When I woke up this morning the news I saw repeating on my twitter timeline was that Big Hit is acquiring Source Music. My mind couldn't process this news after just waking up. What? Who? How? Why? It's too early for this. I didn't even know which artists are under Source Music and what kind of changes will this acquisition bring.

Later in the day, I continued reading about the news and just realized that Source Music is the home to GFRIEND, a fairly successful girl group from a small entertainment agency, just like BTS when they just started. People also said that Source Music CEO is a good person and has always been close to Bang Sihyuk. GFRIEND's reputation is also good. BTS and GFRIEND has worked together in the past for Smart uniform brand. Overall, positive reactions everywhere and probably nothing much will change except for GFRIEND's addition to weverse and weply platform.

I also have seen 3 trainees under Source Music on PDX101 and one of them was very enthusiastic about performing BTS' stage, Kim Hyunbin. He received positive reactions from the public albeit not making it into the top 20. Which is... good.

All in all, I was reading sources, news, finding out about Source Music to educate myself but I still couldn't tell how I feel about this acquisition. Am I happy? Do I like it? Does this look good to me? Do I want to support this? Do I care??? I don't know how to feel so maybe I'm just indifferent about the whole thing. Besides, nothing will change as each will maintain their own management.

Oh actually, one thing that bothers me more is the rumor about a third company. Big Hit is about to acquire another company which is said to being home to 'famous idol groups'. The acquisition is still in process but both sides are positive about it and this will be revealed by next year. I believe the words 'top boy group' and 'several groups' have been thrown around and this bothers me to no end. WHAT GROUP. WHO. WHICH AGENCY. Whyyy would you torture me like this. My mind went to current top boy group names, but I really couldn't tell. I personally don't think it would be any of the well-established, publicly listed agencies like SM, JYP, YG, Cube, FNC, Pledis or Starship, right? People are saying RBW because Bang Sihyuk has been close to its CEO. But that doesn't fit the top boy group theory. Yes Mamamoo is one of top tier groups and their releases always do well in the market but they're a girl group. And while RBW does have some boy groups OneUs, OneWe and Vromance, none of them could be called famous or top tier. Cre.Ker? I love The Boyz but they have a totally different concept and while they're on the rise, Cre.Ker doesn't have any other groups at the moment. WHO THEN. People are saying Pledis because of SEVENTEEN and NU'EST. Both are top groups. Both are boy groups. This fit the narration but they're public company. KQ? I feel like Ateez match the concept of Big Hit more, and some of the members are ex-Big Hit trainees so kinda make sense? But they also housed Block B after lawsuit against their original agency and Zico already left the group so ... IDK if Big Hit want this mess under their wing. Block B could be called top tier? And Ateez is rising FAST. Really, we'll never gonna know until they announce it and I'm wasting my time thinking about this.

So there were 2 great news from today/yesterday in the KPop world. One, ITZY got their first win, making them the fastest group to ever achieve this feat. Two, it is reported that TXT's debut album reached 100,000 pre-orders in just 3 days.

And yet people's reactions are quite negative for the seemingly happy news.

The argument is about the same, people don't think they deserve it.

With ITZY, a lot of people don't like the debut song and say that if it's any other group coming up with that song, it wouldn't even chart let alone win a music show. THEY'RE ONLY 2 DAYS OLD! IT'S BIG THREE PRIVILEGE! People are saying they can't appreciate the win because this group didn't even have to work hard to get it. They keep comparing with other groups that have been in the industry longer and are never warranted a music show win despite their consistently good releases.

Music show wins don't always correspond to your personal taste, I don't understand why people are complaning. EXO's first win was with Wolf. Nothing is worse than Wolf. Music show wins are based on numbers. ITZY pulled crazy numbers for a rookie group and Dalla Dalla is really high on the charts. We can't deny that they're gaining attention and that many people actually likes them.

With TXT, people say this is just a bunch of ARMY blind-stanning BTS' brother group. ARMYs are contradicting themselves because they keep talking shit about 'Big 3 privilege' and constantly hating on/not supporting of groups from the Big 3. I don't get it. So ... they're saying no-one should pre-order because we don't know anything about this group yet except for their faces? We haven't heard their voices yet, we don't know the kid's ability, skill or talent, and we don't know what their songs are going to sound like. We should stan talent, not pretty faces so if you're pre-ordering you're officially a Big Hit stan. What.

Pre-order is not a new concept, we all pre-order our fave/ult groups all the time without knowing or questioning how the songs in the new album will sound like. Including debut albums. People aren't buying albums for the music, who actually pop the CD in a CD player? Not me. It's a memorabilia.

I say this all the time, but fandom experience is different for each person. It's extremely personal to me. I am following TXT and keeping my eyes closely on them but I don't pre-order their CD, that is a personal decision I make for myself.

If other people decides to be a TXT stan just from the teasers Big Hit had released, it's their personal choice for themselves and I see no problem with it at all. People could be into a group because of their looks, because of their songs, because of their company, because they want to support their debut, because they're BTS' brother group, any and all reasons are valid and personal, really. No reason is too shallow or even wrong. Stanning is about emotional investment and you can not make sense of feelings.

In the end, KPop is an industry with making profit as their main goal. If their marketing strategy works in a way some people doesn't agree with, then they're still winning.

Why can't we just be genuinely happy for these kids?

Dalla Dalla - ITZY
My initial reaction to Dalla Dalla was a negative one, but it has changed now. The song is sure jumbled but turns out it is still fun. I guess my disatisfaction came from expecting the song to sound specifically like one thing. When it came out very different from that imaginary sound in my mind, I was disappointed. The day it was released, I tried listening to it the second and third time, and I still thought that this was just not it. However, on that very same night, I was going to sleep when the tune of the chorus kept playing my head! I didn't even remember where that tune comes from and I kept thinking 'what song does this come from??'. It really bothered me all night and I realized that I was probably subconsciously liking the song but I just didn't want to admit it. So yeah, off to my spotify playlist this song goes. The second song from their digital single, I don't really care about. Maybe I need to give it more listens.

Alligator - Monsta X
I have a difficult relationship with Monsta X's music. I thought I love them and they are one of my 'staple groups'. Their fandom is growing well and the quality of their production is top notch. I always make sure that I check out their every release, but lately it's getting harder and harder to find anything I like. From this album, the only one song I like is Rodeo *shrugs*. Alligator doesn't do anything to me. Jooheon & I.M's rap is great per-usual, but the song is... just okay. Nothing really stands out or exciting to me, even the Steve Aoki song.

Butterfly - LOONA
Hmm. There's really nothing for me to say about this group, I don't get the hype, I don't follow the fandom, and this song specifically - I don't like it, either. I love the girls, though.

TWIT - Hwa Sa
I think I like anything Mamamoo releases at this point, good discography! Twit is great and the music video is beautiful.

Gravity - TREI
A new group from Banana Culture that houses EXID. The song genre is not really my forte, but it is really good! The melody flows nicely and the vocal is just amazing. Pity I couldn't find them on Spotify They're on Spotify now.

Enough - SF9
I was expecting a lot from them but the title track is just boring. Visuals are great though! Taeyang's cheekbones could cut somebody. Other songs are okay, good. My favorite would be Play Hard and probably Heart Beat, but I will need to listen to them again.

God Girl - The Pink Lady
Now this was a pleasant surprise. I don't know who they are and was skeptical as I clicked on their music video. For a good couple of seconds I seriously thought they were a comedy group. It was surprisingly VERY GOOD. These girls are SINGERS. I need to listen to it more. The music video is quite different, too.

Allure - Hyomin
Mixed feelings. This has a lot of GOOD points of the song, I found myself loving the melodies, but some of the transitions just feels wrong. I want to like it but I'm still on the fence.

This morning when Big Hit tweeted information about TXT's debut, never have I clicked on a link faster than that one but the site went down immediately so I couldn't see what it says for a while. But we got a debut date!!!! March 4!!! They will debut March 4 on MNet with a show called '+omorrow x +ogether Debut Celebration Show' (yeah I still hate the styling of that name lol). And they'll have a debut showcase at Yes24 Live Hall. The album will be called 'The Dream Chapter: Star'. I can't wait to see these adorable kids!

I am also super excited about the girls of ITZY!! I've been loving their concept shown in the teasers, the girls are beautiful, and the song snippet sounds very promising! Monday can't come soon enough.

We're also getting Treasure 13 debut as I wrote in my previous entry.

TXT, ITZY, Treasure 13, all have T in their names, just like I do. This is so fun and exciting!

I also have been loving songs from rookie groups, ATEEZ is doing really well with 'Say My Name' and I LOVE ONEUS' debut song Valkyrie!

I saw a discussion on whether or not one follows a certain pattern in choosing biases and that got me thinking, do I? Is there a pattern?

My first ever K-Pop bias was Eunhyuk when I just got into Super Junior. He's ... unique? I think his dancing is very cool. His body movement is so beautiful to watch. My second line of biases in Super Junior was Ryeowook and Kyuhyun, I think? Because they're cute.

My bias in SHINee was Taemin because he's pretty. I liked him with the long hair Lucifer/Juliette era simply because pretty boys with long hair makes me weak. I don't even follow SVT or NU'EST that closely but Jeonghan and Ren were definitely on my radar for having had long hair in their past eras.

My bias in EXO was Luhan which I have to admit I like, solely, purely for his face. He's so pretty! His voice is nothing extraordinary. He is so shy and timid his personality is boring to watch, to be honest. Dancing skill wise, he's good but again, I was there for his face mostly. I was drawn to Chanyeol at first but then my bias switched to Luhan, and second bias was probably Sehun just for the sake of HunHan (they were super cute).

My bias in BTS is V and even though he is a pretty face, I fell in love with his wacky personality. I adore how carefree he is and I kinda wish I could be like that in life, not caring what other people think. I think this is probably why I'm not as invested in his face like I was when I stan Luhan. I enjoy Luhan's face, he looks good in photoshoots and I was inspired to create icons and edits of his photos. V, I really want to watch and see what he does rather than just looking at his face. But also with BTS I'm waaay more invested in every aspect of the group and all the members so this is just a different obsession, really. My second bias in BTS is Suga because I love how strong he looks when he spits his line, he believes in what he's saying and he doesn't care what other people think. I love his rapping so much, but of course I also love his attitude and his face.

My bias in Stray Kids is Felix because of his personality. When I was obsessed with Hellevator, I think Hyunjin and Jeongin were the prettiest in the MV but as I watched the TV show I was more drawn to Felix (I think he's the most popular among i-fans, and Hyunjin is the most popular among k-fans? - idk).

So... No, there is no pattern. Sometimes it's the face, next time it's the dancing but sometimes it's the personality.

There were 2 major releases and one debut scheduled yesterday so I was pretty hyped about them especially because one of those releases is my kids, Stray Kids!!! I admit I'm not as invested in them as I was at first or I thought I would be leading up to their debut, but I'm still excited to see their growth and I'm looking forward to new music from them.

So I went home and tried to listen to them but.... wow it was difficult.

Power-up - Red Velvet
RV is one of the biggest girl groups right now so I was excited about their summer release. Aand well it's cute. The hook is super catchy, the MV is colorful and cute, the choreo is fun, the girls are beautiful. I just don't like the song that much though, it's so noisy?

My Pace - Stray Kids
Now this is even more difficult because they're my babies. At least I thought they're my babies. I can't get into this song!! I was so puzzled listening to it, what the hell is going on??? It's so weird, the opening sounds like something from the 90's, the song is on the cheerful side and there's autotune?? This is not the Stray Kids I used to know. Maybe it's because I've distanced myself from them I didn't get to see the teasers and such, but I ... thought... they supposed to have a darker tone to them, that was their appeal in the first place. This was produced by JYP and it feels like it's produces by JYP. It feels very all over the place for me. I tried to give it a second, third, fourth listen and that still doesn't change my stance on the song. I tried listening to their other songs on the album as well and ... wow. Nothing really clicked for me except for Voices although that as well, feels like several different songs jumbled together. So... I purchased that one song. If this was any other group I probably will walk away without purchasing any songs from the album. I think this is a proof that I love them for their music and when the music is not something I expected, I am left with little to no attachment to them. They're cute though!

Palace - D-Crunch
This is a debut song. D-Crunch is another boy group trying their luck in the industry. During the noon I saw clips of their debut showcase in which one of the members says that BTS is their role model. I was pretty excited and curious about debuts in general so I clicked on their music video. And wow. This was the weirdest of all stuff I've seen all day. Low budget MV, I understand. I can handle it. The song though, what the fuck is this? It doesn't seem to have anything interesting about it, there's no drop, no nothing. The tone stays the same the whole song, it's so fucking boring it doesn't seem to end. I don't understand it.

I didn't expect to enjoy this so much????



Day6, I've heard their music, and seen its members here and there in various shows for a while. While I think they are very talented, their music is not really my style and other than Jae's personality, there is nothing that draws me into following this band.

N.Flying, I've only listened to their songs, I love the vibes and their songs are more fun & upbeat and definitely suit my taste better than Day6. Since they are a band I don't really want to treat them like idol groups and I didn't have any ounce of curiosity about who the members are and or what they are like. I even mentioned in my previous post that I have no intention to learn their names.

This episode of Weekly Idol changed my mind!!! This is such a fun episode. The difference of Day6' personality and style with N.Flying's is so stark. I didn't know N.Flying had such fun personalities?????? But again these are the people who gave fans potatoes on a stick to cheer on their stage for the song "Hot Potato", I don't know what I was expecting.

So N.Flying was a 4 men band but Hwe Sung is newly added in June last year after he finished competing on Produce 101. And OMG if you watch this episode you'll see how he is the perfect addition to the band! His voice is amazing, their chemistry is so good, they harmonize well and Hwe Sung's energy is undeniable even though he is the youngest of the group. Even his made up song is good!! (Random fact : His birthday was Feb 28, the same as my mom's!)

With groups I'm unfamiliar with I did not expect to enjoy this episode so much and I'm actually drawn to like Jaehyun who is super weird. I even looked them up and watched Jaehyun's video on VLive. He is a good entertainer!

NCT is really gearing up for this NCT2018 thing and I'm getting hyped. I still don't like their songs, yet I got pretty excited by the beautiful concepts teasers, persistent promos and the hypes. They got 500M hearts last night on their VLive show which is a fist time for any VLive videos/live shows.

( NCT is not successful? )

But this year, this year they're going BIG. They WILL be big. They are taking over the world. Look at this group, they have different nationalities, 9 Koreans, 5 Chinese, 2 Americans, 1 Thai & 1 Japanese. SM is again getting into that stage where they decide to put all the kids together (there is a power in number, they say). Clearly SM is investing a lot of money into this NCT2018 project. They will pull this as an 18 members group, which is a first in South Korea (I think 13 members is the top for now? Super Junior, Topp Dogg, Seventeen, WSJN - ETA: Whoops I forgot 14U with 14 members, they are active albeit the low popularity). If EXO can succeed snatching top group crown with the horrible song that is Wolf, then NCT may succeed with any songs with the same strategy at this point. The oldest in EXO will have to enlist in the military in the next year or two, SM needs to prep their next main money maker and I will be here for the party.

And then it dawned on me, 2018 is the final year of Wanna One. They will disband in December according to their contract. They've released teasers leading to their next comeback stating that this is going to be their golden age. I can see 3 or even more Wanna One comebacks within this year. They were born into the entertainment industry as a monster rookie and they are now still one of the groups with the biggest impact out there. The success they got is record breaking with the shortest amount of time from debut (also without power of the Big 3).

BTS is only starting their global dominance and EXO is still the reigning kings of K-Pop with no signs that they're going to slow down any time soon. SM is launching NCT2018 and other big three companies JYP and YG both are going to debut new groups.

2018 is going to be awesome for K-Pop, maybe crazier than last year. But probably also going to be a bloodbath for the fans.

Pentagon (Demo_02) - Runaway is not as smashing as I thought it would be. My expectations are always shattered by the time a song came out because I get too hyped by teasers. EVERYTHING looks/sounds/appears better in teasers. It's like every time a teaser came out my imagination built the most perfect song ever that fits my taste. Anyway, I still like it. Out of the demo, I purchased Runaway, Violet, and All Right. Pretty Boys is too annoying for me so I can't, lol. And the other one is a ballad so, bye.

Wanna One (Nothing without You) - Their title track is a ballad so it's a solid NO for me. I also tried to listen to other tracks in their album and nothing sticks so ... *shrugs*.

BTS (Mic Drop Remix) - Again, I got super hyped by the teaser and it turned out not living up to my expectation? I don't know what I was expecting, but something better than this for sure. As an entitled fan, I also kept hoping they were going to release something else, lol. The MV version was... alright, I guess. The beat ended up sounding a little too monotonous throughout the whole song. The version featuring Desiigner is much better. Still not sure about their English lyrics though. I don't think they should do it again. *pulls up a megaphone* Stay in your lane, kids, stay in your lane. Anyway, the MV is super cool and EVERYONE looks SO good this Mic Drop era. I love the outfits and the styling! Btw I'm eating my own words and pre-ordered the Japanese release of Mic Drop (CD + DVD A ver.). This is to somewhat justify my future actions if I ever encounter any of the songs or videos being uploaded to online platforms like YouTube and decide to watch it.

Oh also I wanted to read the interview so bad I bought Non-no (again).


Next release I'm excited about is BAP because from the concept photos it looked like it's going to be a banger 8D I hope it's good.

This is my first time observing awards season after my hiatus as a K-Pop fan and I don't remember it being this messy? Or did I just not pay enough attention before?

ARMYs (or any other fandoms in this context) take everything too seriously. Just sit back, relax, enjoy the fucking fandom, man. Mnet is a television network, they will award who they want to award. And to that, I say: whatever! There are a lot of interests, profits, pride, politics behind all this that we know nothing about. We don't even know who these 'industry professionals' on their panel are. They are promoting the ones who benefit them the most. Is Mnet using fans for clicks and hype? Of course. They're not dumb, and clearly, we are.

It's not that serious of an award show, I'd say just enjoy it. If your bias group gets anything out of it, great! If not, then at least we saw great performances by top-tier artists.

Online voting means NOTHING and no-one should ever get too invested in it. I honestly think voting should be removed starting from next year and Mnet can freely decide everything by themselves - no muss, no fuss. Less involvement of fandom = less mess. Fandoms will always think their faves are; the best, the most talented, worked the hardest, therefore they DESERVE it.

I think it is rude and very ungrateful of us fans to protest to Mnet, demand explanation every single time they make a decision that does not align with our agenda. They owe us NOTHING. The world doesn't revolve around BTS. Mnet as a platform has provided us with so many good contents, especially this comeback season. Do you really want them to turn their back on your faves, too?

I don't follow Twice and I looked up Signal for the first time only after song of the year announcement last night. The song is not my personal preference, but congrats. In all honesty, I don't think DNA "deserves it", either. ARMYs can sing their praises for DNA overlooking the fact that it didn't do that well domestically. It didn't reach all-kill status across platforms (if it did, it must be for a very short period of time - sorry I didn't do my research to be able to confirm with certainty). With the many other high profile releases during that period, it didn't even stay that long in the top 10 charts, and digital download number is obviously lower than Signal (or many other superior songs released in 2017). YouTube views, Billboard chart, and the fact that the song was performed in the US don't have anything to do with this award. The panel of judges for Mama can consist of people from the South Korean music industry, i.e. representing music platforms in which BTS didn't chart in.

One more thing, MAMA has a reputation as an attendance award show, do you really think they will give out awards to artists who weren't even there? No. So sit down! I'm hopeful that BTS will get something tomorrow at the very least for attendance (lol), and it will be awesome if they could get another daesang. Good? Good. They're in 4 categories.

Personally, I'm very proud and happy with SEVENTEEN winning male group dance performance award, I wanted them to win despite the votes, I've mentioned this several times. And if they win the best MV, I wouldn't mind either. I'm also happy for Monsta X for getting an award, even though it's not a major one. I'm wishing for everyone's success.

Oh, and you know what? There is even a possibility of Wanna One winning daesang(s). I know they just debuted in August, but they were born from a successful show broadcasted by Mnet which is a huge plus point, and nobody can deny the fact that they are taking the country by storm. They had their debut con at Gocheok Sky Dome! They became a million seller in only 4 months after debut. No other rookie can ever live up to their success. Explosive popularity, everyone in Korea knows who they are. Massive brand deals and their currently airing exclusive variety show is always in the Top 10 of Content Power Index. If this is not their year, then probably next year is. They also work round the clock. If they win, I wouldn't be mad.

I was excited about recent comebacks especially Super Junior, SEVENTEEN and Monsta X, however... after the title tracks came out turns out... I don't really like them.

Super Junior's Black Suit was... okay? The video is fun and the choreography is great. But I don't love the song. I'm only giving my real money to groups other than my bias groups by buying their song on iTunes IF I like the song on first couple of listens. I tried listening to samples of other songs in their album, and none of the songs make me want to buy any of them. Looking at them performing and listening to the new songs made me realized how important Kyuhyun and Ryeowook's role in SJ's songs. I miss them :( I also want Sungmin to have activities with SJ again.

SEVENTEEN's Clap was... hmm. I really liked Don't Wanna Cry (I still think this song deserves to win best choreography and best music video, it's just so beautiful and pleasant to watch), but... that's about it. I tried listening to their other songs and I don't like them. The same with Clap, the choreography is awesome as always with SVT, but the song is just not my cup of tea. I tried listening to their other songs in the album and again, none strikes me as a must have song. I realized that SVT's style in general doesn't match my personal preference.

Monsta X's Dramarama was... hmm. I really don't like the DRAMAMARAMAMARAMAMA part, it's so annoying! Also the bridge(?), Hyungwon's part, is... really weird and doesn't seem like it belong to the song, tbh. Musically though Monsta X is very consistent and I LOVE their style so much. I know whatever album they release I will find something I like in it. So I went to listen to their album and purchased 'From Zero' and 'Now or Never', very beautiful songs.

Actually, to my surprise the title song I like from recent releases is Victon's 'Remember Me'. I remember I wasn't really impressed with their previous songs that I don't own any of them on my iTunes.

For the remaining of November, I will be looking out for Wanna One and Pentagon's comeback.

While I was fangirling Bangtan, I found myself keeping up with K-Pop fandom in general/as a whole, something I hadn't done before with my previous bias groups. I used to focus on stanning one group only, while keeping an eye on several groups from the same company (SM) because it's easier to do. All updates are in one place. I was SM biased since I attended SMTOWN Live that one time, starting from fangirling Super Junior, to SHINee, to EXO.

BigHit currently only has BTS, so I was looking at many other groups to distract myself from constantly seeking for BTS news. I realized having only one group to stan is an unhealthy obsession which reflects badly to my mood and emotional being. When I introduced some groups to my non-K-Pop friend, I said "I used to like this group" and then she asked "not anymore? why?". At that moment I got silent, but the truth is, I don't think I have enough emotional capacity to stan multiple groups at a time. But then I asked myself, is it really? Liking a lot of things is great, you're not heavily dependent on just one group or one bias, you get a lot more comebacks, a lot more chances to celebrate and be happy!

Here are boy groups other than Bangtan that caught my attention so far.

SEVENTEEN : (2015 debut) I started liking them from Don't Wanna Cry stage days, because I kept seeing the hashtag on worldwide trending topics for each win (they won 6 times which is impressive!). I was curious about the song, and it is GOOD! The wins are well-deserved. I love this song so much. The song is great and the choreography is beautiful. I started researching more about them. I was watching Nu'est's Face MV when I blurted out 'Seungcheol??' and then immediately after I thought 'Wait. Since when did I remember his name? (real name, even!)'. I'm excited about their next comeback. The performance unit video is SO BEAUTIFUL UGH.
Names memorized : Sadly only 10 out of 13
Members I like : Pretty boy Jeonghan, Joshua, Vernon
Fav. Song : Don't Wanna Cry

Monsta X : (2015 debut) I kept seeing their names being recommended every time someone ask for other K-Pop recs, so I searched them up. I really love their songs! I'm not a fan of ballads but even their ballads are nicely produced. I ended up buying my favorite songs from each of their albums. I tried to watch some of their VLives and this is probably because I don't know them enough, but I'm not sure about the likability of their personalities. STILL, I'm super excited about their November comeback!!!!
Names memorized : 7 out of 7 ☆ 7 is a good number of members
Members I like : Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Kihyun
Fav. Song : Hero, Tresspass, Stuck (most of their up beat songs, tbh - I'm still baffled at the fact that Hero wasn't a title track)

( many more groups under the cut )

I purchased Bon Voyage Season 2! Gosh I love the boys so much each episode makes me laugh, smile, and love them even more. Being a new fan, I wasn't familiar with VLive at all, but I really love the concept. It's brilliant. Also BTS is the number one channel on the platform so I couldn't not love it. VLive mentions that (a portion of) our purchases will go towards the artists to create even better content for us, and that makes sense. I personally have never pay for any personality-related content but I certainly would for BTS. And... turns out it's quite expensive hahaha.

A one year subscription for the CH+ channel costs us 1200 coins (which is like $25?). Bon Voyage Season 2 Package costs 800 coins, and BTS 3rd anniversary package costs 500 coins. If I were to purchase them all, it's like $60 (around IDR 700K?). It's too expensive! With the boys on down low for an off time before comeback, there's not much going on on the main/+ channel anyway, so I decided to get Bon Voyage 2.

It's really nice! I'm happy to see how the boys enjoyed their holiday visiting beautiful places and doing fun activities. Yes it's for a show and they're constantly being recorded but being used to it, many of their reactions are still so genuine it hurts (I cried watching the last episode). I can feel how the company is babying them and rewarding them with nice vacation.

The problem I have with this paid contents is how VLive restricts VODs from being played on PC, and how Live versions do not have the best translation for international fan to enjoy. I paid for the content, and I can't choose when and where I want to watch it? I just want to watch the content on a bigger screen. I still love watching the boys though, so I plan to also purchase Season 1 when I'm finished with this one.

Yesterday someone posted a picture with major K-Pop acts album release dates and though unconfirmed, my gut says it is very likely to be true (looks like an insider info for records company / music industry related work in China). Dates listed for some acts are true and they all are the ones rumored/confirmed to have a comeback in the near future. BTS is listed as; no title yet, but the date is August 17. It's a month from now. I'm anxious.

Anxious because well, first of all waiting for a comeback is always nerve-racking for fans, so many questions. When is it? Would it be good? How's the styling going to be? But the biggest reason of my anxiousness is, that this will be my first time experiencing BTS comeback as a fan. I'm with them entering a new era. It has been a journey for them to get here, they won record of the year with Wings at MMA and Seouls Music Awards, AND ARTIST OF THE YEAR AT MAMA which is HUGE for them. They got major global exposure through Billboard Music Awards and their popularity surged like crazy. Gaon recorded them as the most selling artist in first half of 2017 by far.

I've been watching various pre-recorded contents of theirs, and while I laugh and smile and cry watching them, I pray for them to always be happy and healthy. And even though I know idol life has a very tight schedule where all possible activities are crammed into a very short amount of time, deep inside my heart I still wish that the company would give them proper off time. This is their time, this is their moment, everything has building up for this. I really want them to be able to create bigger and better music. For them to be able to give the best that they can now that all eyes are on them. The stakes are high, the world (it can't be just me, right?) is waiting with baited breath. I kept wondering, would they really be ready on August 17? Is there enough time? Have they been working on some music while on tour? What kind of record would they make this time? Would their new single be as phenomenal as the previous ones? Would they have enough time to practice? Can we beat all records and climb to the top of all awards and charts? This is their time.

I'm anxious.

Okay in literal sense, I am back in Jakarta. I'm... okay? I felt a surge of excitement and happiness when I just arrived, it felt so good to be home. Rather than the city/country, I guess I just miss being myself. It took me no time to get used to living here again. One year is a short time, it's just like I never left.

However, the thing I want to talk about here is BTS' cover of Seo Taiji's Come Back Home. I know, it's been a while since it was released, but I'm still obsessed. I'm one of those people who doesn't know who Seo Taiji is or have ever heard of Come Back Home before, I'm not a K-Pop person so sue me. IT'S SO GOOD?????? BTS has been doing good job in covers, I know but this one is... SO GOOD????

When they posted the teaser on twitter, and even when they posted the first link to their twitter I wasn't excited about it. I felt like there are just so much content BTS is releasing at all times. I haven't even finished catching up with all Festa content and or all the released Bon Voyage episodes. Constantly getting new contents is great but as a new fan, it could be overwhelming and I never know which one to prioritize. When I gave this song a try, I was blown away. The style was perfect for the boys to cover as a group, this song (or at least this version of it) highlights each member's strength and the song as a whole has a very strong BTS flavor to it, IT'S JUST SO GOOD!

I was looking for the original and read that Seo Taiji (and Boys) is one of the artists whose contribution shaped K-Pop industry to what is is today. The original Come Back Home song was released in 1995, BTS MAKNAE LINE KIDS WEREN'T EVEN BORN YET. Listening to it, I get it. It's like I'm listening to Iwa K's song, and he was big back then in Indonesia. The beat, the style, I get it.

Back to BTS version, I honestly think it's perfect. I want to list things that I love of it but I like EVERYTHING. Rap Line did a great job with the rap, and Vocal Line managed to make the bridge and refrain sound so beautiful. I love everyone's voice in this. However, my favorite part is still : every time Suga shouts HAH! after his verse. It's just SO GOOD. I can't describe in words how much I love this song and how good this is.

Today I read about an interview of Seo Taiji that talks about why he chose the kids to do the cover (I think this is for his 25th anniversary of his career?). Everything makes sense, as artists they respect each other, style-wise they are similar, and the song is about problems faced by young people which is often a theme talked by BTS in their songs. Anyway, let me get back to listening to this song on loop.

P.S. So I just found out that one of the boys in Seo Taiji and Boys is the founder/owner of YG Entertainment. Mind. Blown. (I am still not a K-Pop person)

All these times I thought talking is just something that comes naturally, and anyone would be able to do it easily. Especially idols because they're constantly performing and guest starring in various tv shows which requires them to talk. So when one is being told to be a radio DJ or an MC, it would not be a challenge to them, right? I was wrong. Some people just do not have enough wit and the right instinct to be one. That is why many of these idol interviews are hard to watch, they can't talk!

Among BTS members, RapMon and Suga is mainly the ones who are responsible of talking or MC-ing and they are REALLY GOOD. They are super articulate and they have the knowledge and instinct of how to lead a conversation. J-Hope is good at talking, too, albeit easily distracted and too high tension at times. From short clips I've seen, I think Jin is alright, being the oldest in the group. I haven't seen the others (maknae line) being burdened by the responsibily of MCing, until yesterday when I finally found the clip of Music Bank Stardust interview from BST comeback last year.

Turns out it's a tradition for this show to have one of the members to MC instead of coming in with an outsider to interview them. I really love this concept, the members are far more comfortable to being themselves this way compared to when they're being faced with questions from someone they don't know. We get more inside jokes, their personality shines bright and we can see strong bond between the members.

Anyway, in this episode, Tae lost the mini game so he had to MC. We could see it on his face a hint of panic when it was decided. He was nervous and not confident at all about this gig. It was his first time MCing and it's the cutest thing ever. Tae was really, really clueless. He's an interesting personality to watch in general because he is super weird, but he does not have the most organized way of thinking and he's certainly not the easiest to understand. He could barely put his thoughts into understandable sentences and words, so being an MC is really a challenge for him. Now I kinda get why he made a big fuss about learning to act when he was casted for Hwarang.

Tae was so bad at this the members were laughing their ass off the whole time.
TH : "Here's a quest for you"
JK : (excitedly) "Ooh is it a game??"
TH : (to staff) "Wait, it's question? (not quest)"
RM : "OMG how did you not know that Qs in interviews stand for questions??"

TH : "You know the reason why BTS popularity is rising?" *builds up* "I know the reason."
JM & JK : ??? LMAO
RM : (confused on how to react to this) "oh, really?"
SJ : "Is that a question or a statement??"

Suga was super cute, he was teasing him "are you reading a book?" but also giving direction on how to MC "you should look at the camera" and "you don't have to follow the script, you know". We all could see that Suga is really smart. Tae was like "seriously??", but was too scared of going off script (or more accurately clueless on how one does that) so he sticked to it stiffly til the end. RapMon was trying to stop everyone from mocking Tae and said in the beginning "Let's just let him do this, let's not say anything about how he does today" but then later he was like "maybe we shouldn't have let him do this" lol. Kind hearted Jimin was very encouraging with "I like this, I like his MCing". And Jungkook was just laughing and his laugh is pure heaven.

Tae himself was very much amused by everything too. He was busy laughing and forgot his about MC job many of the times. It was adorable.

I was crying this morning from the stress of moving, and now it's midnight and I'm crying again. But this time it's happy tears, I'm just really, really happy for the boys. I've been a fan for only a couple of months now, and I didn't even help with the voting except for once but I feel like a proud mom. They seemed so happy and excited and genuinely grateful for the fans. They greeted us before, during and after the show, repeatedly thanking all the fans. Personally out of all their tweets, V's was my favorite. It just shows how excited and grateful he is, and how words couldn't describe what he was feeling. It also shows how messy it is inside his head lol. I also love the last VLive clip so so much. That kind of video made us feel like they really connect to us. It was at that very moment instead of idk - partying, having fun, living the dream life - they decided to get online to talk to us, excitedly telling us how they're feeling and how this is all possible because of the fans' effort. Again, I'm a new fan but seeing from videos and accounts how they had almost nothing when they debuted, I feel very very proud of how far this group has came. I can't stop my tears from falling still. I think I cried more today than when I saw the video of them winning artist of the year at MAMA, probably because this time, I'm here with them.

I don't know why this keeps happening to me, but eventually everyone is touring everywhere so it make sense for our existence to be in the same city at some point. I just got into this fandom a couple of months ago, right. And then I found out that they're coming for The Wings Tour Japan Edition starting at the end of May. They will perform 22 times in Japan alone and there are 3 dates for Tokyo greater area (Saitama). Now what do I do? I'm really conflicted and it's not about the money. I think as long as it's under $300 it's something I can afford, but do I really want to go? Will this worth it?

Pros :
- I will get to experience a K-Pop concert in Japan for the first time
- I will get to experience a stadium concert and know what it's like
- I will get to see them live

Cons :
- I will be there alone in the sea of East Asian teenagers
- That will trigger my anxiety for sure
- Undetermined seating and the uncertainty of whether we'll be able to see them or not
- THE HORROR : They will sing Japanese versions instead of original Korean ones
- Lost of money
- I will be traumatized of something
- I will lose passion in the fandom after this milestone

Okay, even worse, I just found out that they're doing a fan event at Roppongi Hills this afternoon. It's within walking distance from my office. But it's limited event just for the people who purchased the CDs, get lottery numbers and won the lottery. I've never been in a fanmeeting before and I'm not sure if I want to be there? What do people do there? Handshake? High five? Ask them to sign our copy? Tell them cheesy lines like 'you make me happy'?? I meant, I don't even know what language to use if I were there, I can't speak Korean. The Korean meetings always seem to be fun judging from fan accounts and fan taken photos/videos. But Japanese ones will be much more strict. No photos, no videos, everything is restricted.

Hmmm my boss just called me for the first time this month and he was asking about details of my return to Indonesia. I've been mentally preparing for going back, but with this talk everything is now official. I feel like all of a sudden it just dawned on me that I have less than two months left here. I don't care about anything else, I need to prepare!

I didn't get enough sleep and was late to the office again today (my boss noticed, too). I haven't taken care of myself well the last several days. I didn't eat properly, my house is a total mess with a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, pile of clothes on the floor, and many other trash scattered across the room. I used to have time in the morning to prepare for coffee and my lunch box to bring to the office, but I haven't been doing that for more than a week. I tried to do something to fix my life last night and I remember I put 3 pairs of shoes that had been on my doorway for a while, into the cupboard finally. It felt really hard to do. I remember I did eat dinner unlike the other days where I only feed myself with a bag of chips, some chocolates and youtube videos. I remember I slept at 2 AM, which is ... better than 4 AM.

I am distraught. I knew I would end up feeling like shit at work whenever I'm obsessed with something or found a new fandom to dig in. I tried to put my fandom dosage intake on a halt last weekend (... or two weekends before this? Memories are starting to blur together), but it felt really, really empty and sad. it felt like there was a hole in my heart. I felt like I was living a fake life creating a distance with something that I'm in love so much with and makes me happy. I didn't watch one video, I didn't even listen to their songs even if they're playing in the back of my mind and I kept humming the tunes. While I could function, it pains me to do that. I felt empty. I don't know what this is, it's an addiction I keep on feeding even though I know it's ruining my life. It's a distraction. I'm constantly thinking and worrying about life, so when these little kids, this fandom could make me laugh and forget about my problems, I could at least enjoy that feeling even for a short time. It is however, never 'a short time'. What was a 2 minutes video lead to hours of time on a night's end. That couple of minutes, or seconds, even, amuse me so much I keep on replaying it, again, again and again. There are so many things to learn! So many things to watch! So many things I need to know about these people!

Until a while ago I had dreams of traveling more, exploring parks and gardens, taking pictures of beautiful flowers, go to hobby show and hunt for local post office postcards. I had a goal to rank higher on postcrossing by the time I come back home. Now, that passion is almost completely gone. I couldn't care less about any and everything, I just want to be home watching my babies. I will be content as long as I have electricity, my computer, and a working internet connection. This is... exactly the same as my condition years ago when I was trapped in fascination of my first ever fandom. It was too exciting, too thrilling, I wouldn't want to miss a single second of it. I didn't eat, I didn't go out, I didn't do chores, it was ... not really living and yet it was one of the most exciting times in my fandom life.

( thoughts about past fandom )

Being a new fan 4 years after a band's debut means I have massive amount of materials to catch up with the whole fandom. The downside is, it could be a little overwhelming. The good thing is, I kept finding gold and gems while digging. While they're old, the entertainment value doesn't drop and each gem just makes me fall in love with the boys over and over again.