( I fixed my graphics comm )

As I was re-coding, I reminisced my muses and how my graphics evolve around them. I've been doing graphics since a very long time as just a side hobby, but got more serious in iconing during my Adam Lambert fandom period. Back then, my muse was Tommy. It was 2009 - 2010 when I was still mainly using LiveJournal, my graphics was not good so I don't think I will go back that far to fix and restore my old graphics comm where all my Tommy arts are. Tommy wasn't a very popular icon subject, and that pushes me beyond my comfort zone to create all sorts of fannish things surrounding him. I did a decent job. I made many-many icons, a fanmix, picspams, etc. He was a cute glitterbaby. My first 'real' fandom experience ever.

( other fandoms )

Now two years apart, I got into BTS focusing on V. To be honest, I'm struggling. There are a lot of factors that contribute to this. One, I had two years break from Photoshop. I haven't been creating or learning anything new. The trend in the icon community changed a lot. I feel so old still clinging to icon styles from years ago. Two, I am very new to the fandom and have very small amount of resources. I need to dig in deeper, scour different parts of the internet and watch TONS of past videos to get my way around. Google is my friend, but there are only so much things you can find via google without base knowledge. It's 4+ years worth of fandom materials, I don't think I can ever catch up. Three, Tae is pretty, but I love him for his personality more than his looks (unlike previous cases). I disagree with many of his personal choices especially in styling and fashion. They hurt my eyes. And feelings lol. Or am I just old and I couldn't understand current fashion trend? I wish the kids have stylists to guide them even during off times or at least when going to the airport when they know, all eyes are going to be on them. But V would disagree with that idea for sure. He's such a free spirit, we should just let him choose what he wants or he wouldn't be himself.

It feels like it's been months since we last saw Tao performs with EXO (which was the comeback stage), and after dragging forever it seems like today it has became clearer that he's not coming back. I thought I would know how I'd feel when yet another member decides to leave the group but alas, I don't. It's a mixed feeling of sadness and grief that the group faces another loss of member, pity for Tao because of how much injuries he had suffered, but also relief that he is now free to take time to heal and choose activities that will not aggravate his injuries. I don't know. I believe happiness is everything. If you don't feel happy with they way things are, with your life, with your job, then you need to do something about it. In Tao's case though, he loves the group so much and he didn't want to leave, but how the company treated him and his body up to the point of no repair is just wrong. I understand how his father talked him into sense that this can't go on. If I were a parent I probably would do the same, no parents want to see their child suffers.

EXO 12 was so happy, young, beautiful, and it was a good memory, but I do believe EXO 9 can do just as good if not already much better. Other groups lost members and they still can shine bright. Things just went out of control with EXO, they get so popular so fast, and in some cases (like Kris and Luhan), I think they've unintentionally became bigger than the group, the group can no longer contain them. Nobody predicted this. That is why they survive just fine without the management/the group.

Yesterday EXO released their latest MV which is Call Me Baby and I finally realized where I stand with EXO post-Luhan's exit. I haven't written about it here, last time I only said I was going to stop stanning Luhan at that point because it was too painful.

In October last year I took everything EXO related off my daily life, livejournal notifications, tumblr updates on my phone, I stayed away from anything that reminds me of Lulu for a while. One day I was casually browsing Omona when I saw it : Rumor post of Luhan's exit from EXO. My heart skipped a beat and I did not know what to feel at that point but in my heart, I know the possibility of this rumor coming true is high. Within the next days we got the confirmation that it is true. Everything makes sense now, his hospital visit, his travel arrangement which has been different from other members for a while, his last goodbye on Beijing stage, his swollen face on the last day of the concert .... The puzzles are coming together for me. I did not dwell into the shitstorm as much as I did when Kris left, because as a Luhan stan I know I don't want to face the negativity. Now Lulu is the traitor. Now Lulu is the backstabber who leaves the company after he gains fame. But I do know in my heart that I still want to support the kid.

Soon after, I managed to get over things and accept Lulu and EXO as two different entities and I got back to my normal stanning mode. I follow the news etc, the usual. Lulu was resting a lot, I did not see much of him really, compared to the days he was with EXO. We used to know where he is every goddamn day. I was so relieved when we finally saw him buying coffee in Beijing. I'm happy that he is home. I'm content with the fact that he is now able to make decisions for himself and got his best friend, someone who cares about him a lot, as his manager.

I'm enjoying his cute little updates here and there, and I was SUPER excited that his film was being screened here at local theaters, I went to watch it two times. He's still the cutest and the most precious thing in the world to me. I was excited about EXO's comeback, too. I think the teasers were cool and I purchased the album as soon as it was available on iTunes. That was until yesterday, when they released the MV of Call Me Baby. I immediately watched the MV. I love it. I love the song, the concept, the outfit, the hair, I love everything about it except the fact that Lulu is no longer part of the group. If I were in the stages of grief, I'm in stage three which is bargaining. In my heart I kept thinking "... if only Lulu is still in the group, he would look so cool in these outfits", "... if only Lulu is still in EXO I would be much more interested in this MV and comeback" etc. But you know, I'm a grown ass person and I'm fully aware that Lulu is now happy and safe at home with lots of other cool opportunities and that's just the best for him.

As for EXO, without Lulu in the group I realized that they now had become just another K-Pop boy group to me. If Lulu were still in the group, I would be purchasing both versions, listening to Lulu's parts, following all the news and concerts, downloading the MV and analyzing it frame by frame, purchasing multiple physical copies, making icons of the new teasers and lots of other stan activities. Now, I watched the MV once. It's great, but that's enough for me. I only have digital Korean version of the album and I'm even going to get rid some of the songs that I don't really like without feeling guilty. I do have slight fanatism for SM boy groups, so the excitement level is probably the same as if Super Junior or SHINee has a comeback and the song is good.

Many months ago, I asked myself in my post about Kris's exit, what would I do if Lulu decides to quit EXO, at that time I did not know what I'd do. I did not even want to think of the possibility for it to come true. But now I know. Fandoms, nationality, country, language, nothing really matters to me. I'm a Lulu stan. No matter what he decides to do, I will continue to support him.

(until I found something else to obsess about and I lost interest in him, that is)

This is a warning to everyone around me : DON'T ASK ME ABOUT EXO CONCERT if you're not ready to hear me rambling for the next 30 minutes lol. My colleagues at work asked me and I wonder if they regret it. fe asked me on twitter and I bombarded her with 7 replies lol.

Anyway, I was thinking today about the VCRs at the concert which is so fucking good??? If they had them on youtube I'd watch for a hundred times and if they sell them I probably would buy. There were many of them, combined with mapping on the main stage, everything was so good!

The opening VCR with them running, the Heart Attack VCR (UGH I LOVE HEART ATTACK) which is so good?? And the ending VCR with their preparation for the tour, the practice, the meetings, the rehearsals, all nicely filmed and it is something I'd like to see rather than bullshit photoshoot BTS videos. Do they usually release these things after the tour is over? Oh ok I know, they'll sell a tour DVD box set with crazy price (-____-). But really, the camera work both for the show and VCR were really nice.

LULU WAS SO BEAUTIFUL OMG. Lemme run through all members (no particular order) :

Sehun - was injured, poor bb. He tried his best during the whole show, but his solo stage was omitted and he sat on a stool during Wolf and Growl. BUT OMG HE'S THE CUTEST THING EVER?????? He looked just like the photos, the gifs, and he acted just like the little shit that he is. He is so fucking cute. He did a V sign pose for a fan from the middle stage it was so fucking cute AKSFSLKFJSF:SD. Cute maknae. It was weird to hear the interpreter translated maknae into 'bungsu' something I never thought of and it's really cute to hear.

Because of his injury, HE WENT TO THE AIRPORT WEARING FLIP FLOPS. Something King of fashion Oh Sehun would never do, lol.

Lulu - SAIYAN HAIR LULU!!! I like it? 8) He was so beautiful and glowing. But things ran through my mind as I was watching him. Like how he looked so thin and tired. How he probably is bored with the routines, especially Mama, since they've been performing that song for 2 years now? The thing I hated was I feel like most of the time he was so far away from my section, couldn't really see him except for on the screen. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TALK SO SHORT THOUGH. YOUR SOLO WAS ALSO SO SHORT.

( the rest + more photos under the cut )

[CONFIRMED] EXO FROM EXOPLANET #1 - THE LOST PLANET in Jakarta | Sat, 6 Sept 2014 | 6.30 PM | Lapangan D Senayan | #LOSTPLANETinINA

— DyandraEntertainment (@DyandraEnt) July 18, 2014

We finally have a date and ticket pricing.

The one thing that I do not have for sure until now is... a friend to go with.

I have this friend Jennifer, whom I met on postcrossing. I was ecstatic that she loves EXO and she is planning to go to the concert and we made a promise to go together. She said she'd have to choose seat ticket because she won't be able to bear standing for such a long time. I thought whatever, if they have a two days concert or three, I'd go by myself in different area on one day, and go for the seat with Jennifer on the other.

Turns out, they only have one date. Which I still couldn't believe until this point. EXO is huge here. Every teen in the archipelago would want to see them, why do they do this to us? The competition to get tickets will be HELL. And one more bad news : MEIS, aka Jakarta's only indoor stadium in which every artist performs, is closed because of some scandals. Great. And now we get Lapangan D for the venue which is a fucking track field. I ... really don't like everything so far, the venue, the idea that there will be only ONE day, BUT I'M GOING ANYWAY. This is the concert I've been waiting since forever and we don't know when EXO will ever visit the city again. So I'm going.

Jennifer told me she's not because there's no seating. She said she'll try to check other South East Asian dates and look into whether she'll go to those places instead (Singapore, Bangkok). Obviously, I don't have the luxury to go to another country for a concert so I will go even if Jennifer isn't and I will have to go alone.

Yesterday, I had a family Eid gathering at my aunt's. And while talking to my cousin in law, I found out that my 14 yo niece is dying to go to EXO's concert. So... we're going together? I guess that was our last agreement, but today my mom said her parents aren't sure about letting her go because the ticket is fucking expensive (especially the area I was aiming). They were trying to talk her into not going and go to a family vacation to Bangkok instead. Plus other things. Poor thing. I can imagine being her, 14 and I bet this is everything she'd ever wanted. And if she doesn't get it, she will regret this moment her whole life. Or not. I was just imagining if I were in her position.

Anyway, even if I have to go alone I still will go. That is... if I can get tickets.

Yesterday I attended my Korean class. I enjoy the classes, but the one thing that bothers me, is that it is really hard for me to switch from Japanese mode to Korean mode sometimes, especially when I have translation deadlines like right now. I really want to focus on translating, but I had to attend the class. I can feel my Japanese and Indonesian language skill deteriorating as I'm trying to learn Korean. I'm trying to find my ways around it.

My class basically is separated into two; people who sit on the left side, most of which are from the original Sejong 1 Tue - Thurs class, and the right side which is ... transferred students from other classes. I'm in the original group with my friends, and we don't switch seats which cut the chance of ever talking to people from the other side of the class.

Yesterday after class I saw one person from the other side walking to the same direction I was walking to, so I decided to talk to her. I've never really talked to her before, but I do remember her from her self introduction when we first started our class, because she's an EXO stan. She is (or was) a Kris fan. I called her to wait for me and we walked together while talking about EXO.

( conversation under the cut )

I've been in fandom ups and downs before and I learned my lesson. When something bad happens... it is best to stay away from it.

But it's just impossible, isn't it? It's all I got in my mind since the news broke. And I too, finally had shed tears over this (I promised myself I wouldn't). My heart is with EXO, it is so hard to imagine how they're feeling right now, how they're coping with this, having a person who has been with them for years (their leader, even) turned his back and left them, probably forever. How all years of hard work and their dreams are in jeopardy, just right before their first ever solo concert that every idol might had dreamed of since their trainee days.

I cried seeing Lay squealed like a little girl at their Japan fanmeeting, I cried imagining how heart broken Tao is, I cried thinking how much more sleep everyone is losing for having to re-do everything for the concert.

I respect Kris' decision for himself, but after observing how well planned and organized his leave was, I can't but feeling for the other 11 who are hurt. I can't with him right now.


*stay strong, EXO kids*

Huge crisis in EXO fandom today as Kris wants to leave the group and sue SM a la Hangeng.

My initial reaction was 'can you do this after the concert?'. EXO's first ever solo concert is coming up in mere days now and we're hit by this news. But the truth is, there never is the right time to do this. No matter when it is, there will be a huge blow. The fandom is massive. EXO is now one of the top groups in the K-Pop world right now and there is no chance that this won't blow up.

I know there are a lot of considerations to make; there's that slave contract, there's a group with 11 other members who all had been working their asses off, there are years of hard work, not to mention the fame they gain from working for the company. BUT. I do think a person is the only one who could make decisions for themselves.

We've always heard people say "If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree." Or other similar sayings about seeking your own happiness. I respect the decision, and I myself had experienced working a job I hate/doing things that are not for me and during the time it felt very, very drowning and depressing. If Kris isn't happy and wants to leave, then ... I wish he finds happiness and success in ways that he can enjoy.

I've been listening to my leaked copy of Overdose and I'm so addicted to it. I tried to restrain myself from listening to it too much because I'm worried that by the song is officially out, I'd be sick of it already. But I LOVE it I can't handle. I had a hard time liking Wolf and Growl was just okay, so IDK I've been wanting EXO to release a single that I can really like.

I love the song, I love the concept, I love the play on design of their logo to create some kind of a maze, I think it is brilliant. I've also obviously watched the leaked dance practice too many times, and I must say, even though there are parts that I don't like, but the last part where they do waves and then D.O does a spin while Jongin and Chanyeol switch places is mesmerizing. I can watch that part forever.

Parts that I don't like is the clapping and the puppeteer/whack-a-mole move, I think it's awkward. BAP did a far better job in puppeteer moves. I love the outfits shown in the MV teaser, but the dramatic shirt with over-sized ballooned sleeves, NO. I mean for posing/photographing okay, it gives the dramatic touch I guess. But they wore the outfit for their first overdose performance and it was ugly. It's shapeless, colorless, and the weird construction of the outfit is just not made for dancing. WHO CHOSE THIS FOR YOU.

Okay in the mean time I'll stare and enjoy cuteness of this creature :



My thoughts and prayers for the victims and families of the Sewol incident.

EXO's comeback show on April 15th!! I was thinking that they're going to comeback in May, but turns out it's this month \o/ Excited to see what concept they're going to present this time :) The thing that makes me sad is though, that they're going to split M and K for their own promotion in China and Korea respectively. Which means ... less OT12 and this breaks my heart :'( I want them to be together forever. And also this is a mini album, which ... well I don't know how the industry works but supposedly the promotion scale etc will be smaller as well compared to wolf/growl era? IDK IDK I just wish they'd COME HERE.

Anyway, on Luhan's look for this era, I panicked when they posted hair watch post on exochocolate and I saw Lulu with a cap and his hair looked short. As a fan of long(er) hair on anyone, I freaked. I just wish they'd stop cutting their hair short, no more disasters like Wolf era Chanyeol or Yixing, please.

But when his teaser pic was out I LOVE IT. I just love it. They curl his bangs, which seems to be longer than the rest of his hair. And his pretty face is now my lock screen ♥


Today he was spotted (probably in front of SM?) with a single pig tail on his head which OMG I can't. I gasped so loud my colleague thought something happened. Because his disneyland LA look was so cute it's one of my favorite Lulu looks of all time and I thought I would never have the chance to see him wearing it again.

I woke up this morning to an exochocolate notification. It was a daily thing for me and I looove notifications from the comm because it is among my sources of exo news, it's reliable and fun. HOWEVER! I was not ready when I saw this EXO Christmas tree with the news of their winter comeback!!! WHAT IS THIS. IT WAS TOO EARLY FOR ME TO PROCESS THIS. I haven't even grabbed the whole idea of them getting their own variety show (no, I haven't seen it yet) and now this?

I just woke up, I barely could tell who is who in the picture (I just have to). I was panicking trying to figure out who is who (they are styled so similarly!) from a tiny picture that was leaked first.

I thought there would be a comeback in November, but of course, it'll be a Christmas album. Like, why not, right? EXO is really close to selling 1 million albums this year and the greedy management would want them to surpass that to break records and get more $$$. But seriously though. Dressing them as (supposedly) elves? The Christmas tree of life? WHAT.

I don't think I'll ever be ready for this.

I saw posts on tumblr and exochocolate about the upcoming Running Man episode with EXO in it and I'm SO EXCITED!! I don't even watch Running Man, I mean I watched one episode which has Eunhyuk in it and that was it. But I'm just excited about it because it's a super popular show everywhere. So many of my friends and family are a big fan of the show and they never miss an episode.


And some updates on life... last night I attended my 11th Korean class. Time flies! And the sonsengnim tortured us with 2 hours of dictation of all the materials we have learned before. It was hard!

I'm also taking some fun online classes from Julie Fei-fan Balzer, whose designs and art style I love. It's very fun and easy to follow, plus very informative for a mix media newbie like me. So excited to try out some of her techniques :D

I went to bed super early yesterday because I was sick. Plus we are waking up at 4 am every day for Ramadan supper. And guess what I was missing???? OH NOTHING, YOU KNOW, JUST WOLF DRAMA MV WHICH WE HAD BEEN WAITING SINCE FOREVER.



WHAT IS THIS?!? WHAT ISSS THIIIISSS?!?! Well this is not at all what I expected. Also I watched this after having my supper at 4.30 am and my mom kept on talking to me so I might need to watch it again. ANYWAY, whatever this is, THIS IS NOT WOLF DRAMA MV! Did SM actually realize that Wolf is a horrible song, thus they decided to mix other (better) songs from XOXO in ... whatever this is? Also, there's almost no EXO in this, there's just Luhan jumping all over the place and supporting actors. As a Luhan fan that I am, I shouldn't be complaining but still ... Now I know why SM delayed releasing this, they need this before they release the next MV, but they don't have a strong or clear concept on how to do it. Plus Kris is almost nowhere in this. In other words, this is a mess.

Gmail failed me by categorizing all emails from LJ to "social" mail and it didn't give me any notifications for any social mails when I already got 10 of them!! FAIL. I turned on my comm notifications for a reason, you know.

Aaaand my boss just caught me watching this, ignoring him because I had my earphone on (-_______-). Again, my plan to watch this in peace failed. *gives up*

I was actually holding up hopes that they're going to comeback this month because. Yeah. Just because. We've been tricked so many times! Not that I've been in this fandom for so long but still! Gah!


( ... )

This is my entry for challenge #38 : Create Something @ theaviary :D

( Read more... )

here

After dreading it for a while, I decided to post my inspired20in20 batch as it was, I didn't do any major changes since the last time I edit them. I'm not super satisfied and proud of them but hey, I finished the challenge and I managed to stick with the theme (and the commitment to finish it on time). Now I shall work on other projects.

Yesterday before I left the house my mom asked me to buy her a book, so while I was in the mall I visited a bookstore and .... I found this magazine.


It's EXO! I can't not buy this!?!? It has EXO-K on the front cover and EXO-M on the back (Luhan <3). I know it's a really cheap looking magazine with pics probably stolen from the internet but ... it's EXO, lol. Not for me though, I don't need magazines. I gave it to Mrs. Noor this morning for her daughter who loves Baekhyun so much. I hope she likes it :3

( On a not really happy note )

On Graphics
Last Friday as I glanced through my f-list on LJ I encountered a mod post at inspired20in20. In it the mod was emphasizing to participants to stick to the theme, and that icons for this round shouldn't show clear subjects, and should obscure them in some way. I was so inspired by that post I signed up for the challenge again after 13 rounds! I claimed ... Luhan. Of course. As I was so inspired, I immediately work on my first icons for the batch, and some with clear concept in my mind went great, went okay, but after cropping like 30 pics, I started to get frustrated about it. Because when I see it most of my icons fall on the category of just 'no face', while the point of this whole challenge is to push yourself to create icons beyond your comfort zone, and the concept is supposed to be about obscuring your subject on purpose. I look at my sad batch of icons again at 1 am, alone and frustrated, and they all look purposeless. I need to get on them again and create some complex icons (which is my total weakness). Sketching some ideas atm.

( more randomness under the cut )

I've only been a fan of EXO from last December, so unlike other fans who has been following them from before the debut, I'm still casually listening to MAMA and I enjoy it as it is. I'm more the visual kind who loves to look at MVs, pretty pictures, edits, etc, and I wasn't really aware (or care) of the fact that this rookie boyband still need to release an actual album. I'm used to western musicians who release an album when they feel like they're ready for an album instead of because their company wants them to. So I simply thought a year or two without a new song or album is a usual thing. Just like how Fall Out Boy is releasing a new album after 5 years (which is yay!).

It was until I joined the fandom as a whole, I followed blogs on tumblr, engage in discussions in exochocolate, it became crystal clear to me how EXO fans have been waiting FOREVER for a comeback that doesn't seem to be seen.

As I became a part of the fandom, I too, now joined the army of anxious EXO fans whose patience running thin as they wait for the long-awaited comeback with bated breath. There are hundreds of EXO come back jokes out there, a typographic poster that says "EXO is never coming back", or a picture of a skeleton in front of a set of computer depicting an EXO fan who waited for the comeback that never comes.

( man my entries are all walls of text )

Okay I have two hours left at work and I already spent the last 5 hours not really knowing what to do so, why don't I introduce my last obsession EXO in my blog. I haven't blogged for a while (;____;)

I'm not really sure when this started. I'm basically not a multi-fandom person, when in a fandom, I'm usually pretty loyal to it. SMTown Live was the point where I got my loyalty questioned. I liked SuJu and was kind of obsessed with Eunhyuk since August, but after SMTown Live in September, it was like, oh I saw him live and that was the end of my obsession.

( word vomit under the cut; beware the wall of text )

Right after, I managed to remember all 12 member's names and was able to differentiate them in MVs/pics. NOW LET'S GET TO KNOW THEM (my favorite -> my least favorite).

LuhanOriginally my bias was Chanyeol, but then I found out that no one would be more precious than my baby deer Luhan. He is the absolute cutest, most adorable, and kindest.

SehunI didn't like him at first, he's just weird and his constant :| face bugs me a little. But then. HunHan. Sexy Hun, Dumb Hun, precious maknae. I just can not. He's my favorite. I love him so much up to the point I'm physically unable to not reblog any Sehun posts on tumblr, lol. I guess I can blame ohsehunnie1 for this.

( and the rest of them )