taxcha: (Default)
2017-08-11 02:08 pm
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No, wait, no

Yesterday Big Hit released a poster of Jungkook for the Love Yourself series drama. And I... just... couldn't? I don't know how to feel about it. The boy is cute and the poster is sweet, but I'm not sure about the idea of series of dramas. Probably this is more about me personally not fond of dramas, but also in the poster he is in A FREAKING WHEELCHAIR which scares me a lot. I don't like dramas, especially sad ones that rips your heart apart. I have no idea of the storyline but I'm already having a hard time looking at my poor baby in pajamas sitting on a wheelchair looking so powerless. DON'T DO THIS TO ME. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME.

I've heard of this drama talk, that they are going to release mini dramas to show each member's ability to act in hope of landing a role in tv dramas? I do not like that idea. I'd rather they focus on their music, make it so spectacular to reach the current level of high expectation if not surpass it. Also I love the boys to death but realistically speaking I'm not sure of their individual acting skills, their acting in MVs so far has been mediocre at best. The same face over and over, since they were only required to look cool in short camera shots. IDK, my reaction towards this is just, please don't push it.

Of course, on the other hand I'm 100% for growth so kids can do and explore whatever they want. Maybe I'm just worried. I'm just scared of this new, uncharted ideas. I'm looking forward to their music and the new era though I am clearly not ready.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-08-06 07:31 pm
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Finally finished moving... again

I'm back from my last trip to where I lived the past month. Finally finished moving everything by my own bare hands.

Anyway, I asked the owner to help me plug an LED lamp that I brought from home because I needed my room to be brighter that how it was. It's a high-ceiling room so I couldn't possibly plug it by myself. Now that I'm moving out, I want that lamp back so I asked the lady who works there. She said "there's no male worker right now, it's impossible for us girls to unplug it". I went back to my new place thinking I might just forget about the lamp. But then I researched how much that lamp costs, and it's not a cheap Rp. 20K lamp, it's a proper LED lamp with a market price of Rp. 80K - 100K. Mostly I felt bad for my dad because I took that lamp from his lamp stash, he'd want me to continue using it.

So I went back to that place while wondering if there is any way I could unplug the lamp by myself. I don't mind taking a ladder up to do it, but I'm not sure if I have enough stamina and strength to bring a ladder four long flight of stairs up (and later on back down). I thought I saw an aluminum ladder near the reception before, I tried to take a peek as I passed by. I reached my room and ponder more. Nobody can tell me I can't do it. Once I managed to take the documents that I forgot on my desk at school from inside a locked classroom, by stealing the key from a locked management room using MacGyver techniques.

I thought, if I move the table a bit, the cupboard a bit, then I can climb them and reach the lamp! I thought that's an idea worth exploring so I turned on bathroom lamp to get light, and turned the main lamp off. As I was doing that, there was a knock on the door. It was the lady explaining that she'd try to get someone unplug the lamp, but it's not going to be tonight. She also persuaded me to stay and showed me another room for the last time before I left forever lol.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-08-02 07:09 pm
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I haven't done anything to fix the broken images I hosted on Photobucket. They look unpretty, but I'm pretty sure no one is visiting any of my blogs so I don't feel the urgency to fix everything immediately. It's just too much work, too much hassle. Photobucket has been changing their terms and conditions several times over the past decade I've been using it and to be frank I never read any of their emails (moreover their latest terms and conditions). I noticed the broken images on my blog and thought that I have gone over my bandwidth for the month. I thought that is weird, considering the pics I hosted there are tiny mood theme items and icons, there is no way my blog generated so much views that my account ran out of the free bandwidth. Normally when you ran out of bandwidth, the pictures you hosted on PB will be replaced temporarily with their placeholder image, and will be back when the bandwidth quota is reset at the beginning of the next month. However, this time the placeholder images aren't going away, I checked the P500 thing they demanded me to upgrade to just to find out the price for that plan is $39.99 per-month which is too expensive. I gave up and just let my broken images as it is while I think of the best way to fix this. I was a paying customer for a couple of years but for the most times I was just a freeloader so I knew a time like this would come. EVERYTHING now comes with a subscription plan and Photobucket is no exception.

It was only after I googled 'photobucket alternative' that I realized how big of a problem this was worldwide. I know people hotlink images to forums and blogs, but didn't know that people also linked images hosted on Photobucket on sites like ebay and even Amazon. I could see why PB made this decision, they've operated since 2003, hosted billions of images and 75% of their expenses is to pay server fee for images uploaded on free accounts. It's never easy to change policy and make people pay for what used to be a free service. There will be outrage. There will be complaints. But as I mentioned above, I don't care that much. It was a free service and I was enjoying benefits without paying or seeing any ads for years. I knew that things wouldn't be free forever. They could've notified their users beforehand, yes. They could've provided a better pricing plan, I agree, but I don't feel like I have the right to be outraged when something I used for free suddenly goes away.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-07-26 04:54 pm
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Bon Voyage Ep. 5

Bon Voyage is becoming my only source of entertainment lately. I could watch their reaction video forever. Last night's episode was so precious despite my crappy internet connection.

Taetae sleeping and waking up is always my favorite, so any scene that includes those is greatly welcome. Seeing how hard he wants to get better in speaking and understanding English, I do think he has the talent (and confidence obviously). He just needs more time and practice which, probably he doesn't have that much chance of considering their schedule.

Taetae swimming scene was super cute and squishy. Why was he swimming in that shirt and the towel bandana, is beyond me, though.

The kids are doing so well managing themselves! With the games the staff provides them and rock paper scissors, there are only so much possibilities of team combinations. The kids were suggesting, instead of going with the game result, why not go with the most unlikely combination. The kids said ARMY would love it, like Yoongi and Taehyung together. GOD I could already feel how awkward it is between them. They are so different! Right off the bat when they were betting for the allowance money, Taehyung (of course) jumps to his feet to take the risk of losing $10 and play 10 ping-pong relay game but Yoongi disagreed. Taehyung basicaly just want to try on any and everything that caught his attention, but Yoongi knows it when something is stupid and the chance of winning is super low. So he insisted that Taehyung and him should sit this one out. Yoongi stretching his hand out saying "come here, come hold my hand." to Taehyung who begrudgingly obeys him was super adorable. Taehyung believes that he can win anything and he hates losing (or even worse, not trying). In the end, out of the 3 pairs who tried to play, none succeed. Yoongi said to Taehyung "see, did you learn anything from this?" like an old man to his disobedient child. I'm really interested in seeing how the dynamics in their friendship journey would be like in the next episode. Taetae already mentioned that he had fun climbing down the stairs while playing rock-paper-scissors with Yoongi so I'm looking forward to that as well. Taehyung might seem wacky and crazy all the time but he does have vulnerable side to him and sometimes it feels like he is hiding that side of him from everyone. I hope they get to do serious talk in their journey.

And then Namjoon and Hoseok!!! Namjoon has always mentioned that there's this weird distance between them, which I'm so confused about, because both seems like easy going people and they're the same age, aren't they supposed to be super close #94liners or something? Because we already know how close the 95z are (or maknae line in general). Also again it is easy to see how the kind hearted Jimin is close to all the members, he could be paired with anyone and the pairing would not fall into an "unlikely" category. Jimin even mentioned to have visited Suga at his house once, something I suspect nobody else in BTS has done before.

With his personality, I could also see Jin being paired with anyone. I have been warming up to Jin since I said that he was unsympathetic. I've watched videos of him being funny (or at least try to be) and how the members enjoy his presence. He is the oldest but he doesn't give out that vibe at all. I didn't know that Jin and Jungkook was so close they have their own BFF handshake. Yoongi on the other hand, is not the oldest but the one other members (even Jin) are most scared of.

Even though there probably is no more teamings in this season of BV, I'm also interested to see the dynamics between Jungkook and Suga, actually.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-07-24 10:03 am
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Just when I said there's not much going on on the BTS + channel on VLive, they posted the boys' reaction to Bon Voyage S2 Ep1 video. I was on the fence about purchasing membership for the CH+ before, but when I saw this video, I just had to have it! I purchased a one year subscription last night and immediately started to watch the reaction video. It was so good. Seeing them laugh makes me so happy. They talked about how exhausted they were during the shooting of that first episode, but to be honest, I didn't know until they mentioned it. Poor babies. I guess they are just so used to being filmed all the time that they just played along and do the best they can in front of cameras that it looks natural to the viewers.

I didn't get what is funny with Jin's fashion advice line, but seeing them laughed so hard at it makes me laugh as well. Kookie's part where he mimic punching a shark was so precious. And I can repeat Jin's sweat part forever. Even the unlikely-to-be-amused Suga thinks this episode was very funny.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-07-20 05:05 pm
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Bon Boyaji Bwayaji

I purchased Bon Voyage Season 2! Gosh I love the boys so much each episode makes me laugh, smile, and love them even more. Being a new fan, I wasn't familiar with VLive at all, but I really love the concept. It's brilliant. Also BTS is the number one channel on the platform so I couldn't not love it. VLive mentions that (a portion of) our purchases will go towards the artists to create even better content for us, and that makes sense. I personally have never pay for any personality-related content but I certainly would for BTS. And... turns out it's quite expensive hahaha.

A one year subscription for the CH+ channel costs us 1200 coins (which is like $25?). Bon Voyage Season 2 Package costs 800 coins, and BTS 3rd anniversary package costs 500 coins. If I were to purchase them all, it's like $60 (around IDR 700K?). It's too expensive! With the boys on down low for an off time before comeback, there's not much going on on the main/+ channel anyway, so I decided to get Bon Voyage 2.

It's really nice! I'm happy to see how the boys enjoyed their holiday visiting beautiful places and doing fun activities. Yes it's for a show and they're constantly being recorded but being used to it, many of their reactions are still so genuine it hurts (I cried watching the last episode). I can feel how the company is babying them and rewarding them with nice vacation.

The problem I have with this paid contents is how VLive restricts VODs from being played on PC, and how Live versions do not have the best translation for international fan to enjoy. I paid for the content, and I can't choose when and where I want to watch it? I just want to watch the content on a bigger screen. I still love watching the boys though, so I plan to also purchase Season 1 when I'm finished with this one.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-07-20 12:54 pm
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Yesterday someone posted a picture with major K-Pop acts album release dates and though unconfirmed, my gut says it is very likely to be true (looks like an insider info for records company / music industry related work in China). Dates listed for some acts are true and they all are the ones rumored/confirmed to have a comeback in the near future. BTS is listed as; no title yet, but the date is August 17. It's a month from now. I'm anxious.

Anxious because well, first of all waiting for a comeback is always nerve-racking for fans, so many questions. When is it? Would it be good? How's the styling going to be? But the biggest reason of my anxiousness is, that this will be my first time experiencing BTS comeback as a fan. I'm with them entering a new era. It has been a journey for them to get here, they won record of the year with Wings at MMA and Seouls Music Awards, AND ARTIST OF THE YEAR AT MAMA which is HUGE for them. They got major global exposure through Billboard Music Awards and their popularity surged like crazy. Gaon recorded them as the most selling artist in first half of 2017 by far.

I've been watching various pre-recorded contents of theirs, and while I laugh and smile and cry watching them, I pray for them to always be happy and healthy. And even though I know idol life has a very tight schedule where all possible activities are crammed into a very short amount of time, deep inside my heart I still wish that the company would give them proper off time. This is their time, this is their moment, everything has building up for this. I really want them to be able to create bigger and better music. For them to be able to give the best that they can now that all eyes are on them. The stakes are high, the world (it can't be just me, right?) is waiting with baited breath. I kept wondering, would they really be ready on August 17? Is there enough time? Have they been working on some music while on tour? What kind of record would they make this time? Would their new single be as phenomenal as the previous ones? Would they have enough time to practice? Can we beat all records and climb to the top of all awards and charts? This is their time.

I'm anxious.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-07-14 08:53 pm
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Definitely Not a Koreaboo

During our trip to Bandung :
Me & My Sister : *talks about K-Pop for 4 hours straight*
Mom & Dad : ...

During our family gathering in Bandung :
Mom : "Hey come here, your cousin loves Korea too, you should talk to her"
Me : *makes face that say "What are you talking about, I don't like Korea"
(while having knowledge of Korean Language, Korean TV shows and the current K-Pop scene)

During our trip home from Bandung :
Me & My Sister : *talks about K-Pop the whole journey home*
taxcha: (Default)
2017-07-14 07:50 pm
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Come Back Home

Okay in literal sense, I am back in Jakarta. I'm... okay? I felt a surge of excitement and happiness when I just arrived, it felt so good to be home. Rather than the city/country, I guess I just miss being myself. It took me no time to get used to living here again. One year is a short time, it's just like I never left.

However, the thing I want to talk about here is BTS' cover of Seo Taiji's Come Back Home. I know, it's been a while since it was released, but I'm still obsessed. I'm one of those people who doesn't know who Seo Taiji is or have ever heard of Come Back Home before, I'm not a K-Pop person so sue me. IT'S SO GOOD?????? BTS has been doing good job in covers, I know but this one is... SO GOOD????

When they posted the teaser on twitter, and even when they posted the first link to their twitter I wasn't excited about it. I felt like there are just so much content BTS is releasing at all times. I haven't even finished catching up with all Festa content and or all the released Bon Voyage episodes. Constantly getting new contents is great but as a new fan, it could be overwhelming and I never know which one to prioritize. When I gave this song a try, I was blown away. The style was perfect for the boys to cover as a group, this song (or at least this version of it) highlights each member's strength and the song as a whole has a very strong BTS flavor to it, IT'S JUST SO GOOD!

I was looking for the original and read that Seo Taiji (and Boys) is one of the artists whose contribution shaped K-Pop industry to what is is today. The original Come Back Home song was released in 1995, BTS MAKNAE LINE KIDS WEREN'T EVEN BORN YET. Listening to it, I get it. It's like I'm listening to Iwa K's song, and he was big back then in Indonesia. The beat, the style, I get it.

Back to BTS version, I honestly think it's perfect. I want to list things that I love of it but I like EVERYTHING. Rap Line did a great job with the rap, and Vocal Line managed to make the bridge and refrain sound so beautiful. I love everyone's voice in this. However, my favorite part is still : every time Suga shouts HAH! after his verse. It's just SO GOOD. I can't describe in words how much I love this song and how good this is.

Today I read about an interview of Seo Taiji that talks about why he chose the kids to do the cover (I think this is for his 25th anniversary of his career?). Everything makes sense, as artists they respect each other, style-wise they are similar, and the song is about problems faced by young people which is often a theme talked by BTS in their songs. Anyway, let me get back to listening to this song on loop.

P.S. So I just found out that one of the boys in Seo Taiji and Boys is the founder/owner of YG Entertainment. Mind. Blown. (I am still not a K-Pop person)
taxcha: (Default)
2017-06-22 03:03 pm
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Everything is going to be alright

After the horrible mood I was in all day yesterday, I left work and found how the comfort of being home calmed me down a lot. I was home early, I was safe, I could break my fast in peace, I could watch videos that make me happy, I could drink my favorite ice cocoa after breakfast, I have clean water, electricity, working internet connection, a comfy bed, I just couldn't ask for more. Suddenly the idea of not going to the concert doesn't sound so bad at all. I went home right after the clock hits 5.30 so it was super early. I had enough time to cook rice, make my drink, watch videos, wrote 5 postcrossing cards, and I also went to the convenience store across the street to get milk and bulk garbage tickets. And I finished most of my presentation script, too. I felt accomplished. I felt content.
taxcha: (Andrej | Stars)
2017-06-21 03:18 pm
Entry tags:


I woke up in a bad mood and it has continued throughout the day. I'm trying to analyze what is wrong, but there are too many factors that contribute to me ended up feeling like this, I think.
First, I am sick. I've been having sore throat and lingering cough for weeks. I don't have the time and or energy to arrange a doctor's visit at the moment and thought it would just go away, but it doesn't.
Second, I was forced to attend yet another company drinking party that I always dread to participate in. This time it's a farewell party for me and several other people who are leaving the division so I could not not come (I tried persuading the organizer to just go on without me. I failed. - They even arrange the schedule around me and Ramadan break fast time.). Honestly the cigarette smoke just worsen my already sore throat.
Third, I got heartburn last night from not eating properly because of the drinking party.
Fourth, lack of sleep because of the heartburn. This is really just a circle of doom.

And fifth, the last reason is because I'm fighting myself hard denying how bad I want to be at BTS' Saitama show right now. I know, I have so many reason not to go;
1. It's workday and I'm working until 17:30.
2. It's Ramadan and I'm fasting. Breakfast is not until 19:00, the show is on at 19:00. How do I break my fast in the middle of a concert crowd?
3. I got home late last night and I have a class to prepare tomorrow, I can't afford to go home late again today.
4. I have neither the fan club membership or the ticket to any of the concerts, and I really don't want to deal with security for purchasing a resale ticket with the way that I look. With non-FC tickets, seats would be so far I'm not sure it would be worth it.
5. I'm just too old for this.
6. The concert is dubbed ~Japan Edition~ and every goddamn song is going to be in the horribly Japanese translated version.
7. Money. I remember spending hundreds of dollars for concerts before and I ended up not having a single memory about it except how horrible it was. I wonder when I move on from this obsession I would feel the same thing about this concert, had I gone.

Still, I wonder if I'm going to regret deciding not to go while I was here.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-05-25 05:45 pm
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Stardust V

All these times I thought talking is just something that comes naturally, and anyone would be able to do it easily. Especially idols because they're constantly performing and guest starring in various tv shows which requires them to talk. So when one is being told to be a radio DJ or an MC, it would not be a challenge to them, right? I was wrong. Some people just do not have enough wit and the right instinct to be one. That is why many of these idol interviews are hard to watch, they can't talk!

Among BTS members, RapMon and Suga is mainly the ones who are responsible of talking or MC-ing and they are REALLY GOOD. They are super articulate and they have the knowledge and instinct of how to lead a conversation. J-Hope is good at talking, too, albeit easily distracted and too high tension at times. From short clips I've seen, I think Jin is alright, being the oldest in the group. I haven't seen the others (maknae line) being burdened by the responsibily of MCing, until yesterday when I finally found the clip of Music Bank Stardust interview from BST comeback last year.

Turns out it's a tradition for this show to have one of the members to MC instead of coming in with an outsider to interview them. I really love this concept, the members are far more comfortable to being themselves this way compared to when they're being faced with questions from someone they don't know. We get more inside jokes, their personality shines bright and we can see strong bond between the members.

Anyway, in this episode, Tae lost the mini game so he had to MC. We could see it on his face a hint of panic when it was decided. He was nervous and not confident at all about this gig. It was his first time MCing and it's the cutest thing ever. Tae was really, really clueless. He's an interesting personality to watch in general because he is super weird, but he does not have the most organized way of thinking and he's certainly not the easiest to understand. He could barely put his thoughts into understandable sentences and words, so being an MC is really a challenge for him. Now I kinda get why he made a big fuss about learning to act when he was casted for Hwarang.

Tae was so bad at this the members were laughing their ass off the whole time.
TH : "Here's a quest for you"
JK : (excitedly) "Ooh is it a game??"
TH : (to staff) "Wait, it's question? (not quest)"
RM : "OMG how did you not know that Qs in interviews stand for questions??"

TH : "You know the reason why BTS popularity is rising?" *builds up* "I know the reason."
JM & JK : ??? LMAO
RM : (confused on how to react to this) "oh, really?"
SJ : "Is that a question or a statement??"

Suga was super cute, he was teasing him "are you reading a book?" but also giving direction on how to MC "you should look at the camera" and "you don't have to follow the script, you know". We all could see that Suga is really smart. Tae was like "seriously??", but was too scared of going off script (or more accurately clueless on how one does that) so he sticked to it stiffly til the end. RapMon was trying to stop everyone from mocking Tae and said in the beginning "Let's just let him do this, let's not say anything about how he does today" but then later he was like "maybe we shouldn't have let him do this" lol. Kind hearted Jimin was very encouraging with "I like this, I like his MCing". And Jungkook was just laughing and his laugh is pure heaven.

Tae himself was very much amused by everything too. He was busy laughing and forgot his about MC job many of the times. It was adorable.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-05-22 11:15 pm
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BBMAs : I'm a mess

I was crying this morning from the stress of moving, and now it's midnight and I'm crying again. But this time it's happy tears, I'm just really, really happy for the boys. I've been a fan for only a couple of months now, and I didn't even help with the voting except for once but I feel like a proud mom. They seemed so happy and excited and genuinely grateful for the fans. They greeted us before, during and after the show, repeatedly thanking all the fans. Personally out of all their tweets, V's was my favorite. It just shows how excited and grateful he is, and how words couldn't describe what he was feeling. It also shows how messy it is inside his head lol. I also love the last VLive clip so so much. That kind of video made us feel like they really connect to us. It was at that very moment instead of idk - partying, having fun, living the dream life - they decided to get online to talk to us, excitedly telling us how they're feeling and how this is all possible because of the fans' effort. Again, I'm a new fan but seeing from videos and accounts how they had almost nothing when they debuted, I feel very very proud of how far this group has came. I can't stop my tears from falling still. I think I cried more today than when I saw the video of them winning artist of the year at MAMA, probably because this time, I'm here with them.
taxcha: (Luhan | Elle Cute)
2017-05-12 06:06 pm
Entry tags:

PMS ugh

This morning when I woke up I wasn't feeling well. I knew something was wrong, but it wasn't that bad so I thought I was just being whiny because I was sleepy. I thought I still could make it to the office just fine. I went to the station and got on the train. The train was not even that crowded, but that feeling was getting worse, I felt like I was about to get a panic attack, accompanied by a hint of nausea. By the time the train left the 3rd station after mine, it got even worse. My hands were cold, I could feel cold sweat all over my body. I was trying to convince myself that I was going to be okay when I started to see black spots and my vision started to go dark. Wow, I'm going to faint, I thought. All I could think of was that I have to get off at the next station and I wished for the train to arrive there soon. The announcement voice was fading on me but I could feel the train stopping and the doors opening. At that point my vision was almost completely black, I couldn't see anything but I knew I had to get off so I walked with one hand covering my face and one hand stretched to the direction I was walking to like a crazy person. When I thought about it again, I was lucky that I didn't get either of my foot stuck in between the train and the platform, that would be a disaster. Eventually my hand touched a big pillar on the platform and I've never been so grateful about its existence in my life. I stood against the pillar for a couple of seconds waiting to gain strength and for my vision to come back. It came back little by little, and as I saw an empty spot on the platform bench I immediately dragged my body to sit there. I felt cold still, but at least I regained my strength and vision, and I was not about to faint anymore. I was looking around searching for signs of any station staff or an emergency intercom machine just in case, while pondering whether I should go back home, go to the station office to lay down a little bit, or just continue my journey to the office. This reminded me of Tokyo Metro's posters advising passengers who does not feel well to reach for their staff immediately. When I was sure I could stand up straight again I head to a nearby vending machine and got myself a bottle of water. The machine didn't have Ion drink which I thought would help my body be stronger temporarily, but at least I got water. I decided I should lay down a bit so I went up the escalator to find Metro staff, but I saw the railway map on my way up, counted that I only need to endure 5 more stops to reach my workplace and went back to the platform. If this was any other day, I wouldn't think twice to send an email to my superior and excuse myself from work for the day. But there's this thing due on Monday, I promised to go to lunch with the nice ladies at work, plus I had a meeting with HR scheduled at 2 PM. The meeting will determine my fate and the procedure of going back to Indonesia, and as an OCD planner that I am, I JUST REALLY NEEDED TO KNOW. The train came. I stood in the crowd near the door, kept my head down, controlled my breathing while repeating positive thoughts in my mind.

I made it to the office although with very little to no motivation to work all day. All I could think of is : I want to take a nap!!! I figured it's that time of the month again : my PMS. It's as they say, it really has gotten so much more awful in your 30s. It has been happening for a while so I anticipated it to come each month. But since it passed my estimated date, I simply thought 'oh, maybe this month it's not going to be as horrible as before'. Man, I was wrong.

It also shows different symptoms each time? Sometimes the joint pain is so unbearable I can't even get myself out of bed, sometimes the headache is worse, but it was never a blackout. This was the first time. But each time there's always cold sweat accompanied by panic attack for knowing something is really wrong. If I'm lucky it happens on weekends so I can just rest, or at least very early in the morning on a weekday so I have enough time to contact the office for a day off. It's the second time I had to get off the train because of these PMS related symptoms/attacks.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-05-10 03:04 pm
Entry tags:

Japan Tour

I don't know why this keeps happening to me, but eventually everyone is touring everywhere so it make sense for our existence to be in the same city at some point. I just got into this fandom a couple of months ago, right. And then I found out that they're coming for The Wings Tour Japan Edition starting at the end of May. They will perform 22 times in Japan alone and there are 3 dates for Tokyo greater area (Saitama). Now what do I do? I'm really conflicted and it's not about the money. I think as long as it's under $300 it's something I can afford, but do I really want to go? Will this worth it?

Pros :
- I will get to experience a K-Pop concert in Japan for the first time
- I will get to experience a stadium concert and know what it's like
- I will get to see them live

Cons :
- I will be there alone in the sea of East Asian teenagers
- That will trigger my anxiety for sure
- Undetermined seating and the uncertainty of whether we'll be able to see them or not
- THE HORROR : They will sing Japanese versions instead of original Korean ones
- Lost of money
- I will be traumatized of something
- I will lose passion in the fandom after this milestone

Okay, even worse, I just found out that they're doing a fan event at Roppongi Hills this afternoon. It's within walking distance from my office. But it's limited event just for the people who purchased the CDs, get lottery numbers and won the lottery. I've never been in a fanmeeting before and I'm not sure if I want to be there? What do people do there? Handshake? High five? Ask them to sign our copy? Tell them cheesy lines like 'you make me happy'?? I meant, I don't even know what language to use if I were there, I can't speak Korean. The Korean meetings always seem to be fun judging from fan accounts and fan taken photos/videos. But Japanese ones will be much more strict. No photos, no videos, everything is restricted.

Hmmm my boss just called me for the first time this month and he was asking about details of my return to Indonesia. I've been mentally preparing for going back, but with this talk everything is now official. I feel like all of a sudden it just dawned on me that I have less than two months left here. I don't care about anything else, I need to prepare!
taxcha: (Default)
2017-04-28 10:34 am
Entry tags:

word vomit

I didn't get enough sleep and was late to the office again today (my boss noticed, too). I haven't taken care of myself well the last several days. I didn't eat properly, my house is a total mess with a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, pile of clothes on the floor, and many other trash scattered across the room. I used to have time in the morning to prepare for coffee and my lunch box to bring to the office, but I haven't been doing that for more than a week. I tried to do something to fix my life last night and I remember I put 3 pairs of shoes that had been on my doorway for a while, into the cupboard finally. It felt really hard to do. I remember I did eat dinner unlike the other days where I only feed myself with a bag of chips, some chocolates and youtube videos. I remember I slept at 2 AM, which is ... better than 4 AM.

I am distraught. I knew I would end up feeling like shit at work whenever I'm obsessed with something or found a new fandom to dig in. I tried to put my fandom dosage intake on a halt last weekend (... or two weekends before this? Memories are starting to blur together), but it felt really, really empty and sad. it felt like there was a hole in my heart. I felt like I was living a fake life creating a distance with something that I'm in love so much with and makes me happy. I didn't watch one video, I didn't even listen to their songs even if they're playing in the back of my mind and I kept humming the tunes. While I could function, it pains me to do that. I felt empty. I don't know what this is, it's an addiction I keep on feeding even though I know it's ruining my life. It's a distraction. I'm constantly thinking and worrying about life, so when these little kids, this fandom could make me laugh and forget about my problems, I could at least enjoy that feeling even for a short time. It is however, never 'a short time'. What was a 2 minutes video lead to hours of time on a night's end. That couple of minutes, or seconds, even, amuse me so much I keep on replaying it, again, again and again. There are so many things to learn! So many things to watch! So many things I need to know about these people!

Until a while ago I had dreams of traveling more, exploring parks and gardens, taking pictures of beautiful flowers, go to hobby show and hunt for local post office postcards. I had a goal to rank higher on postcrossing by the time I come back home. Now, that passion is almost completely gone. I couldn't care less about any and everything, I just want to be home watching my babies. I will be content as long as I have electricity, my computer, and a working internet connection. This is... exactly the same as my condition years ago when I was trapped in fascination of my first ever fandom. It was too exciting, too thrilling, I wouldn't want to miss a single second of it. I didn't eat, I didn't go out, I didn't do chores, it was ... not really living and yet it was one of the most exciting times in my fandom life.

thoughts about past fandom )
taxcha: (Default)
2017-04-26 04:40 pm
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Gold and gems

Being a new fan 4 years after a band's debut means I have massive amount of materials to catch up with the whole fandom. The downside is, it could be a little overwhelming. The good thing is, I kept finding gold and gems while digging. While they're old, the entertainment value doesn't drop and each gem just makes me fall in love with the boys over and over again.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-04-24 01:58 pm
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Like I wrote in my previous post, I finally succumbed to it : yes my bias is V. He's super cute I couldn't resist! I've been watching V-centric videos all weekend and I'm still thirsty for more. He's all I could think about.

Just V
His behavior in general seems to be this crazy, hyper kid, but gets shy easily as well. From all the videos of him that I've watched, I've never gotten any negative vibe from him except from when he's very sleepy/just a little cranky - pouty. Even when Jungkook teased him as he was sleeping in between performances, in the end he was just reacting by smiling super cutely. I mean IDK, if I were an idol running on sleep deprived days and someone annoys me in the middle of that very limited time that I got to sleep, I might beat the hell out of them.

There's this one video that I'm crazy about right now - it's one of those backstage variety videos from music shows that they record and broadcast before an artist's performance. At the end of the section there's a random dance break with one member doing dance moves in the center and all the others making like a tight wall around that one person - staying still and keeping their faces as expressionless as possible. At first they showed J-Hope singing happy birthday to himself while dancing frantically and the kids were reacting with tiny chuckles, after that was RapMon's turn, which was more than a little cringey. And then there's V doing his crazy, high energy moves and shouts when all of the sudden, he slaps all the members in a circular motion as part of his dance INTENTIONALLY. He's crazy! In a culture that respects hierarchy so much you have to address anyone older than you with an honorific and polite language, V, the second youngest member of the group managed to slap all of the members ON CAMERA. Everyone burst into laugh and tiny little 16 yr-old Jungkook was so amused he was still rolling on the floor laughing - literally - even after everyone had left the space. It was super cute. And V was a cute tiny little bean back then, too (this was from 2014).

To mention facts about V is easy :
- He loves the members
- He loves dogs/animals
- He loves kids/babies
- He loves his family (his grandma, especially)
- He loves ARMY so much
- He loves pokemon
- He loves food
- He loves to play

My heart melts into mush seeing how his Hwarang hyungs treat him. They all just love him so much! And what is there not to love, he is super cute, very sociable, charming, adorable, very active, positive and loving. I didn't watch the whole show, just (obviously) Hansung cuts here and there, promo vids, behind the scenes and interviews. All the other cast members seem to have positive things to say about our adorable little V. To be honest, at first I was concerned when I found out Tae's drama debut was a period drama. I've always thought that if an idol would debut in a television drama, the easy and obvious choice would be school love story. Period drama could be very tricky especially for young, newbie actors. There's this historical portrayal, the language must be different, with soo many other challenges like costumes, settings, required martial arts skills and physical strength, etc. Also, if not made well, it surely would flop HARD (the mental image of low budget Indonesian period dramas makes me shudder). I'm also not sure about the popularity of period drama (esp in East Asia), but drama with modern settings and conflicts seem to be much more relatable and easier to swallow by general viewers.

HOWEVER. This Hansung character in Hwarang. Wow, I'm speechless. I don't know how the agency managed to get it for him, but it was THE PERFECT ROLE for V. Taetae was super super cute in his Hansung getup. I've always loved longer hair on anyone, so YES to long hair Taetae. He looked super super cute, the character is perfect for him; young, mischievous, but also loving, cute and a little spoiled. His acting was great, and he easily made a whole new connections with all these actors, many of them with much longer career in the entertainment industry. I feel really happy for him for getting to experience this.
taxcha: (Default)
2017-04-21 11:54 am
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It's official now

For a while now I couldn't decide who my bias would be in bts. The ones I'm intrigued the most are (if it's not obvious) Suga, V, Jimin, Jungkook. I was really curious about the members' popularity level, who is the most popular? What pairing is the most popular? After some research and looking at more evidences, V seems to be the most popular, followed by Jungkook and Jimin. It left me wonder why the youngest members in the group are almost always the most popular ones. But again, are they? I'm not an expert at all in KPop fandom. Not sure about the most popular OTP, but guessing from popularity level, then it must be vkook, right?

New comments on the members after more observation :
Jin : Like I said before, something is off with him that makes him unsympathetic. He's handsome, yes, but his personality gives an arrogant vibe? IDK. It is too obvious that he's very proud of his looks. He speaks a lot in bts videos but not outside his comfort zones like during variety etc. Also (other than solos obviously) why does Jin always get less part than anybody else, both in singing and being center in dance formations? This makes me question, is it because he's not talented enough?

Suga : I think Suga is very talented. Other than making music he also do photography and edits, and he is really good at being an MC. He probably would prefer to be on his own than in an idol group. He just doesn't match the type. He seems so over being in variety shows that meant to ridicule idols and be stupid in general.

J-Hope : J-Hope, I think his bubbly personality is charming, and he performs well both dancing and singing. He seems to be someone who is fun to be around. He is scared of EVERYTHING. Except for humans.

RapMon : RapMon is alright. I notice how other members are respecting him as the group leader. He seems to be very talented in creating music and lyrics, we can feel his passion. Being the leader, he seems to be very articulate and his voice is really nice to hear.

Jimin : I just lately realized that Jimin is the same age as V and was in the same class in High School. He was a little chubby and was in his weird puberty period when they debuted, but my God, Blood Sweat and Tears era was a turning point. He clearly was the star of that MV. He seems humble, kind and loving. Has soccer player thighs.

V : Tae is just wacky. Like I wrote before, I thought he's doing all the weird stuff to attract attention because he thinks he's cute. But after it turns out, 1) he doesn't think he's cute 2) he's not doing this for attention, he's just wacky. He's always hyper with so much energy. He doesn't care about his looks which is why he often ends up in a very unfortunate fashion situation, and he intentionally make weird/ugly face selfies with the camera being positioned too close to the face. Anyone narcissistic (*cough* Jin *cough*) would NEVER do that, and would never publish anything they look weird/ugly in. V doesn't care, which only makes him much more likeable and approachable. He also ... is almost always be the one who initiate physical contact with other members/people/animal/plushies/anything in general - I guess he loves hugs and cuddles - which makes him even more adorable. He has a lot of charm that I can't help but being drawn to him.

Jungkook : He's a little baby. Looking at his face pre-plastic surgery predebut thrown me off a little, but he is such a lovable personality and like I said, he's grown to be a very handsome man. He loves his hyungs, when teases them and no one can be angry at him because he is just too cute & adorable. He's always happily smiling and seems to be a presence loved by everyone in the group (and fans). He's a good, talented, obedient kid.
taxcha: (Zelo | v)
2017-04-17 04:25 pm
Entry tags:

My weekend was ... okay?

On Friday we had a dinner party with members of my division which I've always been reluctant about. I'm too awkward for these social events among Japanese, I don't drink, I have a strict diet, I'm not funny, I never know what to say and I never got all the jokes. The first hour was bearable, I enjoyed watching them having fun. But after 1.5 hours... and then past 2 hours time, I grew restless, I kept rubbing the skin on my arm while praying that someone will finally wrap the party up SO I CAN GO HOME. I miss my boys. I kept thinking about BTS the whole time. I went home with one other lady from the division, and unfortunately we were going the same direction. When she got off the train first, I rushed to find my MP3 player to listen to BTS like an addict on withdrawal.

On Saturday I had plans with my friend Christine who is visiting Japan with her family. She said she'll be done taking her family to imperial palace at around 9, so hopefully we could meet at around 10. The place we wanted to visit isn't far from my place, and I wanted to learn it beforehand so I will have some rough image about where we're going and what to do there. So I got out of my house at around 9 (I don't remember exactly), and wander around the area following google map's direction while taking pictures of flowers in front of people's houses like a creepy, suspicious person that I am. I decided to just walk to Nippori Station where we should be meeting even though there's quite a distance from my house (probably around 30 minutes walk). But the weather was nice, the air was clear, and it's nice to bask in sunshine every once in a while (yes, I applied my sun screen). I walked around, saw so many beautiful plants and flowers, and the place was actually quite nice. It was calm, peaceful, surrounded by nature with some people taking their cute dog(s) for a walk. The place was not swarmed by tourists unlike the most popular spots in town.

However, after walking for a while, I still haven't gotten any messages from Christine and it's already past 11. I grew impatient and felt a bit tired after walking, too. Turns out her family was leaving the hotel much later than she estimated. We met at 12, we ate at a restaurant near the station and had a great talk catching up with everything. We started walking from the cemetery and right from the get go Christine LOVED the place. It really was nice. There are some visitors and tourists, but it's not jam-packed like most popular tourist attractions. It's not a garden per se, but the amount and many types of flowers they have were amazing. We took photos of the flowers and scenery and Christine couldn't stop gushing about how cute the place is.

We stopped at an old Japanese traditional house re-functioned as a cafe and spent quite some time there drinking coffee and creme brule. We visited another old house (said to be 120 years old!) re-purposed as an exhibition space. We saw a shooting star while walking around! We went to Nezu shrine. Initially I wanted to see the Azalea festival, but it was starting to get darker when we got there and only a small portion of the Azaleas were blooming so we only looked at it from afar and decided not to get in. While walking back to the station, we found Yanaka Ginza, it was nice but again, it was getting dark and some of the stores were closing. But the scene was beautiful. We took pictures of the Yuyake-dandan steps with sunset sky in the background. After that, we went to Shinjuku because Christine wanted to visit Tokyu Hands in Takashimaya. To be honest I was dead tired then from being outside all day, but I decided to accompany her anyway. We separated as she got on a taxi heading to her hotel.

On Sunday, I decided to get my life together like a normal, responsible, functioning adult so I stayed at home. I washed 2 loads of laundry and folded everything that has been on my apartment floor for weeks. I felt like I did pretty good. Oh also, one other significant thing I decided to do was to stay away from Bangtan. I knew I will get too hyped and crazy when I start doing anything involving them so I stayed away from even listening to their songs (although they're playing in my head). I was afraid that I'm going to waste away my weekend again doing nothing and continue living half life dwelling in this filthy, messy place. I had Netflix on all day, playing something I knew wouldn't take up too much of my attention because I needed to do CHORES. It was a thriller tv series called Slasher. It was nothing brilliant or original, but watchable (small town, murders connected to 7 deadly sins, etc). The point of all thriller movies/series is the reveal of who the murderer actually is, which will always be the big ending, so the middle part was just unimportant fillers intended to make us question every single character on the show. In the end I managed to clean my room, wash laundry & dishes, and also finally wrote/decorate some of the postcards for postcrossing I've put off for more than a week (I lost a little bit of my postcrossing passion because of my brand new Bangtan obsession).

I tried to sleep early but had difficulties falling asleep (again) so I popped a sleeping pill for the first time. I've had sleeping problems for a while (not that severe, but I often have trouble falling asleep ended up sleep deprived and feeling miserable the next day), but I was really paranoid about taking sleeping pills. When I was in Jakarta, after many sleep deprived days, I went to the drug store to buy them. I talked to the drug store shop keeper, I mentioned I've never taken a sleeping pill before, I asked her which one should I take. I went with her recommendation which she said is herbal so it's not supposed to be that strong. I took one pill at 8 PM that night and it completely knocked me out. I woke up the next day struggling to even stand up, like I was paralyzed! I was trying to get ready for work, but my body wouldn't cooperate so I text my boss saying I'm taking the day off. I slept through the whole day and woke up again in the afternoon. I gathered all the strengths that I had to get out of the apartment and get food. Even at 6 PM (after sleeping for 22 hours) the effect was still quite strong and it was still really, really hard for me to walk. I was traumatized! I told my mom, my sister and my friends about the horrifying experience and they all told me not to take that pill ever again (duh). Ever since, no matter how difficult it was for me to fall asleep, I've never taken a single pill. Until a couple of months ago when I told a nurse at my office health clinic that I've had trouble sleeping for a while now, but am afraid of sleeping pills because of my experience with one. She told me there are types of sleeping pills with small dosage designed to help you sleep, but won't make your body feels heavy the next day. I went to a doctor describing that drug to get it prescribed. I've had them in my possession for months now, but I kept hesitating to take them even when I've been tossing and turning in my bed for hours, still afraid of the effect. Anyway, finally last night I took one. I prepared myself mentally for a worst case scenario, that I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning and had to take another rest day. But today I woke up earlier than usual even with less than the ideal 8 hours sleep, feeling fresh and awake. The sun was shining, I had time to prepare for my lunch box and coffee, and I wasn't late to work. I guess it worked great!