Never Better

Sads :(

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 09:30:07 GMT

I saw Woojin trending high worldwide on twitter today and I had a gut feeling that this is something bad. If it's a celebration of something like a birthday, 1) it would trend at midnight in Korea, 2) It would be a birthday hashtag not just a name. If it's teasers or releases, it would trend at 6PM or midnight. If it's a viral fancam or whatever, it would happen in the afternoon or the evening. Nothing is announced in the morning unless it's bad news. Woojin withdraws from Stray Kids. My heart dropped.

( why )

Speaking of, last week we also heard the same news about Min withdrawing from We In The Zone. In the middle of a comeback preparation. Not to mention it's going to be their FIRST comeback, ever.

I've experienced witnessing group disbandment and member departures, but it never gets easier.

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Verdict on Recent K-Pop Releases

Thu, 21 Feb 2019 03:53:46 GMT

Dalla Dalla - ITZY
My initial reaction to Dalla Dalla was a negative one, but it has changed now. The song is sure jumbled but turns out it is still fun. I guess my disatisfaction came from expecting the song to sound specifically like one thing. When it came out very different from that imaginary sound in my mind, I was disappointed. The day it was released, I tried listening to it the second and third time, and I still thought that this was just not it. However, on that very same night, I was going to sleep when the tune of the chorus kept playing my head! I didn't even remember where that tune comes from and I kept thinking 'what song does this come from??'. It really bothered me all night and I realized that I was probably subconsciously liking the song but I just didn't want to admit it. So yeah, off to my spotify playlist this song goes. The second song from their digital single, I don't really care about. Maybe I need to give it more listens.

Alligator - Monsta X
I have a difficult relationship with Monsta X's music. I thought I love them and they are one of my 'staple groups'. Their fandom is growing well and the quality of their production is top notch. I always make sure that I check out their every release, but lately it's getting harder and harder to find anything I like. From this album, the only one song I like is Rodeo *shrugs*. Alligator doesn't do anything to me. Jooheon & I.M's rap is great per-usual, but the song is... just okay. Nothing really stands out or exciting to me, even the Steve Aoki song.

Butterfly - LOONA
Hmm. There's really nothing for me to say about this group, I don't get the hype, I don't follow the fandom, and this song specifically - I don't like it, either. I love the girls, though.

TWIT - Hwa Sa
I think I like anything Mamamoo releases at this point, good discography! Twit is great and the music video is beautiful.

Gravity - TREI
A new group from Banana Culture that houses EXID. The song genre is not really my forte, but it is really good! The melody flows nicely and the vocal is just amazing. ~~Pity I couldn't find them on Spotify~~ They're on Spotify now.

Enough - SF9
I was expecting a lot from them but the title track is just boring. Visuals are great though! Taeyang's cheekbones could cut somebody. Other songs are okay, good. My favorite would be Play Hard and probably Heart Beat, but I will need to listen to them again.

God Girl - The Pink Lady
Now this was a pleasant surprise. I don't know who they are and was skeptical as I clicked on their music video. For a good couple of seconds I seriously thought they were a comedy group. It was surprisingly VERY GOOD. These girls are SINGERS. I need to listen to it more. The music video is quite different, too.

Allure - Hyomin
Mixed feelings. This has a lot of GOOD points of the song, I found myself loving the melodies, but some of the transitions just feels wrong. I want to like it but I'm still on the fence.

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THIS SONG!

Fri, 26 Jan 2018 11:20:34 GMT

Honestly I didn't even know the exact title or the singer of that Mimimi song until this plagiarism controversy showed up but I have so much irrational hate towards that song.

There's this one period when I got back from Japan and I had to live with my brother. He had this annoying song as his wake-up alarm on his phone and HE NEVER WAKES UP. He had it on EVERY DAY at ongodly hour and he never.wakes.up. It's so annoying!! It was the worst when I thought I could catch up on sleep during weekends, and I got woken up by his alarm. I had to get off my bed to kick him awake so that he turns off his goddamn alarm. I hated his alarm so much lol.

On an unrelated note, Momoland's Bboom bboom is so catchy I can't get it out of my head.

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More K-Pop for Everybody!

Tue, 10 Oct 2017 15:13:39 GMT

While I was fangirling Bangtan, I found myself keeping up with K-Pop fandom in general/as a whole, something I hadn't done before with my previous bias groups. I used to focus on stanning one group only, while keeping an eye on several groups from the same company (SM) because it's easier to do. All updates are in one place. I was SM biased since I attended SMTOWN Live that one time, starting from fangirling Super Junior, to SHINee, to EXO.

BigHit currently only has BTS, so I was looking at many other groups to distract myself from constantly seeking for BTS news. I realized having only one group to stan is an unhealthy obsession which reflects badly to my mood and emotional being. When I introduced some groups to my non-K-Pop friend, I said "I used to like this group" and then she asked "not anymore? why?". At that moment I got silent, but the truth is, I don't think I have enough emotional capacity to stan multiple groups at a time. But then I asked myself, is it really? Liking a lot of things is great, you're not heavily dependent on just one group or one bias, you get a lot more comebacks, a lot more chances to celebrate and be happy!

Here are boy groups other than Bangtan that caught my attention so far.

SEVENTEEN : (2015 debut) I started liking them from Don't Wanna Cry stage days, because I kept seeing the hashtag on worldwide trending topics for each win (they won 6 times which is impressive!). I was curious about the song, and it is GOOD! The wins are well-deserved. I love this song so much. The song is great and the choreography is beautiful. I started researching more about them. I was watching Nu'est's Face MV when I blurted out 'Seungcheol??' and then immediately after I thought 'Wait. Since when did I remember his name? (real name, even!)'. I'm excited about their next comeback. The performance unit video is SO BEAUTIFUL UGH.
Names memorized : Sadly only 10 out of 13
Members I like : Pretty boy Jeonghan, Joshua, Vernon
Fav. Song : Don't Wanna Cry

Monsta X : (2015 debut) I kept seeing their names being recommended every time someone ask for other K-Pop recs, so I searched them up. I really love their songs! I'm not a fan of ballads but even their ballads are nicely produced. I ended up buying my favorite songs from each of their albums. I tried to watch some of their VLives and this is probably because I don't know them enough, but I'm not sure about the likability of their personalities. STILL, I'm super excited about their November comeback!!!!
Names memorized : 7 out of 7 ☆ 7 is a good number of members
Members I like : Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Kihyun
Fav. Song : Hero, Tresspass, Stuck (most of their up beat songs, tbh - I'm still baffled at the fact that Hero wasn't a title track)

( many more groups under the cut )

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Muse and Fandom

Fri, 25 Aug 2017 10:13:30 GMT

( I fixed my graphics comm )

As I was re-coding, I reminisced my muses and how my graphics evolve around them. I've been doing graphics since a very long time as just a side hobby, but got more serious in iconing during my Adam Lambert fandom period. Back then, my muse was Tommy. It was 2009 - 2010 when I was still mainly using LiveJournal, my graphics was not good so I don't think I will go back that far to fix and restore my old graphics comm where all my Tommy arts are. Tommy wasn't a very popular icon subject, and that pushes me beyond my comfort zone to create all sorts of fannish things surrounding him. I did a decent job. I made many-many icons, a fanmix, picspams, etc. He was a cute glitterbaby. My first 'real' fandom experience ever.

( other fandoms )

Now two years apart, I got into BTS focusing on V. To be honest, I'm struggling. There are a lot of factors that contribute to this. One, I had two years break from Photoshop. I haven't been creating or learning anything new. The trend in the icon community changed a lot. I feel so old still clinging to icon styles from years ago. Two, I am very new to the fandom and have very small amount of resources. I need to dig in deeper, scour different parts of the internet and watch TONS of past videos to get my way around. Google is my friend, but there are only so much things you can find via google without base knowledge. It's 4+ years worth of fandom materials, I don't think I can ever catch up. Three, Tae is pretty, but I love him for his personality more than his looks (unlike previous cases). I disagree with many of his personal choices especially in styling and fashion. They hurt my eyes. And feelings lol. Or am I just old and I couldn't understand current fashion trend? I wish the kids have stylists to guide them even during off times or at least when going to the airport when they know, all eyes are going to be on them. But V would disagree with that idea for sure. He's such a free spirit, we should just let him choose what he wants or he wouldn't be himself.

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New computer set-up

Sun, 06 Aug 2017 13:23:44 GMT

When I was going home from Japan, my desktop computer (that I love very much) had to be delivered through sea. It'll take about 30 - 40 days until I can get it back, a period too long for me to live without a PC. I cannot live without a computer! So I decided to buy a laptop, since my old laptop is practically useless at that point.

It's a small laptop-tablet hybrid type, and I'm satisfied with what it can do. However, I wanted to start doing graphics again and I felt like I'm going blind trying to work on this tiny monitor. So I bought myself a bigger Dell monitor to combine with it. I'm not used to it yet but I hope this combination will help me multi-task when I'm on the computer.

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PMS ugh

Fri, 12 May 2017 09:26:45 GMT

This morning when I woke up I wasn't feeling well. I knew something was wrong, but it wasn't that bad so I thought I was just being whiny because I was sleepy. I thought I still could make it to the office just fine. I went to the station and got on the train. The train was not even that crowded, but that feeling was getting worse, I felt like I was about to get a panic attack, accompanied by a hint of nausea. By the time the train left the 3rd station after mine, it got even worse. My hands were cold, I could feel cold sweat all over my body. I was trying to convince myself that I was going to be okay when I started to see black spots and my vision started to go dark. Wow, I'm going to faint, I thought. All I could think of was that I have to get off at the next station and I wished for the train to arrive there soon. The announcement voice was fading on me but I could feel the train stopping and the doors opening. At that point my vision was almost completely black, I couldn't see anything but I knew I had to get off so I walked with one hand covering my face and one hand stretched to the direction I was walking to like a crazy person. When I thought about it again, I was lucky that I didn't get either of my foot stuck in between the train and the platform, that would be a disaster. Eventually my hand touched a big pillar on the platform and I've never been so grateful about its existence in my life. I stood against the pillar for a couple of seconds waiting to gain strength and for my vision to come back. It came back little by little, and as I saw an empty spot on the platform bench I immediately dragged my body to sit there. I felt cold still, but at least I regained my strength and vision, and I was not about to faint anymore. I was looking around searching for signs of any station staff or an emergency intercom machine just in case, while pondering whether I should go back home, go to the station office to lay down a little bit, or just continue my journey to the office. This reminded me of Tokyo Metro's posters advising passengers who does not feel well to reach for their staff immediately. When I was sure I could stand up straight again I head to a nearby vending machine and got myself a bottle of water. The machine didn't have Ion drink which I thought would help my body be stronger temporarily, but at least I got water. I decided I should lay down a bit so I went up the escalator to find Metro staff, but I saw the railway map on my way up, counted that I only need to endure 5 more stops to reach my workplace and went back to the platform. If this was any other day, I wouldn't think twice to send an email to my superior and excuse myself from work for the day. But there's this thing due on Monday, I promised to go to lunch with the nice ladies at work, plus I had a meeting with HR scheduled at 2 PM. The meeting will determine my fate and the procedure of going back to Indonesia, and as an OCD planner that I am, I JUST REALLY NEEDED TO KNOW. The train came. I stood in the crowd near the door, kept my head down, controlled my breathing while repeating positive thoughts in my mind.

I made it to the office although with very little to no motivation to work all day. All I could think of is : I want to take a nap!!! I figured it's that time of the month again : my PMS. It's as they say, it really has gotten so much more awful in your 30s. It has been happening for a while so I anticipated it to come each month. But since it passed my estimated date, I simply thought 'oh, maybe this month it's not going to be as horrible as before'. Man, I was wrong.

It also shows different symptoms each time? Sometimes the joint pain is so unbearable I can't even get myself out of bed, sometimes the headache is worse, but it was never a blackout. This was the first time. But each time there's always cold sweat accompanied by panic attack for knowing something is really wrong. If I'm lucky it happens on weekends so I can just rest, or at least very early in the morning on a weekday so I have enough time to contact the office for a day off. It's the second time I had to get off the train because of these PMS related symptoms/attacks.

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I went to see Spectre!

Wed, 18 Nov 2015 02:06:13 GMT

And I didn't like it. I mainly went to see it because it's my movie night with my siblings, sometimes they come up with a movie they think we need to watch and then we go to the cinema to see it. I love going out with them since I don't have many chances like that. Especially, yesterday was a family dinner and movie. November 13 was my parents' anniversary and my sister thought it's a good idea to buy them flowers, ask them to dinner and movie. In the end I paid for everything but okay...

Anyway! Spectre. Man, maybe I'm just not a fan of Bond movies. The movie is very beautiful to look at, great cars, exciting cities and locations, but the plot is weak. I feel like they blow up things for the sake of showing how great of an action movie this is, without any significance in the plot.

The first 10 minutes in, I felt like I'm in hell. The story of fighting one person took forever! Also my sister said it's a Bond thing, but what the eff is with that long credit before the movie even started? I kept waiting for a plot to follow but this movie gives me... nothing. I felt nothing towards the characters (except maybe Q because he's cute and geeky), I felt like the sex scenes, the explosions, have not enough reason to happen. Also Lea Seydoux (?) is too young for Daniel Craig. Seriously. He could be her father.

I didn't like it and if there are more Bond movies in the future, maybe I should skip them as well.

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Project from Hell

Fri, 18 Sep 2015 08:22:43 GMT

For the past three weeks, my life has been a living hell. A friend of mine offered a translation job, which I accepted with great joy. I do freelance translation jobs all the time, and this particular friend has given me many opportunities in the past which I am very grateful for.

But turns out this project is TERRIBLE. The work is not only much more difficult than expected, but also very complicated. The agent that gave us this job is asking for progress EVERY.SINGLE.DAY like a debt collector and we only realized later how we are very much underpaid. The workload is simply too much and isn't worth the money. I have a full time job and I still have to work on this after my 9-5. I've been working round the clock with very little to no time to rest and do anything else. I'm so stressed. I told my friend that I'm dropping out because this is too crazy, and she begged me not to. And now I'm trapped in this awful project which is still continuing for a couple of weeks ahead.

This is crazy. The money isn't even that good, I hate this job.

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Today I Feel...

Fri, 11 Sep 2015 03:13:46 GMT

I feel like I don't want to work. I'm tired.
I don't want to work anymore. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be trapped in this stupid cubicle for 8 hours every fucking day. I'm sure every single person who had worked a desk job feels the same way for at least once in their cubicle life.

Or maybe I'm just tired. I'm sleep deprived. Maybe I'm just stressed out from this never ending translation project which turned out to be more difficult than I had expected. Maybe I got moody because of the negative emails I read when I just turned on my computer this morning. Possibly the fact that the nicest and most reliable person at Head Quarter who trained me just told me that she's quitting the company by the end of the month caught me off guard.

But maybe ... only because it's Friday and my work motivation on Fridays has always been lower than any other days.

Maybe I just need a vacation.

Or maybe, it is time to depart from here and start a new adventure.

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I just realized something

Wed, 10 Jun 2015 15:13:05 GMT

I've been sneezing like crazy since a couple of weeks ago, I kept thinking that it's flu symptom and I'm about to be sick. But no. I've always known that I'm allergic to something in the air, and I've always thought it's dust/dust mites but again, for this case, no. My allergy always worsens during summer in Japan, and dry season here, when it's hot and the air is much more humid. But I can't be allergic to heat or humidity and today I realized the culprit is mold. God damn it.

My apartment room is so tiny and it has no window that connects me to the outside world/fresh air. There is one tiny window for ventilation, when I open it I can only see a wall and the air coming from there is not fresh either. I'm mostly out all day for work, the ac is off, the air doesn't flow for at least 9 hours every day, the air is hot and humid and it's the perfect recipe for MOLD. Fucking mold. I put lots of cheap, small, temporary dehumidifiers (I don't know what it's called in English), but they run out so fast and today I could smell MOLD. I need electric air humidifier but it's expensive. But I don't want to continue living like this so I guess I'll think about it :/

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I want to be a better person

Fri, 08 May 2015 11:19:37 GMT

I just blew up and cursed out loud at the office. In front of everyone. That's something I've never done before and I myself was shocked with what happened. I'm taking the whole next week off, I really, really don't want to be bothered work related thoughts during my time off. I've finished EVERYTHING, even next week's portion to make sure I don't leave anything unfinished behind. I'm a responsible person! I'm a good employee! But just before I go home today, I got an email from head office about an application I've submitted since last week. I dislike the way they blamed me for the incomplete application when no one ever explained anything to me. Ever. I dislike Japanese work ethic that requires you to apologize and hang your head low when anyone points out your mistakes even though the whole system is at fault. I'm furious that this simple code application spiralled into something I never expected it to be, and I couldn't get my job done because of it. I was so angry!

I guess I have to be grateful that I was given the chance to feel what I felt. To learn and grow more. I'm still immature and emotional sometimes, and it seems like I was refusing to acknowledge my weakness the whole time. I tend to run away from things I don't understand because I don't want to look stupid and incapable. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe it was my pms.

I want to be a better person.

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My Laptop Broke

Tue, 17 Mar 2015 10:07:14 GMT

Yesterday I wrote in my icon post but I haven't wrote it here, my laptop broke. I guess it's something to do with the defunct backlight of the LCD which makes it very very dark even when the computer is on. Which is... frustrating. I brought it to the service center and they said that it's the LCD so they have to change the whole screen and it will cost me $130. I don't want to pay for this!

The laptop itself is not that old, almost 2 years but I read that it's a common problem on thin laptops/ultrabooks monitor. I guess that's the price we pay for that thinness!

I'm frustrated. I'm PC-less, I'm tired and feeling lethargic all the time, I don't know what I'd do without a PC in my room. I get to use work computer in daytime but right after work my choices are down to my phone or the tv (oh the horror).

This makes me really want a new computer, something great with a big screen. But it's not my priority at the moment. I'll think of it.

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Drag Race is back!!

Tue, 03 Mar 2015 09:20:58 GMT

Normally it starts airing in January but this year it has been pushed back to March. I've been waiting forever! I'm so excited!! This reality show is my biggest guilty pleasure ever.

I watched the teasers and interviews on youtube and also the first episode sans judging and elimination, and my early favorites are; Max, Violet, Katya, Pearl. When I was researching about season 7, I was super intrigued about Miss Fame and watched a bunch of videos of her. I found her very pretty and fascinating back then, but now, IDK her face is a bit boring and though androgynous and polished, but looks manly (probably because of the jawline) and basically the same face every time (especially after looking at so many photos and videos of hers). I mean unlike MY QUEEN Raja who could show up with distinctly different look/face every time.

I LOVE Max and Violet's Fall look! Dang, girl! Although Violet does come off like a cocky young queen from the first ep. Let's see if she's going to be annoying fast. LaGanja was my early favorite last season because she's pretty but boy she has insufferable personality.

I love how unusual Max is, she's pretty and polished, yet so pale and weird and unique and in her own world. Both as a boy and as a queen. We've seen 7 seasons worth of drag queens but she's nothing we've ever seen before so I'm really really intrigued. We just wonder what she'd do next and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Also she's super tall. I have a thing for skinny tall people. Also, based on what people has been buzzing on the internet, she's one of the mysterious queens with no traces online, makes us wonder what more can she offer.

Aaaaah so excited! I'm getting the episodes today and will watch them tonight!

People are talking about how disappointed they are that Untucked was moved to YouTube and no longer airs on TV. To me personally, I don't watch the show on TV anyway so this makes no difference whatsoever. If it's on YouTube now then I just hope that they make the videos available for international viewers. Also, I'm not here for the dramas/catfights so if that's where they going for Untucked, I would not bother.

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I'm so tired (whine whine whine) - weekend log

Tue, 24 Feb 2015 03:38:20 GMT

Feb 19th (Chinese New Year) was a national holiday here, and I took a day off on the 20th so that I could get a long(er) holiday/weekend. I went home in the morning on the 19th and that day I immediately did some re-organization of me and my brother's room because I've been feeling so inspired to clean after marathoning Compulsive Obsessive Cleaners on YouTube. I didn't clean EVERYTHING, but I managed to get rid of the clothes rack hanger that has been bothering me for a while. My mom insisted for us to have one in our room. It stood right in front of the window, the room lack of fresh air and sunlight because I couldn't open it. After some re-organization the room feels fresh and more spacious! I only need to buy some box-shaped shelf to help organize the stash of things left in corners of the room. I also managed to finish some of my swap-bot swaps that almost due.

( Feb 20-22 log )

And today, the 23rd, I'm still feeling soooo tired! It was really really hard fighting the urge to just take a half day off to sleep more this morning. I'm proud with so many things that I achieved during the long holiday, but I really wish I had more time.

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Luhan icons for dailyicons

Fri, 13 Feb 2015 03:31:46 GMT

Temporary post

( 100 icons + prompts under the cut )

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Back from EXO's concert!

Sun, 07 Sep 2014 03:24:57 GMT

LULU WAS SO BEAUTIFUL OMG. Lemme run through all members (no particular order) :

Sehun - was injured, poor bb. He tried his best during the whole show, but his solo stage was omitted and he sat on a stool during Wolf and Growl. BUT OMG HE'S THE CUTEST THING EVER?????? He looked just like the photos, the gifs, and he acted just like the little shit that he is. He is so fucking cute. He did a V sign pose for a fan from the middle stage it was so fucking cute AKSFSLKFJSF:SD. Cute maknae. It was weird to hear the interpreter translated maknae into 'bungsu' something I never thought of and it's really cute to hear.

Because of his injury, HE WENT TO THE AIRPORT WEARING FLIP FLOPS. Something King of fashion Oh Sehun would never do, lol.

Lulu - SAIYAN HAIR LULU!!! I like it? 8) He was so beautiful and glowing. But things ran through my mind as I was watching him. Like how he looked so thin and tired. How he probably is bored with the routines, especially Mama, since they've been performing that song for 2 years now? The thing I hated was I feel like most of the time he was so far away from my section, couldn't really see him except for on the screen. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TALK SO SHORT THOUGH. YOUR SOLO WAS ALSO SO SHORT.

( the rest + more photos under the cut )

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EXO IS COMING

Thu, 31 Jul 2014 05:46:11 GMT

[CONFIRMED] EXO FROM EXOPLANET #1 - THE LOST PLANET in Jakarta | Sat, 6 Sept 2014 | 6.30 PM | Lapangan D Senayan | #LOSTPLANETinINA
— DyandraEntertainment (@DyandraEnt) July 18, 2014

We finally have a date and ticket pricing.

The one thing that I do not have for sure until now is... a friend to go with.

I have this friend Jennifer, whom I met on postcrossing. I was ecstatic that she loves EXO and she is planning to go to the concert and we made a promise to go together. She said she'd have to choose seat ticket because she won't be able to bear standing for such a long time. I thought whatever, if they have a two days concert or three, I'd go by myself in different area on one day, and go for the seat with Jennifer on the other.

Turns out, they only have one date. Which I still couldn't believe until this point. EXO is huge here. Every teen in the archipelago would want to see them, why do they do this to us? The competition to get tickets will be HELL. And one more bad news : MEIS, aka Jakarta's only indoor stadium in which every artist performs, is closed because of some scandals. Great. And now we get Lapangan D for the venue which is a fucking track field. I ... really don't like everything so far, the venue, the idea that there will be only ONE day, BUT I'M GOING ANYWAY. This is the concert I've been waiting since forever and we don't know when EXO will ever visit the city again. So I'm going.

Jennifer told me she's not because there's no seating. She said she'll try to check other South East Asian dates and look into whether she'll go to those places instead (Singapore, Bangkok). Obviously, I don't have the luxury to go to another country for a concert so I will go even if Jennifer isn't and I will have to go alone.

Yesterday, I had a family Eid gathering at my aunt's. And while talking to my cousin in law, I found out that my 14 yo niece is dying to go to EXO's concert. So... we're going together? I guess that was our last agreement, but today my mom said her parents aren't sure about letting her go because the ticket is fucking expensive (especially the area I was aiming). They were trying to talk her into not going and go to a family vacation to Bangkok instead. Plus other things. Poor thing. I can imagine being her, 14 and I bet this is everything she'd ever wanted. And if she doesn't get it, she will regret this moment her whole life. Or not. I was just imagining if I were in her position.

Anyway, even if I have to go alone I still will go. That is... if I can get tickets.

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I wonder if I still have enough motivation for this

Fri, 20 Jun 2014 09:43:33 GMT

The second term of my Korean class is ending, but I really, really don't have enough motivation for it right now. I'm being chased by credit card dues from my Japan trip and I need more money which I'm making through translating mangas. And like I said my previous entry, it is not easy to constantly switching Japanese mode to Korean mode in my head in a short time span. I want to focus on the translation first, and then I will focus on Korean when I'm done with my deadline.

I got mixed feelings everytime I decided to come to class now. I just don't want to go to class but I have to for my attendance. Because I've learned Japanese, I'm capable of comprehending things faster than others - but I don't have enough time and or motivation to practice or memorize anything and my quiz scores have been awful. I don't want to be that student who comes late, doesn't pay attention in class, doesn't do their homework and never studies for exams, but shit I'm really becoming one.

I'm contemplating whether or not I should continue to Level 3. I don't want to suffer through the same emotional process all over again. I'm starting to wonder why I wanted to learn this in the first place.

I remember I had similar break down in my first term, with me feeling low and thought it just wasn't worth it and I hated every moment of it. But I managed to get over it by simply getting myself into the right mindset. I tried that trick. It isn't working now. And I don't remember my first term colliding with my translation work but let's see how it goes now. Final exam is in two weeks.

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I had a Conversation with a Kris Fan

Wed, 11 Jun 2014 04:07:32 GMT

Yesterday I attended my Korean class. I enjoy the classes, but the one thing that bothers me, is that it is really hard for me to switch from Japanese mode to Korean mode sometimes, especially when I have translation deadlines like right now. I really want to focus on translating, but I had to attend the class. I can feel my Japanese and Indonesian language skill deteriorating as I'm trying to learn Korean. I'm trying to find my ways around it.

My class basically is separated into two; people who sit on the left side, most of which are from the original Sejong 1 Tue - Thurs class, and the right side which is ... transferred students from other classes. I'm in the original group with my friends, and we don't switch seats which cut the chance of ever talking to people from the other side of the class.

Yesterday after class I saw one person from the other side walking to the same direction I was walking to, so I decided to talk to her. I've never really talked to her before, but I do remember her from her self introduction when we first started our class, because she's an EXO stan. She is (or was) a Kris fan. I called her to wait for me and we walked together while talking about EXO.

( conversation under the cut )

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I told myself not to be affected by this

Sun, 18 May 2014 03:39:33 GMT

I've been in fandom ups and downs before and I learned my lesson. When something bad happens... it is best to stay away from it.

But it's just impossible, isn't it? It's all I got in my mind since the news broke. And I too, finally had shed tears over this (I promised myself I wouldn't). My heart is with EXO, it is so hard to imagine how they're feeling right now, how they're coping with this, having a person who has been with them for years (their leader, even) turned his back and left them, probably forever. How all years of hard work and their dreams are in jeopardy, just right before their first ever solo concert that every idol might had dreamed of since their trainee days.

I cried seeing Lay squealed like a little girl at their Japan fanmeeting, I cried imagining how heart broken Tao is, I cried thinking how much more sleep everyone is losing for having to re-do everything for the concert.

I respect Kris' decision for himself, but after observing how well planned and organized his leave was, I can't but feeling for the other 11 who are hurt. I can't with him right now.

*stay strong, EXO kids*

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Woah

Thu, 15 May 2014 15:03:10 GMT

Huge crisis in EXO fandom today as Kris wants to leave the group and sue SM a la Hangeng.

My initial reaction was 'can you do this after the concert?'. EXO's first ever solo concert is coming up in mere days now and we're hit by this news. But the truth is, there never is the right time to do this. No matter when it is, there will be a huge blow. The fandom is massive. EXO is now one of the top groups in the K-Pop world right now and there is no chance that this won't blow up.

I know there are a lot of considerations to make; there's that slave contract, there's a group with 11 other members who all had been working their asses off, there are years of hard work, not to mention the fame they gain from working for the company. BUT. I do think a person is the only one who could make decisions for themselves.

We've always heard people say "If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree." Or other similar sayings about seeking your own happiness. I respect the decision, and I myself had experienced working a job I hate/doing things that are not for me and during the time it felt very, very drowning and depressing. If Kris isn't happy and wants to leave, then ... I wish he finds happiness and success in ways that he can enjoy.

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But ... what about my feelings?

Wed, 30 Apr 2014 08:43:49 GMT

This is yet another entry on postcrossing. Or rant, to be exact. I've been wanting to join one of those travelling notebooks project in the postcrossing forum. Travelling notebook, just like the name suggest, is a project of one note travelling to several places and every member of the group fill in a page of two with their dreams, stories, photos, or anything at all depending on the theme that the group agreed on.

There's this one member who made creativity travelling notebook round robins. Which means instead of one travelling notebook, each member of the group has one notebook that we pass on to other members. In the end we supposed to get a notebook filled with other people's creative entry. I excitedly, ambitiously joined when she started a new group. I made an awesome notebook that I passed on to the next member. It has a good cover with pink rubber elastic cord that I attached to the book using eyelets. It was a good notebook. It was my first ever rather successful handmade notebook:

Everything seems to be going great and in order until half way. In fact, of all the three TN RR that she maintain, this was the fastest, the smoothest one. Now three notebooks has came back to their owner and other three are supposedly still travelling ... except for mine. I think mine is lost somewhere between USA and Germany, because the person in the US sent it out on March 6, which was almost two months ago. And usually postal items don't wander that long before they reach their destination, which made me certain that it is, in fact, lost into the abyss.

The moderator didn't say anything about this, and that makes me sad. As a moderator of the group you have to make sure that the travelling goes smoothly and when it's not, ... you at least can offer some suggestions or options?? Like whether I would like to restart my book or not. I mean ... everyone's getting their notebook back and I'm the only one who doesn't and I'm really sad about this. And I did my best to make my entries for everyone's book.

Does no one care? Maybe I should give up on the idea of a perfect travelling notebook project, no one can guarantee if your postal item gets lost somewhere.

You know, even though the mod asks me if I want to restart or not I might will say no anyway, but it would be nice to have someone care about it, especially after I mentioned to her several times that I wanted to be in the RR and that if she makes another one I really would like to join. After all that hassle and excitement, now everything ended in nothing. What a waste of time and energy. This sucks.

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Forgiveness

Wed, 16 Apr 2014 15:47:38 GMT

Not a while ago, I saw a quote that says

Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

And I've been thinking a lot about it. Since my 'drama' post I wrote back in February, I'm still bitter about this one person. I HATE her and it's haunting me. I didn't tell her that what she did irritated me, or that her treatments towards me was awful as hell. The event was over and I don't see the need to start a confrontation then. I just wanted to forget all this, forget that I ever know her and move on.

But it was not easy. I still have some photos that she needs to report the event and I insisted on not giving them to her. I don't care. I don't even reply to her messages. And I realized reading the quote, that I don't feel peace within me because I myself can't let go of this. She doesn't need me to forgive her - she doesn't even know what I'm thinking. I need to forgive her.

So today I sent the photos to another person who said that she is making the report which later on will be sent to the person in question. I mentioned to her as to why I was holding back giving them the photos. I thought it will give me peace, but now I'm not so sure. I just hope I don't appear preachy or whiny. Anyway, lesson learned and I hope we all can be a better person in the future.

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