I'm being very sulky today. I decided not to participate in Map of The Soul: One concert. I didn't buy any tickets, exhibition access, or merch related to this concert. There are several logical reasons for this, the biggest one being my bad experience with BangBangCon The Live. I was very excited about that concert, I bought my ticket, I was ready with my lightstick and all, but it didn't go well. It was very choppy, the stream stopped working, I had to watch from my small mobile screen. In the end, I couldn't enjoy it at all. After the concert, they had to run it through the Korean broadcasting agency (?) to get approval before we can enjoy it as VOD. This process took forever, by the time it was approved, I already lost my interest to watch it.

MOTS:One ticket is very expensive. The ticket price for only one show is almost twice the price I paid for Bangbangcon in my currency. My local currency is weak because of the pandemic, and the price itself is more expensive because the concert is on a much bigger scale than BBC with obviously higher production costs. Moreover, this price does not include VOD. We can re-watch the show delayed one time the next day, and that is it. They probably have plans to release this as a separate VOD or DVD later on. It is too much money to spend on a one-time viewing without any guarantee that it'll work at all with my internet connection. I just cannot make this purchase make sense.

In conclusion, I didn't buy it. On top of that, I'm being very conscious about not consuming paid content that I don't want to pay for. If I don't want to pay for it, I shouldn't consume it. Yes, I do see clips of paid content being posted here and there every now and then, but I do not actively seek out illegal streaming links to watch the whole show for free. Being an idol is a job. There are a lot of people involved in preparing this concert and they all need to be paid. I saw people justifying illegal streaming links by pointing out that Big Hit is a billion-dollar company and watching this concert illegally won't hurt them, but really, to me, it's not about that at all. Watching paid content illegally felt morally wrong. I love BTS and they are working very hard for this. It feels like I rob the very people I love and respect.

I couldn't help but feel left out the whole day as everyone is celebrating the concert while I was trying to avoid it. I have my reasons as I stated above, but deep down of course I also want to see and support the boys. It is sad. I kept repeating how I really wanted to watch them live again this year that I've been preparing since last year. I saved money for the trip, applied for multiple entry visa to Korea, had my membership ready for ticket raffle, had my Discover Seoul Pass, I was ready. I was more than ready.

An ARMY friend contacted me this afternoon asking if there will be any links (for illegal uploads) later because she really wants to watch. She said she loves BTS so much, she doesn't understand it anymore, and she would do so far as looking for the links. To be honest I felt disgusted at her statement because... she has been an ARMY for a while now and she never spent a penny on BTS. She always watches shows for free, never bought anything from albums, merch, or DVDs. I know people have different standards and moral compass, but, if she loves BTS so much and wants to watch it so badly, then she should pay for the ticket. BTS gave us so much free content, and you also want their paid content for free? I wish she realizes that other than the free things, we as fans are only entitled to things that we paid for.

It has only been two weeks since the last episode of I-LAND, but it really feels like forever. We're getting updates here and there, haphazard spin-off contents, the fucking boring notes videos, awkward vlives, twitter posts, naver posts, weverse moments, but all of those combined still aren't able to replace the joy of watching a fully produced reality tv show. I'll be honest, without 'real' things to be excited about, the kids are boring. I'm bored. The kids are trying too hard to hide their presumably new hair colors and or style, it's getting on my nerves. And it's only been two weeks! We're getting something soon, I'm sure. In the meantime, I'll just go do something else and forget about all this lol.

During this pandemic, I've been obsessed with a lot of things fast, but they've only been able to catch my attention for a bit before the excitement wears off and I moved on to something else. I wonder if I-LAND/ENHYPEN is just one of them or whether this group will truly stay in my heart and mind.

I remember I also was obsessed with Stray Kids after their TV show, but now I'm just a casual fan. I watched Treasure Box and was very obsessed as well in the beginning, but the debut took forever and while I still do watch their contents, I'm just a casual fan. I also watched some parts of Undernineteen and PD X, but yeah. Maybe, my attention for groups formed by survival shows just doesn't last. It was exciting because of the TV show. Or my love for BTS is just too strong, nothing will be able to replace it. Plus, the fandom is currently enjoying the highest highs, with many achievements and overflowing content. I don't know if any other fandom will ever be able to take my full attention and love away from BTS.

Oh and actually, I've also been keeping an eye on everyone who is debuting this year, and one of the groups I'm quite excited about is DRIPPIN! I'm not familiar with Woollim Ent, to be honest, but I knew the kids from PD X, and I watched their YouTube stuff and they're such a fun group of people! Their contents are much more fresh and interesting to watch due to their personalities. Even Junho who was told he lacked expressions is much more lively and fun now. Hyeop is just loud. Yunseong is such a good leader, I love him, And I've always been fascinated by polyglots, so getting to know Alex, the maknae, has been wonderful. I love him already. His background! His mom is a Korean who works as an interpreter, and his dad is German.

This actually just reminds me of one more thing that bothers me about ENHYPEN. They keep saying that they're a global group, and that's also the premise of the whole show, and we can see CLEARLY that there are more English comments in ANY of the twitter posts or weverse or VLIVEs, but they did not even try to talk to us in English??? Like, almost at all??? This bugs me to no end.

In the beginning, I was sad that the tour was canceled and all, but really, there's a silver lining to everything. Other than the never-ending content we're getting, I'm pleasantly surprised to know that BTS has been gaining more popularity during the pandemic than ever. And if we look at it more closely, Big Hit is probably making more profit by spending significantly less money by doing everything locally. Aside from not being able to meet fans, it's probably better for BTS, too. There's no need for stressful air travel for the whole entourage. There's no need to pay attention to the time difference, no jet lags, no separation from families and family pets, no need for extra security because they're in high risk / public / crowded area, (mostly) no exposure to persistent fansite photographers and paparazzi. Plus as much as I love ON and I would love to be at MOTS Tour in person, I could imagine how taxing the whole set would be for their bodies. I'm okay with not witnessing them dying in the backstage ever again.

With the release and success of Dynamite, they have been the busiest they've ever been. Numerous radio, tv, magazine interviews, lots and lots of performances, magazine cover shoots, all while commuting to their own studio to work on their new album, in the comfort of their own city. This is actually crazy! They hit number 1 on the Hot 100 chart for THREE weeks with Dynamite so effortlessly without even having to release an album, write the song by themselves, display a high-level choreography, or step outside of the country. It's just a fun little magical song! They performed it everywhere but also back home!

All of their performances are in-house production, they are working with studios they're comfortable and familiar with. Because the production company is local, it's easy to communicate and arrange how they want everything to look like from the set, the atmosphere, the stage, the lighting, etc. The camera work is perfect! EVERYTHING is perfect! And these performances get millions of views in just one day, BTS is getting the popularity, and the station/program/whoever inviting them is getting the attention. Win-win. Great.

The downside is probably not having as much material to be sold as movies, DVDs, and photo books as in previous years. We don't know how the situation will be next year, and we're also still waiting for more details on how they'll be handling their military duty.

Now that my ult BTS is coming back, my love and attention for all other fandoms goes out the window, basically. I'm so excited for the new era, I can't wait.

People are speculating another 3 or 4 albums for this new era, more or less the same as Love Yourself.

I didn't read the book they are referring to, but possible titles based on Jung's Map of The Soul:
Map of The Soul : Persona
Map of The Soul : Anima/Animus
Map of The Soul : Ego/Shadow(?)
Map of The Soul : Self

Probably also with more or less the same timeline as before?

They will drop the first album, finish Love Yourself Tour in between releases, and then come up with the second album while preparing a new tour, and then drop the last(?) album/compilation by the beginning of the new tour. One of them will be just a short film and not an album. HYYH and LY era follow this pattern, I think?

We also found out that Persona is going to be a mini album, just like Her.

Oh and Big Hit dropped links to pre-order today. I still don't know where to pre-order it (them) from. I have never ordered from Big Hit Shop, the first time I did was the Pre-order of Love Yourself Seoul Blu-Ray which isn't going to be released until April. I resisted buying from there because the lack of payment options (I just really didn't want to use PayPal and I prefer to pay in KRW instead of USD), but I learned by the time they release Seasons Greetings, that they're going to make certain things exclusive to the shop so I will have to buy from them sooner or later.

The perks of shopping from the official shop is of course, we'll get Big Hit Shop only bonus items, and we also collect points. This point system isn't just for making a purchase at the shop, we also get points from attending events and owning official releases (even when we purchase from other stores). Other than that, I haven't had any experiences with the shipping, I hope it's fast. But shipping fee wise, it's about the same with if I buy from Synnara.

The con is, we can't get discounted prices. Big Hit sells their own stuff with fixed retail price while other stores can offer more a competitive pricing because they know BTS albums/releases sell well. It's only the first day of pre-order and other retailers are already selling these albums with a 10-13% discount. The price still can get lower, I think. Now do I take the 10-13% discount or do I order from Big Hit and get the special bonuses?

If I could say one thing about this: it's good in theory.

In theory, all ARMYs want to cherish good memories of Bangtan and their achievements over the years. It's not like we're not already doing that, there are accounts in different platforms making content lists, wikis, databases, and even websites. There are abundant sources of past events.

Now, Big Hit wants to make it a game? Officially? IDK what they're doing and then they announced this ARMYPEDIA thing out of nowhere. I was hyped at first, especially because of the giant QR codes billboard placed in 7 different cities all over the world. We're to work together to finish the puzzle! Fun! ... Until it's not.

They mentioned that this event will run for 4 weeks and there are 2080 pieces of puzzles to find. It means for 4 weeks we have to find, scan, answer question and make post for each QR code averaging in 70 codes a day. Who actually have time for that?!?!?

There's also an offline event for ARMYs, which... IDK maybe involves activities like finding the codes in the wilderness or something.

In practice, I was already overwhelmed since day 1. I don't know how many codes ARMYs found & shared in day 1 only, but it felt like hundreds of codes were just flying before my eyes. They're all over my twitter timeline, on instagram, on different websites, on YouTube, just ... everywhere. Day 1 people were still competitive and many actually did the task dilligently. But then, the site began to get cluttered with spam and low quality posts, people are complaining about the questions, and I think many just gave up (or never start like me!).

The next days were worse. They seem to realize that there aren't enough time to get ARMYs to solve this huge puzzle, so they began to give out a ton of codes in one post. It's crazy and very overwhelming. Also I'm just tired of seeing QR codes and I have short attention span. I'm so ready for this to be over already so we can move on to different things. Because like.... what do we get out of this? What reward is behind this or what the purpose of the program isn't exactly clear, so other than points and ranks among thousands of ARMYs out there who are playing the game... what do we get? I mean if it has something to do with the upcoming comeback, I might consider participating. Almost every recent post on ARMYPEDIA twitter has more negative responses than positive ones. Everyone basically just want it to stop by now.

Namjoon posting on twitter telling us to write about our days on ARMYPEDIA plus the upcoming ARMY Run event probably will boost participation a little, but I honestly don't see how everyone will stay on board with this game/whatever until the end. I personally will just sit this one out entirely. I'd rather dedicate my time and energy to see new episodes of BTS Run, see BTS doing new stuff, focus on comeback announcements, plan my trip for LY shows, etc. I already don't have enough time as it is.

Big Hit announced ARMYPEDIA which is ... an interactive BTS database edited by ARMY, sort of? Initially I thought this was BU related shit and I really couldn't care about an imaginary alternate universe because I just don't like fiction. But hey, turns out it's not! I'm an information junkie, I love research and databases so I'm intrigued by this one.

ARMYs has been tweeting what they found, some has pieces of puzzles with piece number on it, but the biggest ones are the huge teasers with each member's face on them, and so far we've only found 5! In their press release they mentioned 7 different cities around the world, so we know the ones we haven't found are located in London and LA. I hope ARMYs in those cities could find it and tweet us the pics. This is exciting and we really have to work together to find all the 2080 pieces.

Other than that, I don't know what to expect, am I to walk around to find clues? LOL. I'll probably just watch and observe from my PC monitor as usual.

I went to watch Love Yourself in Seoul yesterday. At a ScreenX theater, by myself. It was.... okay. Other than the person next to me being super loud and annoying, and I had bad stomach pain during the whole entire time, I actually quite enjoyed the viewing and even am considering to see it again.

I think this is a good addition to actually seeing them live because then, you could actually feel the atmosphere in the stadium, but now you can pay attention to so many details and get a much clearer view of the boys. Also unlike playing a DVD, this is on a gigantic, extended screen and is actually quite awesome. Their outfits are extra sparkly on screen.

One cute little scene towards the end was when Tae said 'Borahaeyo! Yey!'. And then he says it the second time 'Borahaeyo!' and then he looks at the screen and when he saw it was still showing him he continues with 'Yey!' which was both awkward and adorable at the same time.

So there isn't a lot going on in the fandom right now, BTS is probably spending time with their family like previously this time of the year. No comeback plans yet, Big Hit is spewing quite a lot of shit for the fandom to latch on in the meantime. They're releasing HYYH The Notes, HYYH WebToon, Run BTS Episodes, LY Tour Seoul Merch, opening more orders for ARMY Bombs, etc. So far I'm not falling for anything that requires money which is good. My wallet needs a break. I was just enjoying puppy photos the boys posted on Twitter.

Jungkook. This kid. He's... I don't know anymore. He's very particular about scents and he loves doing laundry. Anyone who follows them knows this basic fact because the kid has mentioned this more than once. He's always in charge of washing the group's laundry during trips like Bon Voyage, too. So I don't know what has gotten into him but he has made a commitment to greet us ARMYs in the fancafe chatroom every Friday. He has been doing this pretty consistently for a while now which I am amazed of. In the last chatroom, he was casually making conversation about laundry (I supposed because some ARMYs asked), and he mentioned that for fabric softener, he's using Downy's. The variant is Adorable something he said, he wasn't even sure. And then what happened after that? ARMYs rushed to get that freaking fabric softener and it leads to a shortage. Two month worth of stock sold out in a day, it was insane. IT MADE THE FUCKING NEWS. P&G stock went up in Korea. JK tweeted that he's running out of his softener but it's sold out now. I... in one hand am scared with the power this fandom has. On the other hand, I'm really amazed at JK because he's this super popular idol on top of the world, he has anything he could possibly want and there he was, chatting with a group of girls talking about his favorite fabric softener because he still does his own laundry sometimes. WHAT THE HELL. It's really hard for me to wrap my head around the whole situation it's just so absurd. And I'm sure JK didn't mean for any of this to happen, he was just casually talking to a group of 50 people in the fancafe. That's super limited access and he probably didn't think it'll lead to this big of a commotion. OVER A FUCKING SOFTENER. This group is .... IDK anymore.

My share house has a very poor internet connection so I chose to wait until I'm home to watch Run BTS. I wasn't really interested in the cooking episodes because cooking doesn't excite me. And I bet the boys would rather be eating than cooking, too. BUT THIS EPISODE 59 OH MY GOD. I was crying with laughter. What a good episode. Right from the get-go they couldn't agree on how to do muk jji bba and then decided to do it kawibawibo instead. Once the group is formed, Suga has this evil idea to name his group which doesn't have Jin in it, Kim Seokjin for the many times Jin pushes others to use it as their team name.

So there they are, Team Kim Seokjin, Team Jji, and Team Bba. Jin mistakenly says 'Jji!' and then 'Jin!' every time which leads to hilarity. With Kim Seokjin Team and Jin keeps yelling Jin, Team Jji was affected and says Jin at times, too. At one point everyone's just saying anything like 'me!' or their names OMG. Tae was super cute when he was practicing singing the translated words while having one hand in the air ready to attack. When he feels like he was ready he screamed 'me!' and everyone was just dying of cute. And another cute little one is, of course, the maknae. He was just smiling and laughing with his big yellow oversized shirt. We all adore him, even the film crew and the staff. Jimin was doing the least, lol. He keeps saying 'I'm hearing nothing, I don't know how you guys do it'. Anyway, that episode made me laugh, sweat, laugh until I cried, and reminded me why I love them and that this is a more than enough way to enjoy the fandom.

SUGA featured in Lee Sora's song, it's already breaking records left and right. It's a really nice song but really ballad is just not my cup of tea.

Taehyung is hinting on his own song as well and again, his songs are just not my cup of tea. I wasn't a fan of 4 O'clock, and I'm sure I wouldn't like whatever he's coming out with this time, either.

Overall these are nice, peaceful days I enjoy without any pressure. I would love to see them again sometime soon, but in the meantime, enjoy your time off boys, and I will enjoy mine.

As usual nearing a comeback feels are all over the place. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm impatient, I'm jumpy, I'm all the emotions at once!

In line with BigHit's usual scheduling near a comeback, they released the tracklist yesterday. There will be 7 new tracks, previously released songs in the LY series, and some remix version of them.

My guess;
- Either I'm Fine or IDOL will be the title track of this comeback, or we might get 2 MVs of both.
- Trivias will be solo songs of rap line - you know, for their solo stage at the concert.
- Outros has been sung by rap line unit so far, so probably Answer will be as well? Or because it is a closure to the whole series, it could also be sung by OT7, idk.

I DON'T WANT TO GUESS ANYMORE. GAAAH this drives me crazy.

I never realized that Serendipity was never released as a full song??? I checked the duration and the previous one was only 2 minutes and 19 seconds.

I'm glad that we're finally getting Euphoria and full version of Mic Drop Remix.

I wish they would've put Ddaeng instead of Fake Love Rocking Vibe version.

If it's true what people said about DNA remix is going to be the rocking vibe version they performed at one of the Gayos, I wouldn't be sure about that either.

Actually I'm a little worried about IDOL or I'm Fine just because the word/phrase doesn't sound promising for a title track. But what do I know, I wasn't sure when we get to know DNA would be title track either and the song has been a great hit. I liked the title Fake Love but I don't like how the word is sung in the song.

There's no way to know how I feel about the song/album until it's released and it feels so close yet so far away!

Well it actually started last week when they posted Epiphany but they finally posted teaser photos!!! This is the final installment for Love Yourself series!!!

I was thinking to go swimming this morning so I went to bed early yesterday just to miss the teasers, haha. So they posted the S & E version concept photos and I have to say ... I have mixed feelings about them.

One, I am (slightly?) happy to see that finally Big Hit explores a more avant garde concept and NOT JUST PHOTOS OF BOYS LYING AROUND AT HOME WHICH I HATE. I love the outfit, I love the styling, I love the color tones.

Two, the pictures as a whole though.... is kind of mediocre in terms of quality? Like an art student project level mediocre. A for effort. I mean if you want to go avant garde, go all the way, do it with known fashion photographer.

Some of the S version photos are creepy, but creepy is actually alright. Art which prompts reaction is good, and creepy is a reaction. But like, what is this angle? What is the purpose of this?

The E version is beautiful yes. The colors are soft, the concept is unique, the flowers and outfit are pretty. But the graphic work is - for the lack of a better term - mediocre. To execute highly artistic concept like this you must come up with a better work. This is like trying to come up with something but it doesn't look good enough so they blurred most of it out so people doesn't see the lack of finesse. Hell, kids on tumblr and deviantart can come up with something better than these if they're given the right materials.

Both has great concepts but lack of finesse, lack of intention. Good direction, though.

I appreciate the attempt and I'll take what I can anyway lol. I will held on to my dream of ever seeing Bangtan in a full-blown high fashion concept styled and photographed by world-class persons of the industry.

I seriously haven't seen shit this funny and warm in what feels like forever. Previous episodes were also funny and enjoyable, but the last one where Bangtan miserably fails every challenge given to them was a little frustrating...? I want them to have all the food! And firecrackers! Bangtan is so dumb they can't solve difficult puzzles, can't do sports, scared of rollercoaster rides and Taehyung doesn't even understand most rules of the games they ever played.

In this episode, they were playing board games intended for literal BABIES. Because it's so simple, it's so much easier to follow and they played well. Jungkook lost the monkey game so he had to cook for dinner. When they moved on to the next game and someone said he's out, he said 'Why? But I want to play!' like a baby. J-Hope lost the penguin game so he'll have to cook dinner as well.

The episode as a whole was just so domestic. The staff said 'enjoy your free time' and then diligent kids RM, V, Jin, and J-Hope started working on the poem they were instructed to write. While Suga went directly to bed and baby kids Jungkook and Jimin started playing around. RM and Jin also went to bed soon after they finished their poems.

The kids were still playing with J-Hope watching them. V was still writing his long ass poem.

It was supposed to be their free time but these kids... they suddenly had this idea to bet who could win a mini pool game by shooting the ball against the side of the table and see who's the farthest away from the other side. And then they thought up a punishment: the one with the furthest ball will change into their rash guard/shorts and get spanked (???).

J-Hope lost and he is about to be spanked by Jungkook when Jimin thought up of another punishment, nobody laugh or they as well, will get spanked. Ironically he laughed the hardest and at that time J-Hope dragged the kids and told them all to change into shorts. It was Jimin's turn to be spanked but Jungkook and V couldn't stop laughing before anything was even happening. As Jimin got spanked V burst out laughing so now he's on the line. He got spanked and no one was laughing but himself! It was so funny and even funnier when they realized that Jin has been watching them the whole time, laughing with no sound.

V stormed in dancing with kids song blasting on his phone as he was on a mission to wake Suga up. Suga being Suga, answered with an annoyed 'engh' and V was getting into the blanket saying 'excuse me? we need to cook dinner'. They did a blanket tug of war for a minute before V had enough so he just asks 'are you awake?'. Suga answered with a moan but it was satisfying enough for V so he went 'okay' and left the room.

By cooking time Taekook was super duper adorable. V came to stand beside Jungkook and stare at the stove. Jungkook stares at him asking 'why are you here, are you bored?' And V was like 'no, I'm not?' and then touched Jungkook's chin. 'Why are you here then' Jungkook then instructed him to help out Jin, which was a sweet scene. V came back in later prepared with an answer this time. 'I came here because you look lonely.' <<WTF THIS IS SUPER ADORABLE. He stuttered a little when saying that, too. 'But I'm not lonely'. V slaps his butt saying 'C'mon, I know you like company.' The caption says 'the awkward line between kind and annoying' which was SO FUNNY. And then they were just there cooking and playing with the camera, SO CUTE. Bangtan is so considerate, they were worried that the staff haven't eaten yet so they feed him while working. Tae being the kid that he is demanded reaction for every bite he gave and laughed when getting good reactions. I really enjoy watching Tae lately, which is a huge improvement from last year when I got stressed out and worried every time he looks kind of down (which was often) and I even thought of stop stanning him like I did when stanning Luhan stressed me out. Tae was so hyped about Ddaeng unit practice he basically just went full-on crazy. He seems to enjoy a lot of things, has been posting a lot and appears to be much happier in general. BTS members' love for each other is so strong, they're such a fun bunch to watch. The friendship is genuine. The chemistry is undeniable. Like, they're not even that interesting of a personality individually but when they are together everything is enjoyable, fun and FUNNY. One of the things I love is when we can hear the staff around them laughing and there are a lot of instances like this. I'm happy that people around them enjoy working with them. Overall their relationship is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Last night was the final night of 2018 Festa : BTS Prom Party! I watched the show through VLIVE+ and it was the happiest I've ever been in a while. I screamed, I yelled, I laughed so hard I forgot anything and anyone else exist. I don't know how BTS manage to top themselves with even better shows and contents for their fans, but they always do.

It was a weird night because initially I planned to go for a workout session with my trainer before the long holiday starts. And then my friend from college asked to meet up after, which I said yes to (idek why). I forgot that I've bought the VLIVE+ for the prom night and that it's that same night at 6PM my time. I thought to myself 'aww, well I can watch it on VOD later'. I always try to eat before a gym session and I didn't have food yesterday so I had to cook. Unfortunately my rice took a longer time to cook that I predicted and I was already late for the gym. I ate all of my food fast, drank milk + coffee and was getting ready to go. But I ate too fast and the coffee was definitely a bad decision. My stomach was acting up, I was nauseous and was almost vomiting. I decided to cancel the session, contacted my trainer, contacted my friends I was about to meet, and changed into a comfortable home clothes. So I was home at the time of Festa Party. Unintentionally.

The platform was having a technical issue so the live broadcast didn't start until past 10 minutes into the show, but still, it was GLORIOUS. It was their 5th year debut anniversary celebration!

Highlights :
Rapline's Ddaeng performance!!! I shrieked when they started playing the instrumental. Taehyung strolling and dancing past the the rapline accross the stage was the funniest/cutest thing ever. IT'S CRAZY!!! I can't get over this. I will never get over this.

Taejin OST Live stage - amazing.

Jikook Black and White performance - epic.

BT21 debut - BTS performing Anpanman in their BT21 constume (minus the heads). Super cute & fun.

Random dance time in which BTS doesn't remember their old choreography. Surprisingly the one who remembers most of everything is Taehyung. Jimin just ballet his way accross the stage he doesn't remember anything.

The skit in which they acted out a script in small groups, I don't know what they're talking about but obviously my favorite is the Taekook segment featuring fluffy Yeontan.

When they were deciding a penalty for Hoseok because he lost the game, so funny! I have to say, I'm proud of myself to have understood many parts of what they're talking about. So there's this what when where how why and with whom columns they had to fill, and Suga being the first one up filled in 'with whom' box with 'with RM' as he laughs maniacally because he thought he avoided being dragged into this mess. And then it's RM's turn. As a smart person, he decided to fill in 'what (to do)' before other people write ridiculous stuff he doesn't want to do. He wrote 'to drink a Korean alcoholic beverage (I can't remember what its called)'. And then it was Taehyung's turn. He was hesitating in front of the board but Kookie came up and whispered a brilliant idea in his ear. Taehyung was dying of laughter already because whatever Kookie said was so funny, and wrote his answer to 'where'. He wrote 'At Suga's house' - Suga doesn't have his own house so it means at his parents house back in the country. It also means Suga has to come too, defeating the purpose of him writing RM in the with whom column. Everyone laughed and Suga yelled in protest 'It's far!!! It's in Daegu!! You can't do this! What is this!'. And then came Jin, he filled in 'when' and asked the fans when should this punishment be conducted. Fans says 'tomorrow!!' but the scheduling is tight so Jin wrote 'in July'. Jimin filled in 'how' (I think?) as 'by having a friendly conversation with...'. He said 'who should I write here?' Everyone yelled in protest and he wrote 'Bangtan'!! Everyone has to go!!! He laughed and high-fived RM. Others were still protesting. And then it was Kookie's turn. Kookie filled in 'why' and his hyungs pressured him to write 'because we love each other' against his will LOL. Bangtan was still protesting (esp Suga - he doesn't want this lot at his parents' house lol) but RM wisely said that they can't run away from this because this is a promise they made in front of ARMYs. LOLOLOL I'm looking forward to this.

Jin and JK coming out with see through shirts and fans went crazy.

I watched Fake Love for so many times now both the MV and live performances, I thought I would be fed up of it but I found myself cheering for them to perform Fake Love the whole night last night.

I don't remember what else they did on stage, I have to watch it again and I haven't even finished watching the whole Bangtan Dinner and the Small Happiness videos, THERE ARE TOO MANY CONTENTS.

With BTS' soaring popularity there are so many articles written about the topic 'Why BTS?' both by Korean and International reporters alike. K-Pop is not a new thing, there are hundreds of other K-Pop groups debuted in the last decade, so why BTS? Everyone wants to know the secret of this massive achievements, every agency wants a success formula to replicate. At one point when I questioned it myself, I even wrote a blog post of what makes them so special in my eyes.

After reading different analysis, opinions, and debates on the topic, I really don't know what to say. Some ARMYs said, to understand why the reporters just need to ask an ARMY. Some other said, it's simply because they make good music and they're talented. Being an ARMY, and deciding to be a supportive fan of BTS is really a personal experience. I've wrote this before, but people get into a fandom through different means, for different causes. It could be as simple and shallow as 'because they're cute', or as profound and philosophical as 'because they sing about topics often avoided by the society like mental ilness'.

I have to admit, I'm not someone who dissect every lyrics of their every song. If you ask me why I became a hardcore fan of BTS, I probably can't tell you any specific reasons except for the simple fact that they make me happy. It's definitely not going to be because of their brilliant lyrics, deep topics like societal problems, or the theory-packed alternate universe they're presenting in their narrative. Watching their contents makes me happy. Listening to their music makes me happy. I feel connected to them the way I've never been to any other groups or singers. I can feel their authenticity, genuinity, passion, love. If you ask 'but why' further than that, it's just something I can't answer. Fandom experience is incredebly personal, serious, and precious to me. If people can't see it, I wouldn't force them to.

Yes, they make their own music, yes, social media contents help keeps them afloat, yes, they utilize online platforms more than they do traditional media like TV or radio, all of those analysis are right. However, does all that really matter? Every fan in any fandom has their own story and for why any particular fandom is dear to their heart is a personal matter. When I say they have likeable personality and that the team chemistry is strong, it's subjective. Any fan of any other group can say the same thing.

In my heart I truly believe that BTS & Big Hit consists of people with pure hearts, and the universe paves way for them to all kinds of good and greatness. They met the right person at the right time, everything happens at perfect timing, I've never seen anything going this well before. All of their hardships in the past are not for nothing.

UGGHHHHH TAEHYUNG LOOKS SO CUTE ON ELLEN. He's wearing a t-shirt and a pair of ripped jeans, which supposed to be a something normal for a young man to wear but because of his ugly ass super weird unique fashion sense we haven't seen him like this for a long time! The shirt is black with distressed combined image of Union Jack with Rolling Stones tongue and lip logo. On top of that he's wearing a camo jacket and A FREAKIN RED CONVERSE SHOES. Total boyriend look, young & fresh, super adorable, super cute. The face is also super cute, but that's a given.

I'm taking back everything bad I said about the hair, lol. Taehyung can rock any hair color, any styling. He's been looking sooo good this era despite the mullet and the black hair.

Also I haven't seen the whole comeback show yet but from the clips I've seen so far my favorite is obviously that Vmin moment where Jimin casually comes up to Taehyung who is laying down, puts his head on Tae's broad chest and cuddle!!!!!!! My. heart. can't. handle. this. Tae was practicing English and doesn't seem to be one bit bothered by Chimchim's head on his chest. Tae says 'Okay' when the English learning app says 'Let'sleep' and then proceeds to pretend sleeping. Super adorable.


My next favorite scene is JK struggling to decipher what Tae said on the video he is editing because RM was being extra loud in the background. It was funny because Tae said one syllable word 'ne' (yes) which seems like the simplest thing to hear but Kookie wants to know if it's a 'nep', 'nem', or 'yem'. Kookie is damn serious about it, he is the most precious bunny.


Oh back to Ellen show, Tae is super precious when he got scared. He was really shocked from the look on his face, he yelled (commented) something in Korean *idk what he says*, but soon after he was smiling again peeking the box and being his adorable bubbly little self.


Taetae has been feeling loved lately, he's been posting a lot of stuff for ARMY. Thank you, kid. I hope you are proud of your achievements, always happy and healthy. I hope you know how much happiness you bring for other people all around the world.

I finally moved my lazy ass and tried out the fancafe level up application. I had misunderstood, I thought by purchasing the fanclub membership I would automatically get access but NO. I had to be at least level 2 by the time they approved my paid membership. I am fucked. I paid a lot of money for that and I still won't get all the benefits unless I level up.

I begrudgingly admitted that I was just too lazy to go through the complicated process. So last weekend, I finally get to it. I sat in front of my computer, tutorial and fancafe opened, notebook, pen, and my electric dictionary ready. It is hell trying to decipher a language you're not familiar with when copy and paste is not allowed on the site. I know I can use app or something to get it translated by machine, but I want to understand the question correctly so I chose the traditional way of writing down and translating everything manually.

There were 6 instructions we need to follow and 5 sub-questions we need to answer. It took some time of course for a non-Korean speaker like me to finally understand the questions, but the questions themselves are pretty simple and easy. The first part is about their music, lyrics and album name, the second part is about online content with simple and very easy question like "name the member with pink shirt in this video".

Anyway, I regret not doing this sooner. Now my membership is about to be approved but I'm still stuck in level 1. My application will take a while to be selected by staff, I checked today and they're still looking at applications from 4 WEEKS AGO. Hmmh. Now all I can do is wait.

Oh and even when I'm approved it seems like I will still need to level up AGAIN later. So... I will. What is it that I won't do for BTS.

Kookie suddenly went live last night and it was the most calming, soothing thing ever. It has been a long time since he went live by himself so I couldn't be happier. I screamed "JK!" when I saw the notification on my phone and I scrambled to turn on the channel both on my PC and my phone.

He was super cute, with his big doe eyes, making little humming noises as he goes. He is the sweetest, most precious thing on earth.

He does whatever fans asked him to do, he gave heart, he answered questions, he told us stories, and he also sang a lot.

I was watching him closely on my chair, smiling, hugging my knees together, laughing along with him and nodding as I catch parts of what he's saying from the few words that I know. He is my dear baby.

He was so confused when the comments were frozen, stared into the camera in silent for a couple of minutes until he realized he shouldn't be wasting time like that, ran outside to ask for help. I think it was because the platform couldn't handle the influx of everything, at the peak he had 1,6 million viewers, over 5 million comments and more than 300 million hearts. I don't keep up with VLive records but with BTS being the number one channel on the platform, I believe this is the most concurrent views, comments, and hearts an individual has ever received during a live broadcast.

My favorite moments including:
- Kookie smiles and random Kookie noises
- Super confused Kookie
- Proud Kookie after singing Let Go
- Proud Kookie talking about Euphoria even though he thought he could've done a better job during the recording. His cute little complaint because people are editing the song out to put on YouTube even though it wasn't officially released yet. But then said he understands it was all because we love the song so much and we want to listen to it so badly. He thanked us for loving his song.
- Amused Kookie when he realized his hood makes it looks like he has long hair. He even flips it for us and thinks it's pretty.
- Guilty Kookie. He felt bad for everything including making us worry for showing him collapsing after stage performance in Chile. Honey, it's not even your fault what are you talking about. He also said that they (BTS) actually don't like to show the hardships to ARMY but he couldn't help it with when Red cameras were following them around. He apologized for rarely posting on twitter. He also apologized for making a viewer's dog bark lol.
- Mischievous Kookie when he was about to do the ASMR
- Secretive Kookie when he said he can't spoil anything about the comeback but said he did contribute to the album. He looks super proud so I'm very curious of what kind of work he did.
- How he said he felt bad that today is DVD recording day and his condition wasn't at its best. He felt bad that ARMY will pay for the DVD later. He mentioned that he went Live to avoid beating himself up over this before sleep.
- Suddenly realizing that he still has his contacts on and took it off there and then in the middle of dinner.
- 'I'm not a bunny' Kookie while being the bunniest he's ever been.
- Tilt head smile Kookie

This broadcast was so low quality and was done in a dark hotel room and I never thought it would make me this happy I could watch it forever.


And just one thing that bothers me : He has a habit of gargling his water in his mouth before swallowing it. WHY.

*deep breath*

Big Hit dropped a date yesterday! It's May 18!

Basically, everything is as predicted. Announcement is roughly a month before release, release date is before the BBMAs and the album title is LOVE YOURSELF 轉 'Tear' and if the next prediction is correct as well, the intro song would be titled 'Epiphany'.

So this album is going to be a full album with 15 songs - Euphoria would certainly be one of them. My next prediction is that they're going to release a repackaged album and announce the next world tour for the LY series. Last time with Wings, they announced The Wings Tour a month after album release, and they released a repackaged album (YNWA) 4 months after, right at the beginning of the tour. If the LY series is going to follow the same time frame, around 4 months from May 18 they'll kick-off the tour and release the repackage album. The repackage will complete the LY series and would be titled 'Answer' (with the intro song 'Singularity'? - though I imagine that word would be difficult to incorporate into a song). That would be... September.

There is already a fancafe update on the album details, Tear will come in 4 versions of Y,O,U,R (fans suspect the repackage will most likely also comes in a four versions of S,E,L,F, finishing the phrase 'Love Yourself'). I think they make the decision after giving out surveys last time about ARMY's spending habit when it comes to albums and official merchandises.

I'm... already worried about the design. I don't like the color and I suspect they will be using the same design/printing company as last time to keep it cohesive. And I hated Her's physicals.

Anyway, people says OF COURSE they're going to have the CB stage at BBMAs, what else can top their previous ones? And why would they do a Friday release otherwise? But so far, there is no official confirmation yet so we're going to wait and see. Speaking about Billboard, they are going to announce the nomination for this year's BBMAs later tonight at 9 PM. Oh how I dread voting season, but I will try to do my best.

Honestly now with so much more detailed information about the comeback, I still don't know how to feel. I mean, I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm ready, I'm not ready, I'm anxious, I'm all the feelings at once. I thought getting the news would calm me down of my stress and anxiety because I'm finally getting what I want, but it didn't. Also now I'm reminded again that this will come in a big wave that will be over in a blink of an eye. We're always excited for a CB but comeback season is intense, insane, hectic, especially with the scale that they are now. The boys are worked to the bone, the fans are having difficulties keeping up with everything that was happening at once. I wonder if I'll remember any of it and whether I enjoyed it at all. I wonder if this will be a good era for them or not. I just want them to do good and for all of us to be happy.


ETA : More predictions, all of these collaboration with Western artists talks are going to be remix versions of some of the songs on Tear, will be released in Answer.

I have made up my mind.

So about a month ago when they announced the first line-up for KCon Japan, I was intrigued. They have Stray Kids(!!), Seventeen, Monsta X, and SF9 which I LOVE. I was wondering 'what if..', but immediately discarded my thoughts as I reminded myself that I was saving to renovate my parents' house.

And then, they added Pentagon and WANNA ONE(This group is not going to exist next year!). I explored my options and again contemplated to actually go to Japan, but the one that pushed me over the fence was the fact that BTS scheduled a hi-touch event for Face Yourself album ON THE SAME DAY, AT THE SAME VENUE as KCon's last day. THERE IS A CHANCE THAT I CAN ATTEND BOTH??? And then I checked again, BTS Japan Fanmeeting event is only 3 days apart from the hi-touch event, and even if I can't get ticket to get in, I can go line-up for goods and get myself the almost unobtainable ARMY bomb! PLUS! They're opening a new Line Friends Store in Harajuku which carries BT21 items so I can also get them while I stay in Tokyo!!!!!! Ideas ran crazy in my mind. I've been in a bad state of anxiety and depression lately, so I was happy to find myself being so passionate about something. I no longer care about my savings, my sister has went to Korea two times in the past 6 months, why can't I enjoy life like her? Why am I so hard on myself? I thought to myself, just consider this as a healing trip!

I did everything I could to actually realize this dream trip;
- I calculated the expenses
- I went to Japan travel fair to survey plane ticket prices
- I emailed a travel agent to get actual prices
- I checked on how to get Japan visa (they've changed the system since the last time I applied)
- I registered at immigration office site to apply for a passport
- I contacted my friend who lives in Japan to ask for her help to get tickets
- I registered myself on ticket Pia, ticket board
- I researched about past handshake events and how to apply
- I registered and paid membership on BTS Japan Official Fanclub and I ACTUALLY GOT IN!!!

The fanclub part drove me crazy, because even though they finished the raffle for fanmeeting tickets and it's not for public sales, THEY OPEN A NEW LOTTERY ROUND FOR unfortunate seats (side view or possible obstructed view to the stage). At this point, I DON'T EVEN CARE. If I can get in, this would be my first ever BTS Live event and I'M WILLING TO DO ANYTHING FOR IT. I immediately put my name in for the lottery.

I really want to make this trip happen and get myself the plane ticket before the price goes up, however I have to make sure that I have a passport first.

Last Friday, I took a day off from work to get in line for Passport at West Jakarta Immigration Office. My family resides in East Jakarta and we have always been making our passports in East Jakarta, but I couldn't get the number because the quota was full. So on Friday I went to West Jakarta Immigration Office early even though my slot was from 11:00. I waited about 1.5hr, and then when it's finally my turn, I mentioned to the document checker person that there was a mistake in my old passport. The birth month was wrong, and I hope that this time it would be corrected. And then to my surprise, the person said I can only apply for data correction at the original place I made the passport at. It was past 11 and I immediately got on a taxi to get to East Jakarta.

I got at the East Jakarta immigration office at around 12:20 which is of course, lunch break time. At 1 PM when they re-opened I mentioned to the staff that I was lining up at West Jakarta, but they said I have to go here because I need to request data correction. After several rounds of going to different people, they told me that they'll need to review the mistake and why it happened, and they said I have to get back there after I obtain a number to queue.

They can not say how long the data correction, or the new passport application will take. I looked up online of people with the same experiences and they mentioned that they'll have to go to court to apply for the permit to change passport data. I'm not sure if I will have to do this, all the data I submitted to them was right, the staff at the immigration center was the one at fault here. I hope I don't have to go to court. If I do, it'll take much more time because I have to apply for an available court date and wait until the date.

Anyway, I will not be able to go to the Immigration Office again until two weeks from now. I already got myself a number to get in-line at East Jakarta Immigration Office, but who knows what will happen then. Even if I get my passport, it'll be too close to the trip. I don't want to go through all the hassle of booking everything if I have to cancel later. I read the conditions on BTS fan club site, and they said when someone is chosen for a ticket lottery but that person doesn't pay, it'll affect that person's chance to get chosen the next time. I decided that the risk is too big. I decided that I will take my time to process my passport and Japan Visa, and go to Japan next time when everything is ready. BTS will come to Japan often. I will have my chance.

I canceled my lottery entry 2 minutes before it was closed, and I told my friend that I'm not going.

I'm writing this entry to assure myself that this case is really closed this time. I tried my best. There is nothing else I could do. I learned from this experience and there's no regrets.

Another fun episode. I said this a thousand times but they are so cute.

Jungkook is good at sports activities, but he couldn't count the money right and forgot how much he'd counted in the middle, it was so cute.

I'm V biased but I still get surprised by him every time. He is very competitive when it comes to games, but in this episode he was so scared, he just couldn't do it right even when punishment is on the line. He is afraid of heights. I shouldn't be surprised by this since he grabbed Jimin so tight on the air balloon at The Wings Tour, but I'm still actually surprised to see him this scared. V is super cute because he wants to win in games so badly but most of the time he is bad at doing anything, lol. When game rules get complicated, he doesn't get it. When it involves heights, words, or numbers, he can't do it. Many other times luck is just not on his side. He's probably only good on computer games.

I love how the members constantly mock but also praise each other. V was so scared but the members were encouraging him saying that he was very fast. Jungkook told him to yell out about Tannie when he was about to jump, to calm his nerves. Jimin gave him a hug, pat him in the back while praising that he did a good job. Hobi was also, being a wimp that he is, super scared but Namjoon was giving him encouragements like 'you're doing great, just keep going!'.

Other highlights :
- Jin : Oh I got cold sweat
Jungkook : (sings) cold sweat and tears~
God I laughed so hard at that scene.
- Jungkook to Suga : Hyung, I'm going to sleep (because he was so slow)
- Jimin's cute little face when he hugged the sandbag while saying his ment.
- Surprise quiz in which Jin answers "Oh" to all of them, it was so cute
- Taetae giving advice to Suga "Just pretend that you're doing this for a music video", the way he was saying that while stuttering a little bit was so cute
- Members think V was adorable when he hesitated to jump for the sandbag, then proceed to pat him after he failed to do the challenge.
- Every Suga screen time
- Every time the shot shows V being amazed at how other members are doing
- How the members get down the rope while screaming

J-Hope got the lowest points and had to do the punishment, but he was so lucky none of the sticks was the one that pushes the button except for the last one. Even though he was technically safe, he didn't seem to mind when the members pulled all the sticks anyway. They are just an adorable group of kids.

Still no BTS comeback on the horizon and I'm bored as fuck. So many groups are announcing comebacks and I'm just here anxiously biting my fingers.

They've been very busy since last year, I know. As Yoongi said, although nothing is listed on the official schedule, it doesn't mean they're not doing anything. Even in off season like right now, we're still getting SO MUCH stuff. Occasional tweets here and there of course, late Bangtan Bombs, Billboard magazine + video contents, Hobi's mixtape & MV, collaboration with Kookmin Bank, them being promoted as Puma Global Ambassador + release of the latest collaboration shoes, Dispatch's D-icon series, Smart Uniform photos, Japanese TV interviews and shows, the upcoming Japanese magazine releases, and of course, the regular Run BTS! episodes and their extra contents. There are so. much. stuff.

Then why am I so bored? Is it because I know these stuff they're releasing aren't new and or real-time? Most of the stuff are from last year. And all these endorsement deals do almost nothing for international fans. Am I long for the adrenaline rush for the comeback excitement, to check on the numbers, to see what kind of records they break this time? Do I simply just need new music?

Next month they're going to be so busy in Japan, Japan album release, release events, fanmeetings, and most likely TV appearances and magazine interviews, too. But the Korean comeback will still have to wait. When is it going to be? May? June? July? It can't be later than that, their last comeback was last September, other groups already have multiple comebacks and releases since their last one.

This is what it feels like to be addicted to something. You find yourself needing fix, constantly in a restless and anxious state.