18 November 2015 @ 10:03 am
And I didn't like it. I mainly went to see it because it's my movie night with my siblings, sometimes they come up with a movie they think we need to watch and then we go to the cinema to see it. I love going out with them since I don't have many chances like that. Especially, yesterday was a family dinner and movie. November 13 was my parents' anniversary and my sister thought it's a good idea to buy them flowers, ask them to dinner and movie. In the end I paid for everything but okay...

Anyway! Spectre. Man, maybe I'm just not a fan of Bond movies. The movie is very beautiful to look at, great cars, exciting cities and locations, but the plot is weak. I feel like they blow up things for the sake of showing how great of an action movie this is, without any significance in the plot.

The first 10 minutes in, I felt like I'm in hell. The story of fighting one person took forever! Also my sister said it's a Bond thing, but what the eff is with that long credit before the movie even started? I kept waiting for a plot to follow but this movie gives me... nothing. I felt nothing towards the characters (except maybe Q because he's cute and geeky), I felt like the sex scenes, the explosions, have not enough reason to happen. Also Lea Seydoux (?) is too young for Daniel Craig. Seriously. He could be her father.

I didn't like it and if there are more Bond movies in the future, maybe I should skip them as well.
Current Mood: awake
18 September 2015 @ 05:03 pm
For the past three weeks, my life has been a living hell. A friend of mine offered a translation job, which I accepted with great joy. I do freelance translation jobs all the time, and this particular friend has given me many opportunities in the past which I am very grateful for.

But turns out this project is TERRIBLE. The work is not only much more difficult than expected, but also very complicated. The agent that gave us this job is asking for progress EVERY.SINGLE.DAY like a debt collector and we only realized later how we are very much underpaid. The workload is simply too much and isn't worth the money. I have a full time job and I still have to work on this after my 9-5. I've been working round the clock with very little to no time to rest and do anything else. I'm so stressed. I told my friend that I'm dropping out because this is too crazy, and she begged me not to. And now I'm trapped in this awful project which is still continuing for a couple of weeks ahead.

This is crazy. The money isn't even that good, I hate this job.
Current Mood: stressed
11 September 2015 @ 11:59 am
I feel like I don't want to work. I'm tired.
I don't want to work anymore. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be trapped in this stupid cubicle for 8 hours every fucking day. I'm sure every single person who had worked a desk job feels the same way for at least once in their cubicle life.

Or maybe I'm just tired. I'm sleep deprived. Maybe I'm just stressed out from this never ending translation project which turned out to be more difficult than I had expected. Maybe I got moody because of the negative emails I read when I just turned on my computer this morning. Possibly the fact that the nicest and most reliable person at Head Quarter who trained me just told me that she's quitting the company by the end of the month caught me off guard.

But maybe ... only because it's Friday and my work motivation on Fridays has always been lower than any other days.

Maybe I just need a vacation.

Or maybe, it is time to depart from here and start a new adventure.
Current Mood: grumpy
10 June 2015 @ 09:51 pm
I've been sneezing like crazy since a couple of weeks ago, I kept thinking that it's flu symptom and I'm about to be sick. But no. I've always known that I'm allergic to something in the air, and I've always thought it's dust/dust mites but again, for this case, no. My allergy always worsens during summer in Japan, and dry season here, when it's hot and the air is much more humid. But I can't be allergic to heat or humidity and today I realized the culprit is mold. God damn it.

My apartment room is so tiny and it has no window that connects me to the outside world/fresh air. There is one tiny window for ventilation, when I open it I can only see a wall and the air coming from there is not fresh either. I'm mostly out all day for work, the ac is off, the air doesn't flow for at least 9 hours every day, the air is hot and humid and it's the perfect recipe for MOLD. Fucking mold. I put lots of cheap, small, temporary dehumidifiers (I don't know what it's called in English), but they run out so fast and today I could smell MOLD. I need electric air humidifier but it's expensive. But I don't want to continue living like this so I guess I'll think about it :/
Current Mood: sick
08 May 2015 @ 06:22 pm
I just blew up and cursed out loud at the office. In front of everyone. That's something I've never done before and I myself was shocked with what happened. I'm taking the whole next week off, I really, really don't want to be bothered work related thoughts during my time off. I've finished EVERYTHING, even next week's portion to make sure I don't leave anything unfinished behind. I'm a responsible person! I'm a good employee! But just before I go home today, I got an email from head office about an application I've submitted since last week. I dislike the way they blamed me for the incomplete application when no one ever explained anything to me. Ever. I dislike Japanese work ethic that requires you to apologize and hang your head low when anyone points out your mistakes even though the whole system is at fault. I'm furious that this simple code application spiralled into something I never expected it to be, and I couldn't get my job done because of it. I was so angry!

I guess I have to be grateful that I was given the chance to feel what I felt. To learn and grow more. I'm still immature and emotional sometimes, and it seems like I was refusing to acknowledge my weakness the whole time. I tend to run away from things I don't understand because I don't want to look stupid and incapable. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe it was my pms.

I want to be a better person.
Current Mood: frustrated
05 May 2015 @ 05:59 pm
It feels like it's been months since we last saw Tao performs with EXO (which was the comeback stage), and after dragging forever it seems like today it has became clearer that he's not coming back. I thought I would know how I'd feel when yet another member decides to leave the group but alas, I don't. It's a mixed feeling of sadness and grief that the group faces another loss of member, pity for Tao because of how much injuries he had suffered, but also relief that he is now free to take time to heal and choose activities that will not aggravate his injuries. I don't know. I believe happiness is everything. If you don't feel happy with they way things are, with your life, with your job, then you need to do something about it. In Tao's case though, he loves the group so much and he didn't want to leave, but how the company treated him and his body up to the point of no repair is just wrong. I understand how his father talked him into sense that this can't go on. If I were a parent I probably would do the same, no parents want to see their child suffers.

EXO 12 was so happy, young, beautiful, and it was a good memory, but I do believe EXO 9 can do just as good if not already much better. Other groups lost members and they still can shine bright. Things just went out of control with EXO, they get so popular so fast, and in some cases (like Kris and Luhan), I think they've unintentionally became bigger than the group, the group can no longer contain them. Nobody predicted this. That is why they survive just fine without the management/the group.
Current Mood: sad
24 April 2015 @ 02:08 pm
I need to control my anger. Seriously everything in this city pisses me off. Today me and Dhani headed to Nanny's Pavillon on the 2nd floor. It's a place we go to quite regularly, we love the food. However, today they messed up and somehow the system didn't record our orders. All the other customers who came after us already got their food while we continued waiting. It was already 12:45, just 15 minutes to the end of our lunch break when they asked us 'what was your order again?'. WTF!!! Ten minutes later we told them if they haven't cooked it yet, we'll leave because it's almost 1 o'clock and we have to get back to the office. The person told us to wait for 2 more minutes. In the end, Dhani got her food and I didn't get mine until 13:17, DEAD HUNGRY AND ANGRY RAAAHHH. I went to the counter and asked them to wrap my food because there's no time to eat. They apologized saying that it's a system error that our orders wasn't recorded. GAAAH I WAS SO ANGRY I HAD HEADACHE. And now I'm eating out of a styrofoam box in the pantry of my office. This was not what I imagined my lunch would be.
Current Mood: enraged
19 April 2015 @ 03:42 am

Entry for [ profile] gameofcards
Challenge 008 : Movie Review

20, Once Again! (2015)
Cast : Yang Zishan, Grace Kuei, Bolin Chen, Lu Han
Director : Leste Chen
Genre : Drama Comedy

20, Once Again! is a Mandarin remake of Korean box office movie ‘Miss Granny’. The movie tells a story of Shen Mengjun, a 70 year old widow who got transformed into her 20-year-old self after a visit to a mysterious photo studio.

Plot : (Warning : Spoiler-ish)
Shen Mengjun lives with her son Guobin, daughter in law Yangqin, and twin grandchildren. Mengjun faced a family conflict as Yangqin fell ill from stress because of the pressure Mengjun always put on her. The family has agreed to temporarily send Mengjun to a nursing home until Yangqin’s condition is better. Heartbroken Mengjun visited a photo studio one night and magically transformed into her 20 year-old self. She then went on adventures which she gave up when she was young to take care of her son. How will this adventure end for Mengjun?

The movie shows actual hardships of a modern Chinese family of 3 generations living together. The movie has a perfect balance of comedy and heartwarming scenes. As the story centers on singing and music, the soundtrack plays an important part and the movie is filled with many great, entertaining songs.

Yang Zishan plays the character of young Mengjun, and did a wonderful job in portraying the character. She is young and very pretty, but perfectly translating the gestures and character of a grandmother. Yang Zishan also sings most of the soundtrack songs for the movie herself, making the character more believable. 20, Once Again! is the first movie for Luhan, who was known as a former member of one of the most popular Korean idol groups, EXO. He plays the grandson character called Xiang Qianjin which fits his persona perfectly. Qianjin is a young man who is passionate in music and has the dream to make it big in the music industry.

The movie runs for 131 minutes long, which some people might feel too long, but the pace is just enough for the viewers to understand the emotion of the characters. If you like family drama / comedy, this will be a fun movie for you to watch.

4.5 / 5 Stars
Current Mood: okay
16 April 2015 @ 04:58 pm
This is super late post but I didn't have a lot of chances to blog last month so I will write it now.

long rambling ahead! )

The next week after an exhausting internal audit at the office I asked my co-worker Dhani to watch it again with me. I had a feeling that she'd LOVE it. The theater was empty beside us and a lady with her kid but I don't mind that a bit. I love it. After the second time I still love it. Dhani laughed like a crazy person and she LOVED IT SO MUCH.

We also got paper fan of the movie poster and Lulu on the back which I shamelessly put on my cubicle at work. I don't even care. He's pretty and looking at him makes me happy.

Another thing I did not expect: I got obsessed with the Xiang twins.


more )

WHAT THE HELL. They're so cute! They look alike! How did they even find these casts, like seriously??? I don't know but I always think it's cute how people that are not related have similar face. I think this was also the reason why I fell in love with HunHan. I'm immediately OBSESSED.

In conclusion, if there is ever a perfect first movie for Lulu, this was it. It was perfection all around. The character he plays fits him perfectly. It was directed by a young, talented Taiwanese director, all the casts are just perfect for their characters! It's an adaptation from a Korean movie so it reached the K-lovers audience but at the same time spreads to mainstream people who doesn't even follow hallyu. I don't have any complaints. It's beautiful. I would watch it over and over again.
Current Mood: chipper
01 April 2015 @ 10:09 am
Yesterday EXO released their latest MV which is Call Me Baby and I finally realized where I stand with EXO post-Luhan's exit. I haven't written about it here, last time I only said I was going to stop stanning Luhan at that point because it was too painful.

In October last year I took everything EXO related off my daily life, livejournal notifications, tumblr updates on my phone, I stayed away from anything that reminds me of Lulu for a while. One day I was casually browsing Omona when I saw it : Rumor post of Luhan's exit from EXO. My heart skipped a beat and I did not know what to feel at that point but in my heart, I know the possibility of this rumor coming true is high. Within the next days we got the confirmation that it is true. Everything makes sense now, his hospital visit, his travel arrangement which has been different from other members for a while, his last goodbye on Beijing stage, his swollen face on the last day of the concert .... The puzzles are coming together for me. I did not dwell into the shitstorm as much as I did when Kris left, because as a Luhan stan I know I don't want to face the negativity. Now Lulu is the traitor. Now Lulu is the backstabber who leaves the company after he gains fame. But I do know in my heart that I still want to support the kid.

Soon after, I managed to get over things and accept Lulu and EXO as two different entities and I got back to my normal stanning mode. I follow the news etc, the usual. Lulu was resting a lot, I did not see much of him really, compared to the days he was with EXO. We used to know where he is every goddamn day. I was so relieved when we finally saw him buying coffee in Beijing. I'm happy that he is home. I'm content with the fact that he is now able to make decisions for himself and got his best friend, someone who cares about him a lot, as his manager.

I'm enjoying his cute little updates here and there, and I was SUPER excited that his film was being screened here at local theaters, I went to watch it two times. He's still the cutest and the most precious thing in the world to me. I was excited about EXO's comeback, too. I think the teasers were cool and I purchased the album as soon as it was available on iTunes. That was until yesterday, when they released the MV of Call Me Baby. I immediately watched the MV. I love it. I love the song, the concept, the outfit, the hair, I love everything about it except the fact that Lulu is no longer part of the group. If I were in the stages of grief, I'm in stage three which is bargaining. In my heart I kept thinking "... if only Lulu is still in the group, he would look so cool in these outfits", "... if only Lulu is still in EXO I would be much more interested in this MV and comeback" etc. But you know, I'm a grown ass person and I'm fully aware that Lulu is now happy and safe at home with lots of other cool opportunities and that's just the best for him.

As for EXO, without Lulu in the group I realized that they now had become just another K-Pop boy group to me. If Lulu were still in the group, I would be purchasing both versions, listening to Lulu's parts, following all the news and concerts, downloading the MV and analyzing it frame by frame, purchasing multiple physical copies, making icons of the new teasers and lots of other stan activities. Now, I watched the MV once. It's great, but that's enough for me. I only have digital Korean version of the album and I'm even going to get rid some of the songs that I don't really like without feeling guilty. I do have slight fanatism for SM boy groups, so the excitement level is probably the same as if Super Junior or SHINee has a comeback and the song is good.

Many months ago, I asked myself in my post about Kris's exit, what would I do if Lulu decides to quit EXO, at that time I did not know what I'd do. I did not even want to think of the possibility for it to come true. But now I know. Fandoms, nationality, country, language, nothing really matters to me. I'm a Lulu stan. No matter what he decides to do, I will continue to support him.

(until I found something else to obsess about and I lost interest in him, that is)
Tags: ,
Current Mood: sleepy
17 March 2015 @ 06:15 pm
Yesterday I wrote in my icon post but I haven't wrote it here, my laptop broke. I guess it's something to do with the defunct backlight of the LCD which makes it very very dark even when the computer is on. Which is... frustrating. I brought it to the service center and they said that it's the LCD so they have to change the whole screen and it will cost me $130. I don't want to pay for this!

The laptop itself is not that old, almost 2 years but I read that it's a common problem on thin laptops/ultrabooks monitor. I guess that's the price we pay for that thinness!

I'm frustrated. I'm PC-less, I'm tired and feeling lethargic all the time, I don't know what I'd do without a PC in my room. I get to use work computer in daytime but right after work my choices are down to my phone or the tv (oh the horror).

This makes me really want a new computer, something great with a big screen. But it's not my priority at the moment. I'll think of it.
Current Mood: lethargic
03 March 2015 @ 10:33 pm
I've honestly been underestimating Paperclip all this time! Paperclip is basically a local stationery store which can be found in malls or in office buildings. It's dull. After living in Japan, I DESPISE stationery stores here because they're so dull. Japan is HEAVEN for stationery lovers. I dislike Paperclip because the store looks like a warehouse. It's awful and makes me not wanting to go in and everything that they sell just looks like crap. I just don't like it!!!

However, I really needed an A5 binder last weekend to re-organize my clear stamps. We went to Kelapa Gading Mall, I was looking for HSBC counter to redeem my points into shopping vouchers. My mom was shopping for clothes at a bazaar right in the center of MKG 3, and right in front of the bazaar, was Paperclip. I went in thinking that I'll just quickly grab an A5 binder and go straight to the cash register but... I was mesmerized by a whole aisle of Liquitex goods. I've never seen this many of them, there are EVERYTHING. I was particularly intrigued with liquid acrylic what the hell are those?? Mediums, gels, gesso, clear gesso, palette knifes, everything that aren't easy to find in regular stationery stores. I've seen Liquitex being used a lot by American Mixed Media Artists, but I've never encountered them even in bigger stationery stores like Gramedia. I don't think I've seen them in the one art store with the most comprehensive variety of things 'Toko Prapatan', either. WOW.

I really want to try gouache and haven't found them yet and there were so. many. types. of gouache. there! I couldn't believe it. They have some on their discount rack with very low price. Granted, it's Chinese brand and it's probably low quality, but I'm an amateur so I don't need anything fancy. I just need something to try out with and see if gouache is for me, so I bought a set of Taiwanese gouache with a cute pink box. I got 18 colors in tiny tubes and the result is great! Very vibrant just like I how I love my paint :3 Also they got neon pink, I never can resist anything that comes in neon pink.

Current Mood: artsy
03 March 2015 @ 06:00 pm
Normally it starts airing in January but this year it has been pushed back to March. I've been waiting forever! I'm so excited!! This reality show is my biggest guilty pleasure ever.

I watched the teasers and interviews on youtube and also the first episode sans judging and elimination, and my early favorites are; Max, Violet, Katya, Pearl. When I was researching about season 7, I was super intrigued about Miss Fame and watched a bunch of videos of her. I found her very pretty and fascinating back then, but now, IDK her face is a bit boring and though androgynous and polished, but looks manly (probably because of the jawline) and basically the same face every time (especially after looking at so many photos and videos of hers). I mean unlike MY QUEEN Raja who could show up with distinctly different look/face every time.

I LOVE Max and Violet's Fall look! Dang, girl! Although Violet does come off like a cocky young queen from the first ep. Let's see if she's going to be annoying fast. LaGanja was my early favorite last season because she's pretty but boy she has insufferable personality.

I love how unusual Max is, she's pretty and polished, yet so pale and weird and unique and in her own world. Both as a boy and as a queen. We've seen 7 seasons worth of drag queens but she's nothing we've ever seen before so I'm really really intrigued. We just wonder what she'd do next and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Also she's super tall. I have a thing for skinny tall people. Also, based on what people has been buzzing on the internet, she's one of the mysterious queens with no traces online, makes us wonder what more can she offer.

Aaaaah so excited! I'm getting the episodes today and will watch them tonight!

People are talking about how disappointed they are that Untucked was moved to YouTube and no longer airs on TV. To me personally, I don't watch the show on TV anyway so this makes no difference whatsoever. If it's on YouTube now then I just hope that they make the videos available for international viewers. Also, I'm not here for the dramas/catfights so if that's where they going for Untucked, I would not bother.
Current Mood: excited
23 February 2015 @ 12:37 pm
Feb 19th (Chinese New Year) was a national holiday here, and I took a day off on the 20th so that I could get a long(er) holiday/weekend. I went home in the morning on the 19th and that day I immediately did some re-organization of me and my brother's room because I've been feeling so inspired to clean after marathoning Compulsive Obsessive Cleaners on YouTube. I didn't clean EVERYTHING, but I managed to get rid of the clothes rack hanger that has been bothering me for a while. My mom insisted for us to have one in our room. It stood right in front of the window, the room lack of fresh air and sunlight because I couldn't open it. After some re-organization the room feels fresh and more spacious! I only need to buy some box-shaped shelf to help organize the stash of things left in corners of the room. I also managed to finish some of my swap-bot swaps that almost due.

Feb 20-22 log )

And today, the 23rd, I'm still feeling soooo tired! It was really really hard fighting the urge to just take a half day off to sleep more this morning. I'm proud with so many things that I achieved during the long holiday, but I really wish I had more time.
Current Mood: tired
15 January 2015 @ 08:08 pm
Aand ramble start!

I just experienced the worst ever online purchase. It was a pre-order for washi tapes. This is definitely a FAIL purchase. First of all, the customer service person is stupid. I need to explain several times about a very simple misunderstanding. She offered me lots of other tapes outside of my order, I chose 2 and when the package arrived, the 2 wasn't there. And 3 of the tapes weren't the ones I wanted. I protested, saying that I did not order these 3. She was rude. As a customer service you would know to talk (or type) more politely and to make your customers happy and satisfied with your store. She accused that I was wrong. I couldn't accept this accusation so I went to prove it and checked the site. Turns out I WAS wrong. I input the wrong codes for 1 of the tape and I couldn't find the other 2. I said okay, then just refund me the 2 that was not sent. SHE STILL WENT ON IT AND SAID THAT I WAS WRONG. She mentioned that all of the tapes I ordered are still on the site and I should check again. Lady, I already admitted that I was wrong and I'll wait for my refund, and you're still blaming me? WTF. I ordered stuff for more than 60 dollars and this is the type of customer service you have? This person is crazy. This purchase is a super fail. Even more reasons :

1. Stupid, impolite customer service
2. Inconsistent shape, size and length of the tapes
3. Many of them are in bad shape / cut / quality
4. For these garbage? The price is FUCKING EXPENSIVE

Seriously, I'd rather buy mts (it's a Japanese washi tape brand) which are super expensive here but after the pain going through this purchase, I'd rather go broke for buying more mts than sacrifice my sanity for these stupid shit. I will use them, still, and probably just toss the three that I didn't intend to order in the first place.

I was so angry, so aggravated about this person and purchase, I went online to purchase even MORE washi tapes FROM JAPAN this time. Japan tapes are awesome. The quality is consistent, they carefully package everything to make sure nothing is broken. They are honest people unlike many Chinese shops. I bought more washi tapes in the last 2 months than I purchase anything else.

I already have TONs of them. I don't know this customer service lady, nor she will ever know or meet me, ever. I don't understand why I felt like I need to prove to her that I'm someone to be reckoned with just because I am able to buy so much tapes. Because I'm more educated and articulate. This is stupid. Part of me was just trying to calm myself and justify my fail purchase with EVEN MORE purchase. Doesn't make any sense.

I'm supposed to be saving. In fact, I just made a goal chart for my saving for this year. It's only January and already, I broke my own promise not to shop excessively.

If any, the lesson here is not to order from there ever again.
We don't need to prove anything to anyone.

PS. The new tapes I'm ordering are super awesome though
Current Mood: confused
07 October 2014 @ 05:47 pm
So ever since I decided to leave the fandom, I was looking for something to obsess about. I thought it's a good thing to try to go back to Japanese stuff/drama to brush my rusty Japanese skill, so I scoured my HDD to find something. Somehow I was inclined to re-watch Rookies because I was pretty impressed with Sato Takeru's acting in Rurouni Kenshin. They said the second part will be showing on Oct 8 which is very very soon so I would love to see something that involves him to warm up to it :)

Unfortunately though, I only have ep 6 - 11. I wonder why and I don't really remember, but I probably download the eps one by one right after the broadcast. I also probably mixed streaming and downloading so I ended up having just half of the episodes. Also, I remember it was around the time when I dropped my hard disk in 2008 and lost 400GB worth of files.

I was re-watching Rookies ep 6-7 last Thurs, downloading complete eps last Fri and been watching it back from ep 1 on my TV on the weekends. It was fun. I also read the manga online because I was curious on how well they adapt from it. It's a very masculine manga; sports, fighting, bloods everything.

I remember I wrote in my old blog about this so I went to find it and wow, I was actually starting to watch it for Sato Ryuta. Interesting. I've watched him in a lot of things; Kisarazu Cat's Eye series and movies, Three Tokyo Friends, etc and he is good at acting. I love his character in Rookies. And OMG there's no one in this world is more fitting to portray Aniya than Ichihara Hayato. Sure he's tiny compared to the character in the manga, but his soul, his voice, his everything was really, really fitting and impressive. No wonder he got an award from this!

And in my blog I mentioned the exact same stuff I felt watching it again now; the casts are too old, and I'm most interested in Sato Takeru. He's cute. I'm going to be downloading more stuff for the next weeks.
Current Mood: relaxed
06 October 2014 @ 02:33 pm
So I managed to go through last weekend without EXO, except for a couple of glances on updates I still get on twitter and some failed attempts of self-restrain to not open tumblr. But hey! I got a great weekend. I went home straight after work on Friday and reached home in less than one hour! *insert success kid meme here*

On Saturday it was day of Arafa and all the girls at home did Arafa Fasting (my brother and dad didn't because they're lazy). I haven't fast since Ramadhan, so I did wonder if I could get through it okay. Turns out, it was just fine. I had supper (just one chop of Clarias fish and a glass of milk) at 4.30 AM, accompany my mom cleaning the house and cook until around 9 I think, took a nap til 12, went to the doctor at 2 PM, went home at 5.30 PM after a facial that took forever, and it was only 30 minutes left until breakfast!

The next day in the morning I went for Eid al-Adha prayer at the nearest mosque from our house. In the afternoon I went grocery shopping with my dad. Mom cooked my favorite food for Eid and life felt good.

I decided that I want to start doing something to take poor sick Lulu off my mind, I just have to get busy. So I thought it might be the right time to start doing some stamp carving, something I've been wanting to do for a while. I've been a fan of Julie Fei-Fan Balzer's artworks and one of the things she does best is stamp carving. I even bought her book on stamp carving, plus some stamp carving starter kit when I went to Tokyo last May, but haven't had the time to sit and actually do it.

Here's the result of my first ever self-carved stamp!! It's a repeat pattern and I'm pretty proud of myself 8D It was ... not as hard as I thought, but also not easy. I think I need a better carving tool with tiny round eye.

Other than that, I was scrambling through my stamps collection just a couple hours before I had to go back to my apartment. This is for my postcard project with my sister. I managed to group them by color scheme and adhere them to a black book - so that it'll be easier to scan later on when I have more time. I have inspirations for our first batch of cards to issue! :D Also our little savings almost reach $300 which we will use to start this business. Excited for everything to start, but I also will need my sister to cooperate.
Current Mood: accomplished
02 October 2014 @ 09:18 pm
And so it's official. Lulu is not attending SMTOWN Live Tokyo. Is he okay? Will he be okay? When will he be back? Will he be back at all? I don't know. What I know, is that I don't want to spend my next second, hour, days or months worrying about him. I have too much problems and stress already and I don't need more. Fandom for me is for fun. When it's not fun anymore, then it's time to leave.

I was still hoping and waiting for him but that was my last string.

It'll be really hard but I'm leaving. I've taken off my exochoco and omona notifications, I deleted fyeahluhan column on my flipboard, I need to do some tumblr sorting before I can open it regularly again.

I don't know if I will be back if he is, but for now, I'm cutting all the ties. It's getting unhealthy (pun unintended). I'll find something else to obsess about.
Current Mood: apathetic
01 October 2014 @ 08:51 pm
Today while I was reading about the whole Jessica getting kicked out of SNSD fiasco, I thought of how much fandom affected me. And then I realized how Lulu's current condition affects me a lot more than it should, more than I thought it would. Well basically the gravity of it all didn't really hit me at first. I kept hoping that tomorrow he'll be alright and we'll be able to see him going to the company just like how it used to be. Sadly that day has never came. At least not yet until now.

Every day, every single day since September 7 which is almost a month ago, I thought of how he's doing. I worry that his condition is getting worse, worry that he won't be able to do the rest of the schedules for this year, worry about his mental health, his well being, everything. I know nothing about him and he doesn't even know I exist but I just couldn't help it. Looking at his pics on tumblr used to be one of the happy little things that makes me smile. And now... looking at pictures of him only hurts me more. Most of the pics still being posted are from Beijing Lost Planet shows and in them he looked tired, sick, and much older than he usually look. I want to hate those pics. I feel like this is the point where I need to leave the fandom for my own good. I join fandom for the fun, for the laugh, for everything that makes me happy and sometimes forget about how shitty real life is. And now, my fandom only adds to my daily problems and stress.

I need to unfollow related tumblrs and tweeters turning my notifications off for everything, and then I need to go and find something new and healthier to obsess about and to distract myself from keep worrying about him. This weekend is SMTOWN Tokyo. Let's see how this turns out for him/me, and I will decide what to do then.
Current Mood: sad
28 September 2014 @ 08:06 pm
I haven't been feeling good emotionally for the past... month, I don't even know why. I think it's a mix of a lot of things, financial problems, health problems, work problems, and maybe even fandom problems, just everything. Many things stresses me out on daily basis, with not enough happy things to make up for it.

My boss has been super annoying the past weeks. He is stressed out and sometimes he leashed that on us and gets really pissy about everything. Having your boss getting pissy about any and everything everyday is so not the ideal work environment. A couple of days, I can handle, but he has been like this for a long while. I feel like he no longer care now that I've worked here for almost two years. He used to be more caring, attentive, giving clear instructions and now he scolds me for every little thing I do. Every time I enter his room for anything, I get yelled at. I want to quit.

I did some art since yesterday, and found no joy in it. The more I make things in this room I share with my brother, the more I hate my life. I can't live like this anymore. I need my own room. I will build my own room. But that isn't likely to happen if every month I have to bear everyone in this family's expenses. I feel hopeless. I feel like I need to focus more on important things, have a clear goal and reach it. I feel like with the 24 hours that I have everyday, I'm not using every second effectively. I feel like I can do more, achieve more.

I deactivated my facebook for months since May I think... but I activated it again recently. Because sadly we just can not escape facebook. My sister and I are trying to start our postcard line and our target market are mostly on facebook. I made a facebook page for it and I had to keep my facebook active to maintain it. Today I ventured back to facebook. A totally not wise decision with the low mood that I'm already having right now. I haven't been on facebook for a while, and what I saw... made me question life. So many people around me are moving abroad, getting married, getting married with foreign person abroad, writing that living in Jakarta will only waste your time, protesting government policy, posting photos of their children 'the love of their life'... and here I am wondering, what is it that I want from life? Am I going to spend the rest of my time on the earth living half life working a job I hate, living in this horrible city? Do I want to move, take a leap of faith, leave everything that I have here and make a big decision that I don't where it'll take me?

Sometimes, I feel like I always make excuses, I don't have enough time, I don't have enough money, I don't have enough talent, I don't have a room to myself bla bla bla... But in reality is, I can escape this situation if I really wanted to.

I want to change, I want change, I want something different and new in life.

Also, I really want facebook to be irrelevant soon.

Which is highly unlikely. Especially here.
Current Mood: crappy