceeds to play with Jake's arm and then CARESS JAKE'S HAND FONDLY WHICH IS WHAT THE FUCK and then Jake's like 'yo, wanna arm wrestle?'.

Pause it at the right timing and it looks like they were just holding hands. My heart can't handle this.



Also, Sunghoon has this most adorable smile with a dimple and I don't get how he's struggling to act cute. You're already super cute, you only need to smile.

I looked it up yesterday. Jake's Korean name is Jaeyoon. Shim Jaeyoon. Sunghoon and Jake has so many similarities. They were both born in 2002, Jake in November and Sunghoon in December, both are blood type O, both are ISTJ based on MBTI personality test. No wonder they clicked right away. I can only hope that the universe will let them both debut and be each other's strength.

Regardless of who is going to make it, I really wonder how much of the public will catch on to them, and will their debut even be successful? What is the definition of success? Would they beat physical sales of Treasure, who also debuted this year? Would their song make it to the charts with so many competitions? Will they be promoting overseas more, consistent with their 'global idol' premise? Will the so-called 'global' fans continue to support the group after the show is over?

Because I've seen this before. Other than groups from Produce series which were extraordinarily popular, groups formed by non-agency specific survival shows tend to not do well. Winners of MIXNINE did not even get to debut. UNB and UNI.T from The Unit, 1THE9 from Under Nineteen, TOO from World Klass, all performed so-so if not poorly. Their debut lacked hype despite having been on national television survival shows. The first three disbanded without barely making any dent in the idol industry. UNB sold okay I guess the first time, and I also liked their debut song. UNI.T released one last comeback before disbanding with a low budget MV. The song was a bop (Brave Brothers Bop TM), but no one knows it. That was it, after all of those blood, sweat, and tears we witnessed during the show. It pains me to see this. All they wanted was to debut, but if after debuting your group isn't successful, was it worth throwing your youth away?

The industry is so oversaturated, only a handful can survive. I worry every time I see debut plans even when they are from a well-established agency, let alone from a small company. Back then, there weren't that many competitions. Agencies of 2nd gen groups that used to be top to mid-tier now are debuting younger groups, expecting fandom spillover from their senior groups, and hoping for the public to catch on. That strategy doesn't always work.

Woollim's INFINITE's brother group Golden Child never really catches on? Or their songs are just not my taste. They suffered member departure, they also joined Road to Kingdom. They are still growing their numbers, but it's been two years since their debut and one would hope the numbers were better than it actually is. They are already getting ready to debut another group, I'm not sure how the dynamics will be in the Woollim fandom.
TOP Media's Teen TOP's brother group UP10TION was such a waste. They had so much potential but never really take off. Wooshin was caught in an overblown controversy and then took a time off. They sent two people to Produce X last year which later on caught in a voting manipulation scandal. Now Wooshin and Jinhyuk are doing solo stuff (?) UP10TION is left with 7 (?) members, and the agency already debuted an even younger group (MCND). Where can UP10TION go from here without their most popular members, I personally can't see it.
Jellyfish's VIXX's brother group VERIVERY also struggled to grow. They also went to Road to Kingdom to elevate some public recognition, I don't know if that helped at all.
CUBE's BToB's brother group Pentagon... sigh. So much potential. Hui is a genius, CUBE is a huge agency. Many don't want to admit this, but E'Dawn's departure was a huge blow to the group as they were just taking off with the success of Shine. E'Dawn was the most charismatic member and he was a big part of the group's musical direction. After they lost E'Dawn, now their oldest member Jinho already has to leave for military enlistment, Yanan kept getting sick and stayed in China, Pentagon just never really.... catches on.
FNC's SF9 is doing better I guess, with some music show wins and sales exceeding 100k on GAON. The agency is now gearing to debut a new group, P1Harmony.

This is just a very small example, and even they are somewhat successful and resourceful compared to many, many, other groups whose physical sales never even surpassed 10K, who has no previously somewhat famous brother groups, whose company does not have any money to fund proper comebacks, who only releasing digitally because they can't produce CDs, whose company has to resource to crowd-funding their projects via MakeStar.

We are now at a point where 3rd gen idol groups already have brother groups.

I'm not even talking about talent or song quality. Many of these kids competed against dozens to hundreds of people, survived years of training period, they are the best people their agency can come up with, there is no doubt that they are all very talented groups of people. Many of them also have really good songs, they're just buried in the mountain of constant releases, and only a small number of people give them any chance or listen.

So, where would the group from I-Land stand in this oversaturated industry?

Episode 11 is one before the finale. This was two days ago and I'm still obsessed with it. I have so many favorite scenes, like Sunoo reading Jay's letter out loud and Jay screaming 'SERIOUSLY, STOP IT!!', Jay and Heeseung talking and worrying about their ranking, Heeseung calling his brother, Sunoo's sister and Heeseung's brother both liking Jay. But I think the ones I love the most are just Sunghoon scenes. Sunghoon saying 'it's all fives', Sunghoon being weird, Sunghoon learning the moves, Sunghoon singing the wrong lyrics, Sunghoon trying to be cute, Sunghoon consoling Jake after he was criticized by Sungdeuk. THAT Sunghoon and Jake scene was the sweetest, heart-wrenching, please-never-separate-them-ever kind of scene. This week I'm voting for Jake. In my ideal world, it would just be the original 6 I-LANDERS + Sunoo. But the Top 6 is going to be decided by global votes instead of producers' scores, so I don't know how the outcome would be. I just need my 2002 line to make it. All three of them. PLEASE. Other scenes I enjoyed were Jungwon crying because I've never seen him being so vulnerable, I see him always being safe and a little boring / blend into the background. I think this episode is good in the sense that it gives him a little bit of a kick to do something more. Heeseung crying and hugging Jungwon after was touching, too. I don't mind Hanbin being eliminated because I don't see him align with the concept of the debut group, but seeing everyone crying so hard as they say goodbye still breaks my heart. Oh and I also love the bee scene from behind the scenes, so funny.

Next week is the finale! Live! With BTS and TXT! I'm already going insane. Looking back, my favorite scenes consist of Jay and Sunghoon, but I'm voting for Jake. There's something about him, I don't even know what. HE JUST HAS TO MAKE IT. SUNGHOON AND JAKE MUST BE TOGETHER! I think 2001, 2002 x 3, 2003, 2004 is a good main lineup. And one more member ideally either going up in age (K, 1997) or down (Niki, 2005). Jungwon as a maknae would be perfect, though. He is super adorable, capable, and good looking at the same time.

Here are my opinions on the kids:

K - Okay. K learned from Flicker team to listen to people more, and it was really good for him. He certainly is capable. He has been training for a long time, so dancing and singing skills are great. A very hardworking person. If you ask me, I like my group to be somewhat homogenous, so in that sense, K is too tall (?) and old (?) compared to everyone else. I thought he was too serious (majime) but we actually saw a lot of his playful side.
Heeseung - He's a good kid who is capable of a lot of things, and people are comfortable around him. Skill and personality-wise, no problem at all. Some things bother me about him. He really wants the idol life, he's not only dedicating years of his life training, he also got some stuff done to his face. Looking at his predebut pics, it seems like he has his nose done(?), and he got his teeth laminated - which receives criticism. IDK, that bothers me a little bit. He's a good kid, though.
Sunghoon - Is like the perfect, good-looking, cool idol. He's actually super weird and can be really cute, but in front of the camera, he's just feeling awkward. He's used to cameras and spotlight since he was a figure skating athlete since he was little. His face and height are just perfections.
Jay - Jay is crazy. We need him. We just need him.
Jake - There's something about him. He has this charm. Everyone likes him. He knows that his training period was short and he needs to work hard, so he tends to lose his confidence after receiving criticism.
Sunoo - He's very smiley and everyone says how he acts like an idol already. He talks to the camera like he's already seeing his fans behind that camera. Super cute.
Jungwon - Jungwon is so precious. He's so good looking I don't know what to say. If it's up to me, I would want him in the debut line-up.
Niki - IDK. He's a dance prodigy who is really, really talented but I still am not sure if I want him in the final line-up. And if we are taking nationality as a consideration, I feel like there's only one spot for a Japanese in the group, and K is a stronger contender for that spot. Niki is also ... only 14 and I feel like he still has time to learn and grow, compared to K, whose time is running out.
Daniel - I don't know, maybe the producers of the show don't want him in? He barely got any screentime and or praises from the judges. I thought he's popular because he ranked 2nd during the first global voting, but in the second voting result, he did not make the debut cut line. He is also very young though, which makes me think he could be debuting in BigHit's boy group planned for 2022. Or you know, any other groups. I feel like if he doesn't make it, he still has time to find his ground.

They cut our votes from being able to vote for two contestants to just one, I don't know how this would affect the dynamics of the voting numbers.

Wow, I haven't written anything on here since March. Right before the pandemic. Tells a lot about how I procrastinate at work by writing journal entries, and never actually do this at home. Mid-March was the last time I commute to work, back when life was normal. Everything was normal. I went home that day and have been mostly home since. It has been half a year, it's insane. If you'd ask anybody a year ago, nobody would've guessed that they'd be working from home for half a year, and even longer.

Anyway. I've missed so much stuff that has been going on, but I want to write about my current, new, fresh obsession which is I-LAND. I did not intend to watch this show. I was aware of it, but IDK I just wasn't feeling the idea of torturing myself with another survival show that I wasn't going to follow-up after. I was just a little curious at the beginning, but the hype around the show wasn't that good. It's shooting in the middle of a pandemic, they reduce the amount of production staff, there were issues with the safety of the moving stage (?) that a contestant and staff were injured quite badly that they had to withdraw. Plus this is a joint production of Big Hit and MNet, while they're still in the hot water because of that Produce controversy. It just seems like the general public wasn't buying into it at all. Ratings were low, reviews were bad. Of course with me being active in the online KPop world, I was still exposed to it every now and then. I knew there were Japanese trainees, I knew there were ex-Big Hit trainees. Some names keep on popping up, so yeah, I was familiar with some of the names as well even when I have never watched a performance ever.

Here comes Episode 7. BTS guest-starred on it. Well, now I just had to watch it, hadn't I? I got into I-LAND starting at the end of Part 1 and the start of Part 2, which is a good point to start. The number of participants has been reduced to 12. It's easier for new viewers to learn about them, compared to the 23 participants at the beginning of the show. BTS was so much fun to watch. The participants were so excited to see BTS in I-LAND and giving advice on how to overcome their concerns even when they don't meet in person.

My impression at the beginning of watching the show is; I wanted to support Japanese trainees, mainly K and Taki because I've seen their brotherhood on some clips previously. I know Taki is very popular because his name always trends worldwide every Friday after I-Land airs. I did not like Heeseung. I don't even remember why, probably because I read something negative about him and I just believed it, I guess. I also did not like Niki? Simply because he sabotaged Taki at the beginning of the show. I did not have any strong opinions about other participants. I didn't even know that Hanbin was Vietnamese. I quickly learned their names and faces after Episode 7.

Fav scene: BTS answering trainees' questions (Jay's was particularly funny), Taki calling his mom.

Episode 8 was BTS Test. It was tough to watch. Taki was clearly struggling with basically everything. I realized then that he just wasn't ready. I don't see him with the right skills or mental capacity to debut. He had a hard time having to lead the Fake Love team, even with the best members he could ever choose. I regretted voting for Taki. And then there's K and Niki drama which I hate. I did not like watching both of them during this drama. I don't think what K did was wise. He scolded Niki like that and it ruins the whole mood of the team. I don't like how Niki handles that part, too. Even after K pointed out that he shouldn't add that extra movement into the routine, he still just went ahead and did it in front of Sungdeuk. I was not on either side of the argument. At the end of the episode, they showed us the mid-result of the global voting and it was... kind of shocking. Taki came 4th, which makes me even more regretful of my choice to vote for him all week. K came 9th, which I think is influenced by the evil-editing people were talking about. He said he couldn't understand how Sunoo and Daniel ranked 1st and 2nd, higher than Heeseung who has been in I-LAND the whole show. The worst of it all was Jay, who was the original I-LANDER in Episode 7, ranked last (11). I felt compelled to help him. That week I voted for K, Jay, and Jake. Taki ranked last but was not eliminated because of his team. Geonu was eliminated in his place and I do not care too much.

Fav scene: Sunghoon, Sunoo, and Heeseung goofing in their practice room.

Episode 9 was Flicker VS Dive Into You. This episode does not give me a good feeling about K. He's certainly is really good at dancing, but this episode did not paint him in a good light. Heeseung ranked 1st in BTS Test so he had the benefit of choosing his members and song. He chose K knowing that K is really good, but K ruins the mood of the team. He's bossy, he shows discontent every time someone says something he disagrees with, and he throws responsibility away when he was questioned (vocal coach scene). Well, now I regret voting for him. The 'drama' ended with them talking to each other about the problem which was a good opportunity for everyone to learn how to communicate but still left a bad taste in my mouth. This episode shows Jay on the opposite side of K. He was playful but hardworking, funny but still considerate of others. He assigns roles based on strength of each person. He was just an impromptu leader but we could see how well he leads his team, and everyone likes his presence, unlike K. This week I was still voting for K, Jay, and Jake. Top 3 got the benefit of going out and it was really, really nice to see them having fun. The present scene was sweet. Jake ranked first and got the benefit of double the vote he receives in 24 hours.

Fav scenes: Sunghoon skating!

Episode 10 SEVENTEEN performance team came to I-LAND. The kids were shown messages from the fans and were given fan letters. They were so happy. They were answering fan requests, Jay was shown the scene where he cried, everyone had a good laugh. They also left messages to each other, plus Jay dramatically choose to write letters to each and every one of them because he thought he was getting eliminated the next day. It was so touching and seeing their bond and friendship definitely makes us want to support them to the end. Taki was eliminated and I do think it was time for him to go.

Fav scenes: Hoshi pointing out how Jay and Jun look-alike, Sunghoon feeling tortured by having to be cute, Sunghoon crying after watching the video message from Jake, Jay scolding Jungwon for being pretty even when he cried, Jay writing letters with Doraemon hand, kids being so happy for fan letters, Sunoo asking Jay to turn off the lights from behind the scenes.