I just blew up and cursed out loud at the office. In front of everyone. That's something I've never done before and I myself was shocked with what happened. I'm taking the whole next week off, I really, really don't want to be bothered work related thoughts during my time off. I've finished EVERYTHING, even next week's portion to make sure I don't leave anything unfinished behind. I'm a responsible person! I'm a good employee! But just before I go home today, I got an email from head office about an application I've submitted since last week. I dislike the way they blamed me for the incomplete application when no one ever explained anything to me. Ever. I dislike Japanese work ethic that requires you to apologize and hang your head low when anyone points out your mistakes even though the whole system is at fault. I'm furious that this simple code application spiralled into something I never expected it to be, and I couldn't get my job done because of it. I was so angry!

I guess I have to be grateful that I was given the chance to feel what I felt. To learn and grow more. I'm still immature and emotional sometimes, and it seems like I was refusing to acknowledge my weakness the whole time. I tend to run away from things I don't understand because I don't want to look stupid and incapable. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe it was my pms.

I want to be a better person.