Yesterday EXO released their latest MV which is Call Me Baby and I finally realized where I stand with EXO post-Luhan's exit. I haven't written about it here, last time I only said I was going to stop stanning Luhan at that point because it was too painful.

In October last year I took everything EXO related off my daily life, livejournal notifications, tumblr updates on my phone, I stayed away from anything that reminds me of Lulu for a while. One day I was casually browsing Omona when I saw it : Rumor post of Luhan's exit from EXO. My heart skipped a beat and I did not know what to feel at that point but in my heart, I know the possibility of this rumor coming true is high. Within the next days we got the confirmation that it is true. Everything makes sense now, his hospital visit, his travel arrangement which has been different from other members for a while, his last goodbye on Beijing stage, his swollen face on the last day of the concert .... The puzzles are coming together for me. I did not dwell into the shitstorm as much as I did when Kris left, because as a Luhan stan I know I don't want to face the negativity. Now Lulu is the traitor. Now Lulu is the backstabber who leaves the company after he gains fame. But I do know in my heart that I still want to support the kid.

Soon after, I managed to get over things and accept Lulu and EXO as two different entities and I got back to my normal stanning mode. I follow the news etc, the usual. Lulu was resting a lot, I did not see much of him really, compared to the days he was with EXO. We used to know where he is every goddamn day. I was so relieved when we finally saw him buying coffee in Beijing. I'm happy that he is home. I'm content with the fact that he is now able to make decisions for himself and got his best friend, someone who cares about him a lot, as his manager.

I'm enjoying his cute little updates here and there, and I was SUPER excited that his film was being screened here at local theaters, I went to watch it two times. He's still the cutest and the most precious thing in the world to me. I was excited about EXO's comeback, too. I think the teasers were cool and I purchased the album as soon as it was available on iTunes. That was until yesterday, when they released the MV of Call Me Baby. I immediately watched the MV. I love it. I love the song, the concept, the outfit, the hair, I love everything about it except the fact that Lulu is no longer part of the group. If I were in the stages of grief, I'm in stage three which is bargaining. In my heart I kept thinking "... if only Lulu is still in the group, he would look so cool in these outfits", "... if only Lulu is still in EXO I would be much more interested in this MV and comeback" etc. But you know, I'm a grown ass person and I'm fully aware that Lulu is now happy and safe at home with lots of other cool opportunities and that's just the best for him.

As for EXO, without Lulu in the group I realized that they now had become just another K-Pop boy group to me. If Lulu were still in the group, I would be purchasing both versions, listening to Lulu's parts, following all the news and concerts, downloading the MV and analyzing it frame by frame, purchasing multiple physical copies, making icons of the new teasers and lots of other stan activities. Now, I watched the MV once. It's great, but that's enough for me. I only have digital Korean version of the album and I'm even going to get rid some of the songs that I don't really like without feeling guilty. I do have slight fanatism for SM boy groups, so the excitement level is probably the same as if Super Junior or SHINee has a comeback and the song is good.

Many months ago, I asked myself in my post about Kris's exit, what would I do if Lulu decides to quit EXO, at that time I did not know what I'd do. I did not even want to think of the possibility for it to come true. But now I know. Fandoms, nationality, country, language, nothing really matters to me. I'm a Lulu stan. No matter what he decides to do, I will continue to support him.

(until I found something else to obsess about and I lost interest in him, that is)